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8mo crying with nanny - should I help settle?

(11 Posts)
Missmodular Wed 04-Nov-09 11:17:14

Hi all, I work freelance from home and have just started working a day a week. I'm using my friend's nanny to look after my 8mo dd while I work, and I'm lucky enough to have her looking after dd solely on the days that I use her.

However, DD is crying a lot with the nanny, and it's really hard for me being in my office upstairs listening to her cry. I'm still bfing her so she can't be settled with a bottle, although she does take a dummy.

I would be interested to hear from nannies/parents in this situation - should I do downstairs and help settle dd when she's frantic or would it be better in the long run to let the nanny settle her, even if it takes a while?

My friend has used the nanny for three years and I know her to be sound.

Any thoughts/advice welcome. Thanks.

Missmodular Wed 04-Nov-09 11:19:52

Sorry - should read 'should I GO downstairs'...blush

Fabster Wed 04-Nov-09 11:21:31

To a degree you have to leave the nanny to do her job but if she is only coming 1 day a week it is no surprise your baby is crying with her. She isn't having chance to settle and she is the classic age for separation anxiety.

frakkinaround Wed 04-Nov-09 11:31:22

Also agree you need to let nanny get on with things in the long run, although it must be horribly difficult.

Are there any particular points where nanny is struggling to settle her? Could you change your DDs routine a little so they can go out, leaving you behind, or you go out for a short while and sneak back in later? I think it's so much harder when your DD knows on some level that you're in the same house and it's harder for you as well. If you come down it'll reinforce that mummy is always there to settle her and if you do go out she'll be inconsolable. Have you left her with anyone before?

Danthe4th Wed 04-Nov-09 12:52:19

Can the nanny take your dd out to a toddler group in the morning, home for lunch and bb and out for a walk in the afternoon. At least you'll be able to get on and dd may get more used to you not being there.

thenewbornnanny Wed 04-Nov-09 13:12:41

One day a week isn't frequent enough for your DD to build up a familiarity with the nanny so she will cry for some time, probably, until the separation anxiety phase starts easing a bit anyway. I don't think there is much point you rushing to comfort or settle her as you are supposed to be working that day and hiring a nanny to allow you to do so. If you have confidence in the nanny then let her carry on as she is maybe taking your DD out of the house a lot, using distraction and her own experience and techniques to win your little over, the phase won't last forever. As long as your DD is getting lots of hugs and love she will soon settle, but it might take longer than "normal" as she only sees the nanny once a week.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 04-Nov-09 13:19:29

agree dont go down, though it is hard hearing your child cry

8mth is a clingy age and 7 days is a long time to go between caring

also agree with the nanny going out for walk/mother&toddler/play with friends during the day

MaximumNoisePollution Wed 04-Nov-09 13:58:00

Is it possible for you, your dd and the nanny and her charges to meet up at least once in the week so your dd can see the nanny and maybe the nanny could spend a little time with her?

Maybe have a routine of things nanny and dd can do, storys, walks in park etc that fit in with your dd feeding routine to help her feel more secure.

MaximumNoisePollution Wed 04-Nov-09 13:58:45

Also do say bye to your dd and don;t just 'dissapear' on her as that will make her more anxious.

nannyl Wed 04-Nov-09 13:59:09

agree with blondes

dont go down stairs

in the long run it will make it take even longer for baby to settle with nanny.

Missmodular Thu 05-Nov-09 23:29:45

Thanks for your advice everyone. Yesterday went better than it has done, although there was still a fair amount of crying. I didn't go down until the nanny asked me to, and then I decided to call it a day. She's minding DD for two days next week so hopefully the sense of continuity will help with the settling.

Honestly, there's no easy way of starting back at work is there? I thought this would be a nice gentle way of easing in!

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