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So we've taken in a homeless au pair

(35 Posts)
Millarkie Wed 21-Oct-09 21:05:16

who has only met our au pair a couple of times so isn't even a friend of hers...oh well, could be a huge mistake but couldn't see someone's daughter without a bed in a foreign land.
She has found a new host family but job starts in 10 days..not sure how long we will tolerate her here (cooking for 6 - arghhhh!) but hopefully she's honest and won't scare the children.
Wish us luck.
And if anyone near Cambridge is desperate for an au pair for the next 10 days CAT me

frakula Wed 21-Oct-09 21:55:45

Oh gosh - what happened?!

I bet her parents are v. grateful and you'll be repaid for your kindness one day

nannynick Wed 21-Oct-09 22:10:44

Good luck - Expect she and her parents are veru grateful to you.

benjysmum Wed 21-Oct-09 22:19:44

very good of you. Surely she will volunteer to help around the house/cooking etc?

If this was my daughter/sis etc, I'd hope someone would do her such a good turn.

catepilarr Wed 21-Oct-09 22:29:22

oh what a day today, i know of an ap who will was told today to leave tomorrow...

Millarkie Thu 22-Oct-09 06:21:59

Her host family told her to leave immediately (hazy on details but still ). Then she spent a few nights with another au pair - who also got asked to leave imediately (but found another host family within a day and has gone there).
I will be happy if she at least has a shower!

Millarkie Thu 22-Oct-09 07:00:18

(I'm not sure what access she's had to hot showers and washing machines recently but she hasboth now.) She went to the pub last night so haven't seen very much of her. But hopefully I'll get back from work to find all ok. <cross fingers>

PixiNanny Thu 22-Oct-09 09:14:47

What the hell? Who could throw someone out on their arse like that? Bastards.

DadInsteadofMum Thu 22-Oct-09 09:23:47

Hadn't heard of this on the local grapevine, but unless there were very serious GMC issues there is no excuse for this. (lock up the family silver just in case smile)

Millarkie Thu 22-Oct-09 22:18:45

Well, all clean and civilised again (was worrying after certain former au pair threads). She seems normal, friendly etc although she has caught us on a mad week with parents evenings and medical appointments and general chaos so we've not done more than touch base.
Can't believe that (ok, unless there was theft, hitting children or drugs involved - actually, even if those were involved) people will just chuck young girls out without a care where they go! I hope if we ever have a very very unsatisfactory au pair we would still be able to book a flight and organise accomodation until the flight went at least!

nightmareteamgirl Thu 22-Oct-09 23:27:29

Well, well done to you all anyway, and lets hope you dont have to regret it!! Have you asked your AP what happened?

Last time I heard of it was when AP had affair with dad-boss
I think it was reasonable of mum boss to throw both out grin

BarakObamasTransitVan Fri 23-Oct-09 14:55:47

Millarkie what a lovely thing to do. I got kicked out on my arse when I was an au pair. For sure I was a bit rubbish, but I was 18 fgs. My boss refused to pay me - saying I'd racked up a huge electricity bill (might have been something to do with the holes in the roof - I could see the sky through the ceiling in my room - glasses of water used to freeze) and so I didn't even have any money to get home. The agency didn't want to know.
Months later I heard that she'd decided to move into the au pair room (splitting with her dh or something) and lasted all of about 3 nights - she didn't appreciate having to walk along an open corridor (as in open to the elements) to go for a piss.
Of course now I'm very nosey - what did your au pairs friend actually do? FWIW I was (allegedly) a drug using prostitute shock

Libra Fri 23-Oct-09 18:19:31

We have had two chucked-out au pairs stay here for us for a while. Neither seems to have been thrown out for good reasons - one au pair host family stated that they needed the room for the MIL who was coming to stay long term and gave the girl 24 hours notice. The other responded badly when the girl gave them her statutory one month's notice because she was unhappy and told her to get out immediately.

Both seemed very nice girls, although a bit giggly, which got irritating quite quickly.

I was stunned that seemingly responsible and mature host families could behave in this way.

Both girls found new placements within a week and were very grateful that we had them to stay.

I must admit that by the second one, I was feeling a little as though I was running an au pair refuge, but I actually mainly felt embarrassed about the view of British host families that they and their families must have had.

littlestarschildminding Sat 24-Oct-09 07:56:24

Having known many many au pairs in my long nannying career, It is fairly standard practice for an au pair to up and walk out on a family without notice and claim to all that will listen that she was thrown out on her ear for no apparent reason with no notice and how awful the family were to her sob sob. It normally guarantees someone will feel sorry for her and take her in grin not saying this is always the case of course. The are some horrible families out there who really don't care about the aupairs and will chuck them out.
I have known 2 au pairs who have been asked to leave without proper notice. The first kicked one of the children (2yrs) when he kicked her. shock the second was sleeping with the teenage son hmm So both were fairly justified. Most families are fairly just to their aupairs.

Milarkie, I would be concerned about what she had done to deserve getting kicked out or whether she was telling you the truth!!

Millarkie Sat 24-Oct-09 15:49:19

To be honest I don't really want to ask her why she got kicked out - partly because it doesn't really matter what she says I won't know if it really is the truth or not.
I met another au pair today who knows her (in fact she put her up for a few days) and our experience of her so far (she doesn't wash herself or her clothes often enough, doesn't offer to help out or say thanks for anything and spends the majority of her time surfing (used 6gig in one day so we've already read her the riot act about that!) is true to what other au pair has experienced. It's ok for us as I will have no problem telling her to wash or move out and we can block her laptop from the web if she takes advantage again - but I can see how a host family might find it difficult to approach. From what her friend says the host family were asking for a lot for the money (i.e. 7am-7pm sole charge with an under 3) and so homeless au pair gave them notice that she was looking for another family, so they kicked her out.
We also heard that the local grapevine was likely to warn the host family that she is meant to be going to in Nov about her habits so she might have that job offer withdrawn - eek.
Dh and I are going to have to give her a deadline for getting out - either flying home or into the nearby youth hostel if she can't find a host family (and it looks pretty unlikely if she tries to stay round here because the grapevine/au pair network is pretty strong). Oh cripes hmm

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 25-Oct-09 10:09:26

can you not contact her parents and get them to pay for her flight home if she cant get a job?

Millarkie Sun 25-Oct-09 10:42:20

Blondes - have still not seen her long enough to have a proper talk - but from what her 'friend' has said, she has booked a flight home for early Nov and is expecting to stay here until then (she hasn't asked us if she can stay that long - is just assuming), and then was planning to stay with that 'friend's host family (although host mum has said 'No') until her new job starts (which we were told was beg of Nov but must be later according to this timetable and might not happen at all according to local gossip). Dh is now wondering why she booked her flight home for early Nov rather than now! (We live really close to an airport which specialises in cheap flights to europe so it's highly unlikely that there were no flights). Seems that she doesn't mind being housed and fed by strangers so she can hang out with her friends and party for a while. (She's not around this weekend, dh drove her to meet some friends yesterday morning to go to an all night party - she's due back sometime today, she has no key and does not know the way here from the station so our AP is guessing that she'll be summoned at some point..our AP has gone to a town 30mins away with another friend so it looks like homeless AP will have a long wait at the station (she hasn't asked for/got our phone numbers).
Ah well, as long as she doesn't upset lovely AP and she gets clean and controls her broadband use we can put up with it for a while

mistletoekisses Sun 25-Oct-09 10:55:43

Millarkie - I admire you! I am trying to start a new thread about my au pair (although this site is not letting me for some reason!) Am struggling to adapt to one au pair, forget 2!

Please share advice when you finally see the thread appear!

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 25-Oct-09 11:08:16

half my message dissapeered [sad

i also wrote well done for taking her in and looking after her

whatever the story is why she left her ex job ,no responsible adult should kick out a young girl in a foreign country without checking she has a place to go

mananny Sun 25-Oct-09 12:51:42

If she is off partying etc she doesn't seem all that concerned about being kicked out/looking for a new job/getting herself sorted out/being immensely grateful to you for taking her in hmm I would be a little pissed off to be honest. It's one thing to rescue someone elses daughter, but another for that daughter to assume she can party and live the high life on someone elses time and money! I wonder why she got kicked out of her last family??? Too much partying perhaps??? Something just doesn't sit right.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 26-Oct-09 10:15:10

very true mananny

mistletoekisses Wed 28-Oct-09 11:49:14

Millarkie - what is the latest? Am curious to see what has transpired!

Millarkie Wed 28-Oct-09 21:09:46

The latest is that she is still here and we believe the earliest she will leave is this Sunday (she told our ap that she's going to stay with friends and told dh that she's going to her new host family for a few days - either way she's off and is due to fly home to see her family a few days after that.
She is still quite stinky but not overwhelming, is hiding in her room all day, surfing the net and ignoring our ap (on one occasion she came downstairs and sat in the kitchen with her laptop and our ap had to clean 'around' her - no offer to help our ap with her jobs or even to chat to her except via facebook (laptop in one room contacting pc in another room!). Dh has just found that, despite our warning her over her internet usage after her using 6GB on her first day, she has used another 4GB today and cost us over £20 in excess fees so far.
Our ap is pretty P'd off with her, the lack of friendliness and demands to be driven to X or Y (if she asked nicely then ap would drive her, it's the demanding, never saying thank you and then when a lift is arranged, not turning up on time so ap is left hanging around). She ended up having to walk into town (2.5 miles) yesterday because she didn't ask ap politely, and hadn't asked anything about the area (there are buses that are 5 min walk away and go into town but she didn't ask so didn't know that).
We have barely seen her (again, she is either partying/pub or in her room with door shut).
Dh has just changed the password for the wireless internet so her laptop won't be able to log on anymore (although ap's pc will still work cos it's hard wired so hopefully she won't just take over that one).
Oh and kids aren't here at the moment (away for half term) so I cooked for just ap and stinky tonight, left them to it (I work weird shifts so tend not to be hungry at 'mealtimes'). AP finished first, put plate in dishwasher and went to get ready to go out. S finished later, went to get ready. I went into kitchen to find dirty table, cutlery still out, unfinished food left on table etc..
Ho hum, roll on Sunday.

Millarkie Wed 28-Oct-09 21:16:17

Oh and her mum sent her a parcel here using DHL, so is able to contact her alright. If my daughter was lodging with strangers and I had the address I would be sending them a thank you card!

mistletoekisses Thu 29-Oct-09 07:27:45

I cannot believe how she is behaving. You are a far better person than I am, I can tell you! Think the blocking of the PC is totally fair enough! what on earth is she downloading????

We have also had to lock our phone down with BT. A bill arrived the other day and despite our conversation about occasional international use (preferably in the evenings unless an emergency)...the au pair has in 3 weeks racked up a substantial amount in calls to France. She has been on the phone during the day when DH and I were at work. Did she not realise that we would receive a bill???

We locked it down since Monday and she hasnt asked us if something is wrong with the phone yet...watch this space!

Re. the mother, maybe the daughter hasnt been totally honest with her that she knows to send you a thank you card?

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