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Childminders: Should i confront the parent??

(23 Posts)
Diddle Tue 14-Jun-05 13:45:30

I think i may have questioned you all about this before.
I have a 2 yr old mindie, who has recently been potty trained, well a few months now. He is brilliant at my house most of the time. I do keep an eye on him and take him to the toilet regularly. At the weekend, when he's at home, his mom or dad sometimes puts him in a nappy because mom says its easier.
There have been two instances this week that have made me wonder if she often puts him in a nappy.
1. he had an accident at school and neither her or I had any spare clothes for him. He only lives round the corner from school, but his mom was taking him to his nans for the afternoon, she said to him that she didn't have any spare clothes, but we'll be oks he said we've got a nappy in the pushchair.
I said nothing.
2. he had an acccident here at my house yesterday. didn't say he wanted the toilet and only told me once he had finished, which i thought very odd, not like him at all.
When i told his mom i also asked her if he had been in a nappy at the weekend. she said yes he had.

How bloody annoying. i have worked so hard to get him dry and stayed in for days and weeks to make sure he was fuling trained.
She is just undoing it, and confusing the child at the same time.
Do i have any right to say anything, she knows my opinion about it already, we've been here before, it makes no difference. It would be so easy for me to do the same and put a nappy on when we're doing anything like going out or on a school run etc. but i wouldn't dream of it.

What shall i do, should i tell her that it is obviously making a difference to him and confusing him, or should i let her bring up her child the ways he wants.

it makes me so mad, she only does it for an easy time with him, but i get the wet clothes and pressure fo carrying around spare clothes, potty etc.


RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 13:49:18


What did she say when he started being trained?

IMHO she is mad

Not sure what you should do though apart from feel very angry with HER

HellyBelly Tue 14-Jun-05 13:53:25

I agree, she's well out of order!!

Diddle Tue 14-Jun-05 13:53:37

She asked me to train him, he took to it very well and is trained as far as i'm concerned, i jst don't understand why she ahs to put him in a nappy. I am in and out all day fetching kids and of course i have no problems.

lunavix Tue 14-Jun-05 13:54:43

Just sit down with her and say you need to discuss his stages of potty training.

Make it clear that you both need to be consistent in your approach to this - else he will keep having accidents, which tbh probably embarrass him.

milward Tue 14-Jun-05 13:57:57

Stick a nappy on him & let the parents know that they can let you know when he's been toilet trained at home. Why waste your time with these people.

starlover Tue 14-Jun-05 13:58:35

hmm at the end of the day she is his mum, and if she wants to put him in a nappy then that's her choice.
it isn't up to you to tell her how to bring him up..

that sounds a bit harsh, and I can understand your frustration. As she has asked you to potty train him then maybe you can just say that he is confused about it... tell her that if she wants to keep him in nappies that's fine... but if not then could she be a bit consistent#'

I don't know... but i think if I was his mum, and his childminder started telling me that I was doing it all wrong i'd be kind of upset

lunavix Tue 14-Jun-05 14:00:18

I don't think she can tell her she's doing it wrong.. but surely diddle has the right to request consistentcy seeing as the parent has asked her to sort out the potty training?

Diddle Tue 14-Jun-05 14:06:29

starlover - i agree i can't tell her how to bring him up. its so frustrating that i can't though.
I think if it happens again i will have to ask to speak to her.

mandyc66 Tue 14-Jun-05 14:35:45

I think you should say you are concerned that he has started having accidents and is there something upsetting him!!! That way it looks as though you are caring (which you are) and makes it easier to bring up the subject!!!

BTW how do you start a thread!!!

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 14:37:09

DO you think she understands how potty training works?

Perhaps she hasn't got a clue

And so doesn't get how confusing it is for her DS

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 14:37:39

mandy click on CLICK HERE

Diddle Tue 14-Jun-05 14:38:49

i went into the list Childminders, nannies, au pairs etc and at the top under the title it says switch to alphabetical order and after that it says if you want to start a new topic click here, or something like that. in blue writing

Thank you for your response

Diddle Tue 14-Jun-05 14:39:58

RTKM - she already has an older child who is 5, so yes she has been through it all before, apparently the older child was very hard to train. i wonder why.

mandyc66 Tue 14-Jun-05 14:40:24

thank you!!! New to this site.
Hope your pottty oops too many t's!!! problem gets sorted!

RTKangaMummy Tue 14-Jun-05 14:42:16

Sorry but pmsl @ the mother from hell

Honestly some people are totally bonkers

Prettybird Tue 14-Jun-05 14:56:28

If she asked you to train him, then you should sit her down and explain that by putting a nappy on at weekends she is confusing her ds. Perhaps suggest that if she is not yet ready to commit helself, that you put it off to a time when you can both commit to it.

I had the opposite problem with my childminder - he was trained at home, but she wanted him in nappies until he was having no accidents (she's more like a nursery in that there are three of them there, so quite a few kids). It worked though because she changed him back into pants before we picked him up - so that he knew that there were different rules at home (he was also 3.5, which also probably helped with his understanding).

And it was less than a month before she agreed that he was ready for pants.

Nightynight Tue 14-Jun-05 15:40:28

Id ask her for LOADS of spare changes!

Prettybird Tue 14-Jun-05 15:43:48

... and tell her why!

handlemecarefully Tue 14-Jun-05 15:47:19

yes 'confront' the mum, but in a non- confrontational way iyswim. Needs discussing / raising with the utmost tact, since as you appreciate, she is his mum so her hackles could rise if approached clumsily about how to raise her child (I'm sure you will be diplomatic)

feelingold Tue 14-Jun-05 16:30:21

I think being consistant in an approach is important in many situations eg behaviour management and potty training. You both have to agree to be consistant for the childs sake, he must be very confused.
I do not think this is telling her how to bring her child up as if she wants to keep him in nappies until he is older then I am sure you will agree to do it, it is the inconsistancy of the approach you are bringing her attention to.
Good luck, it's not easy talking to parents sometimes I know.

mandyc66 Tue 14-Jun-05 16:33:44

This mother picked you because she trusted you with her child so she should trust you with your judgment.
As parents we think we know whats best, but sometimes we need to be shown the way!!!
You need to talk to her! What time does she pick up,I'll talk to her!!!!!!!

hatstand Tue 14-Jun-05 17:10:30

I think you can raise it but gently - the concered caring approach is a good way of starting the conversation. It is possible for a child to be different about the whole potty thing with different carers - our dd is quite lazy about going to the loo at the weekend but never during the week with her nanny - so it could be the case that the mum has more of a reason to do the nappy thing than you. I'm not condoning it as I agree it's daft and confusing. I'm just saying that until you discuss it you don't know the full story. tbh it's her responsibility to open up these discussions and she should be talking to you about how things are going at the w/e but if she's not she's not so it's kind of over to you - but I'd tread very carefully - don't "confront" just use some gambit to open up a chat

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