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duty of care to an au pair.... ummmm

(9 Posts)
chloeb2002 Thu 29-Oct-09 03:46:35

Ok we have had an au pair with us for 9 months. she has been great the only excpetions being 1/ she left all my clean wet washing on top of teh washing machine and washed and hung ehr own leaving mine to get dog and cat mashed.. i pulled her up on it over then phone as she had gone out... no i wasnt subtle but was very annoyed... and the recent issue with drink driving.. that was again an issue in saturday. So on sunday she returns home with one of her buddies in tow who is part of a grup of older mums that im not a fan of.. but have i add never stopped her from seeing.... and strats on how she cannot live with us as i am rude and unapproachable... unkind.... curt...and because she quote... 22 and should be out enjoying herself....cough cough... i add at this point i have changed shifts at work so she can go to parties/ meetings etc...as for unapporacable she has never had a problem asking me for money early.. loan her money to pay off her uk overdraft ( we are in aus) and is generally been lovely to have around. sits watches tv with us on an evening... even on saturday was helping make dinner?? as this said she has now gone.. well left on sunday night ofering at least to look after the children but not live here for 3 weeks... I refused as i feel i cant have someone loking after my children who thinks i am unapproachable? what happens when theres a problem? then problem b would she turn up? however we are really conbcerned taht her choice to move has been influenced quite heavily..... cough....by these older mums who are not in my fan club! she just cahnged so much in only 24 hours. the only big change we had was that we withdrew our daughter from school as she was being bullied by one of the older mums groups daughter's... she will be ome schooled till the end of the year.. which was ideal for the au pair as she wanted to do her PGCE next year and what would have looked better?? those were her words on saturday to one of my friends. so totaly mistified..but i am concerned enough to be thinking maybe i should report my concerns to her mother... i have an email address for her, but then thsi girl is 22... does live at home normally however...so i just dont know.. do i wait and presume if her mum is worried about her daughtershe will contact us? or do i be proactive and contact her and just say look this is all odd.. i hope she is ok? any suggestions.. i know we wouldnt have her back.. obviously.... bt am concerned as she lived as part of our family for 7 months.. we all got on very well, just normal family stuff. ????

Pennies Thu 29-Oct-09 04:30:16

Only skim read due to lack of paras doing my eyes in. Call her. Sounds like the relationship isn't in good shape and that she's not coming back. But if you're at worried about her thenring.

Was the plan for her to home ed your kids as an au pair?

SimplyWantsAMagicWandPlease Thu 29-Oct-09 08:13:54

I started to read your post but the lack of paragraphs did my eyes in, too! Perhaps you could copy and paste it in to a new message and put paragraphs in. I think you'd get a few more responses that way.

AtheneNoctua Thu 29-Oct-09 08:51:30

I don't think you have an obligation in terms of duty of care. She is a grown up and can make bad decisions if she wants to. You will probably never know what caused the change. But, I see no harm in sending her mum an email to express concern and say that you hope he is okay. Just be careful not to be spiteful or bitter in the e-mail. Not that you would be. I'm just thinking I might have a hard time refraining from a bit of snide sarcasm after she walked out and was so rude to me.

mistletoekisses Thu 29-Oct-09 09:17:41

I totally agree with Athene. Keeping as neutral as possible, I would absolutely notify the mother that the daughter is no longer living with you.

DadInsteadofMum Thu 29-Oct-09 10:01:43

As kisses says a brief bland email just to let you know AP has moved on.

Stillsquaffingthesteamingblood Thu 29-Oct-09 10:13:23

22? I would not be calling her mum. She is being a daft idiot and has had her head turned by other people, but that's what happens in your 20s. I think it is not appropriate to contact her mother, unless you think she is not capable of looking after herself.

FWIW withdrawing a child from school and presenting it to an AP as a fait accompli, with the assumption that the AP will take on teaching responsibilities (without discussing carefully with the AP beforehand) would have been enough to have had any of my own APs running for the hills.

chloeb2002 Thu 29-Oct-09 20:11:28

thanks.. oh and we never asked teh ap to teach her... that was always our responsibility. i work shifts and it is simple enough to fit it. School year here ends in 5 weeks time so not a drama! She offered to teach her and assist as it would have looked good on her cv for the pgce...
apologies for lack of paragraphs.. writing as i was thinking --talking to myself--. think we will just let sleeping dogs lie. we allready new she wasnt coming back and have a new girl starting on sunday. Just genuine worry about her and this odd behaviour...
Thanks...

MonsterousNasalPustule Fri 30-Oct-09 18:34:09

Just a quick email to notify the mum that it was nice knowing her daughter and wish them well for the future.

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