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Is there any hope for me?

(19 Posts)
BubblyBath Fri 23-Oct-09 10:29:21

Hi there, I have a tricky situation. I have been a nanny for over 20 years. I have worked in a variety of posts ie live in/out sole/shared care uk/abroad etc etc.

I have been very lucky in all positions. I have stayed with the families for at least 2 years and still have regular contact now. I have always worked hard to do my best and make life easier for the families but most importantly to ensure the children have a loving secure support provided by me in the absence of parents.

Recently I have started work for a family. I live in Mon-Fri. They both work long hours and the children are older - both at school.

I seemed to have bonded quite well with the children but I suspect due to their ages that they are stirring things up a bit and exaggerating the truth or complaining to Mb and DB about things. This in itself would be normal except I have a feeling that MB and DB are believing the children when I know that they are fine with me.

I also think MB does not realise how much I do. She thinks because the children are at school then I sit on my bum all day. The reality is very different. There is so much to do in running a home. They have a cleaner but there is still an awful lot of washing and ironing to be done plus tidying, shopping cooking etc and all other little errands.
Just because they are at school does not discount the long school runs and matches/concerts to watch etc.

I know that she is talking about me to others and even on internet forums as I have read it and it makes me sad as I know that I do work hard and not only is it not appreciated but also not recognised. I also hate to think that everyone else thinks bad things about me not just joe public but maybe people in her office or school etc.

Just to say she has had a lot of 'problems' with past nannies and so now I wonder if she will ever be pleased with what I do?

I'm not sure what to do now? Should I leave of my own accord and just put it down to a loss that cannot be made to work or do I try and stick with it in the hope that she might recognise my work but with the fear of being 'fired' at the back of my mind?

It is the children I feel sorry for. They really are lovely but it cannot help them to keep having new nannies and to know that mummy is thinking bad things about x,y,z nanny. It also might give them the idea that if they are told off for something etc or don't get their own way then maybe they can tell tales and nanny will be got rid of?

There is no continuity for the and they are lacking the security that a nanny normally provides.

I am also trying for a baby myself with my partner so that is difficult only being together Friday through Sunday but obviously we need the money as I plan to give up work entirely when the baby does come. Oh what to do I guess I'm just feeling hormonal and have always wanted to please so am sensitive to people thinking bad of me. sad

Thanks for reading my long post

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Fri 23-Oct-09 10:31:33

Can you make a list of what you are doing each day?

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango Fri 23-Oct-09 10:32:43

Oops that reads like I want to see a list! blush I mean for mb to see. Even if you dont directly show her it just write a check list and leave it lying around.

Danthe4th Fri 23-Oct-09 12:02:10

The way I see it you can either have a heart to heart with the parents tell her what you are doing during the day, that will either clear the air so you can continue, get pregnant then leave or leave now.
How long have you been with them?

chocolaterabbit Fri 23-Oct-09 12:28:57

Isn't this all about another thread? Aren't you leaving today anyway? If it is you, you really shouldn't have torn up the sons geography homework andyou might need to learn to express yourself a bit more tactfully in the day book.

BubblyBath Fri 23-Oct-09 14:03:41

Chocolaterabbit that's not a nice conclusion to jump to! I know this sounds similar to the other thread and I have read the other one but I can assure you I am not that nanny!I have never done the things she has anyway she is a temp and this is my permament (hopefully) job anyway although I have only been here 2 months.

The other thread does interest me though because the OP sounds similar to my boss. It has made me wonder if her nannys really are lazy or maybe unappreciated like me?
It is hard to tell when you only have one side of the story.

Pumkins that is a good idea actually. I was thinking of doing a timetable to go on the fridge that maybe lists times and stuff to do ie school run from x until x time. Washing, ironing, concerts, drycleaning shopping etc.

I've had a couple of chats nd I'm just assured all is well but I'm not sure having heard things here and there from other parents at school and the cleaner and fly by comments the children make. I just don't feel confident that all is well and not sure how I can make them happy with me? sad

crackberryaddict Fri 23-Oct-09 14:28:15

hmm are you sure you aren't TOMP's nanny ??

Giving you the benefit of the doubt I think you need to write down everyday for a week exactly how you fill your time when the children are at school.

The average mum has to get it all do when the children are at school and if your MB is paying you a good wage she is probably expecting you to do so as well.

Is there a lot of shopping for instance ? how long does it take to pack and unpack ?

BubblyBath Fri 23-Oct-09 18:08:10

I do do a lot! That's why I'm unhappy that she doesn't seem happy iyswim?

I do washing/ironing for everyone, cooking, cleaning, tidying, shopping for everyone.

I make all the beds every day etc and change all sheets and towels once a week.

The children both have packed lunches at school so that needs preparing every day.

They have 2 cats and 2 rabbits and 2 hamsters!! The rabbits are in the garden and hamsters caged in the house. I clean out the rabbit hutch and hamster cage each week. (Children are supposed to but.....)

I keep the kitchen clean and tidy including all washing up and surfaces and floors etc. I cook fresh every day including treats like cakes and buns and bread.

I do all homework with the children and ferrying around from playdates and afterschool clubs etc.

I think people see it as only half a job because the children are at school but I think it means you have to work harder to prove your worth ifyswim??

FabioExtremeAngler Fri 23-Oct-09 18:12:13

Message withdrawn

BubblyBath Fri 23-Oct-09 18:15:05

What is your problem Fabio? No need to be so rude. Just to clarify I'm not complaining about how much I do - I'm complaining that it is not appreciated infact more complaining that I don't do enough!!!

theoriginalmummypoppins Fri 23-Oct-09 18:49:52

bloody hell BB you are def not my temp nanny !!

I agree with crackberry addict. Keep a timesheet and then MB will be able to see what you do and how long it takes.

Do you have a job description ? Mine is 27 tasks long. LOL

nightmareteamgirl Fri 23-Oct-09 18:56:33

Sorry I am really not trying to be mean here but ...

Your family have a cleaner and you? The kids are at full time schhol?

So basically you get the kids to school at say 8.45-9.00? Come home, make the beds (4? including your own), maybe tidy round the kids rooms and wipe round in kitchen and load dishwasher
Which takes us to 9.30 at the latest?
Then change 1 bed per day which being really generous takes us to 10am
Clean kitchen floor 10.15

Then you have to shop- I assume you dont watse time doing this daily, so half an hour every other day, and the other day you do washing taking the same

Then you cook treats? So from 10.45 - 3pm you have to cook treats, unload dishwasher, fold and iron some clothes and run errands?

Doesn't sound TOO onerous to me, but maybe I am missing something? Have you ever done this when you ahev children at home?

Maybe you could have a look on the Good Housekeeping baord at how to manage your ime really well and how to get all chores doen in each day without getting stressed- I personally find a timer a godsend and it really gets me working well!

Good lcuk with it all

ficam Fri 23-Oct-09 19:26:56

Hello, I can sympathise here as I know another nanny in this position although not live in. Like you her oldest boy is always watching whatever she's doing and reporting back to the parents like their little spy! Although she's not doing anything wrong its just not nice to be watched and questioned in this way especially by a 9 year old.

I would agree with making a timetable so they can see exactly what you are doing in a day and just see how it goes, maybe try not to take it to heart so much.

Hopefully you'll be off on maternity leave soon!

Good luck

looneytune Fri 23-Oct-09 19:36:41

Well I can't really comment on the amount of work you are doing as I'm a childminder myself so a totally different set up, I've never used a nanny so wouldn't know what to expect and I've no idea how big this house is. BUT, I have to say I don't know how you can live with someone Mon-Fri knowing they are slagging you off behind your back I'm far too sensitive, like to be liked, and if I ever found out a parent was slagging me off like this but pretending to my face that all was ok well, they'd have to be given notice. For me the relationship has to be right to work and something like that I just couldn't cope with myself and I don't even live with them!

I really didn't read the OP as being a complaint about the amount of work. It sounded like she was trying to explain what she does and therefore not understanding why things are being said behind her back! The MB shouldn't pretend she's happy if she's not and well, if they've had several 'problem' nannies, I don't think anyone would be good enough.

I think the timetable idea is good but apart from that, if she's pretending all is ok then I don't know what else you can do. It depends if you can handle continuing to live like that. I do feel for you, I know I couldn't do it!

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 23-Oct-09 19:49:50

what is the mum wanting you to do which you dont have time for?

i agree about making a list of what you do daily and show mum


if the children are at school all day and you are there as a nanny/hk then you should be able to keep a top of things (like mp nanny shouldbe bale to) in the 5/6hrs a day you have childfree

in the end ,if you are not happy there and sounds as if you are not,then look for a new job

regards having a baby does your mb know you are trying and might be leaving in a few months you are are sucessful

navyeyelasH Fri 23-Oct-09 19:50:28

op do you live in Bristol?

argento Fri 23-Oct-09 20:41:00

It doesn't really matter her much the OP does, or whether other people think they could do more - if she's doing all the tasks in her job description then what more does the boss want?

BubblyBath, if I were you I would request a meeting with your boss, go through your contract and job description and work out what her expectations are. I would also bring up the situation with the children. Hopefully you can talk in through.

If she's bitching about you to other people to the extent that it's getting back to you, I would start looking around for another job. It's horrible feeling insecure in your job, and no job is worth feeling miserable over. I would try to get something else lined up and jump ship.

BubblyBath Fri 23-Oct-09 22:07:41

OK thanks for your replies,

Just to say again I AM KEEPING ON TOP OF EVERYTHING!! I have not got a problem with the amount to do and I go above and beyond what is in the job description but I feel I am losing a battle here.

Nightmare girl thanks for your time evaluation of my day -grossly misundercalculated. hmm but I guess thats what happens when you judge someones day without being there and doing it yourself! Maybe you are my MB? For example I don't shop everyday usually once a week plus sometimes again to top up. However it is not done in half an hour as the journey to the supermarket takes almost as long as that there and back!! Plus the other stuff I won't even go into detail with timings.
Yes I have done this before with children around thank you v much, I am an experienced nanny and experienced in all ages. I have never had a problem until now so guess I have been lucky.

I do keep on top of everything but I work hard to do it and the insinuations that I don't is what gets me.

I will give it a bit longer because I really don't like quitting and I feel sorry for the children but MB may get rid of me anyway which saves me the trouble.

aussieinde Sat 24-Oct-09 08:01:29

I'm another Nanny having the same problem. Only differences are that I have a 3 year old charge who only at school until 12pm and we don't have a cleaner (I do ALL the cleaning).

My job description is also very long and detailed. I also feel like I'm not appreciated and my 3 year old also makes up tales about me.

I like BB, manage to keep up with all my work and do an amazing amount of activities with my charge after school and during the holidays, yet still get complaints regulary from MB and DB that I'm not doing enough.

We had a talk about 2 weeks ago and I was left completely dumbfounded, they were asking the impossible. Since then, I have changed my method of writing in the daily diary. I used to note what had been eaten for meals and snacks and then a couple of paragraphs about what activities we did etc. I am now still doing the meals etc. but now make a "Today we" list. I carry the diary around with me and list each and every duty or activity or thing we play. I haven't changed or increased anything about my day, I honestly don't have the time but this has satisfied them, so much so I had a magnificent written at the bottom one day this week...

So all I can suggest is to do the diary. I'm leaving soon so I'm just sucking up the negativity knowing I will soon be out of there.

Good luck smile

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