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New au pair..

(13 Posts)
lovemybabydoll Wed 21-Oct-09 16:11:04

I have a new au pair started. My DD hasn't taken that well to her.
She has excellent experience and tries very hard.
My DD is 6 months old.
Any suggestions please?

argento Wed 21-Oct-09 16:27:14

How long as she been with you?

lovemybabydoll Wed 21-Oct-09 16:38:22

Today is her 3rd day.

argento Wed 21-Oct-09 16:42:21

I think you need to give it a bit more time then!

Weegle Wed 21-Oct-09 16:44:25

Your DD is so little it'll take a while. I know you can't leave her sole charge but try to step back a little and maybe let them have some time alone with you in another room - this will help enormously boost the AP's confidence and also your DD therefore won't naturally be turning to Mummy to rescue her! Also suggest things that DD likes for your AP to do.

lovemybabydoll Wed 21-Oct-09 16:53:42

Thank you, good idea. I am always home so that does help and doesn't too.

Millarkie Wed 21-Oct-09 18:23:44

3 days is a very short time! My dc are a lot older and even they take a few weeks to settle properly with a new au pair. Has she experience with babies? I agree with the stepping back (I tend to lurk in kitchen cooking and leave ap in playroom with kids for short bursts to begin with).

DadInsteadofMum Thu 22-Oct-09 09:29:06

Similar to Mill, it takes weeks to bed down a new AP and for the kids to stop saying can't we have the old one back, and then the same when that one leaves. Give it time.

echt Thu 22-Oct-09 12:17:42

OK, someone has to say it. I know the employment status of APs has changed but they are not nannies and not childminders. What on earth are you doing expecting her to look after a baby for?

Are you in the house? What are the arrangements?

On the while APs are for school-age children, not babies, who need expert care.

Weegle Thu 22-Oct-09 12:45:19

Here we go - OP has already said that she is, I quote, "always home"... I suspect (or at the very least would hope) that she is aware that AP's can't have sole charge of babies. Au Pair's generally work best as 'an extra pair of hands' - I've had them since DS was a baby - never left in sole charge until he was over 2 - then it was things like a quick trip to the park. We have a new AP+ starting in Jan when I will have 2 newborns and a 3 year old - again she won't be left in sole charge, she will be an extra pair of hands to plug in a bottle, change a nappy, do some cleaning... it doesn't mean she won't need to bond with the babies and have a good rapport with them - for her sanity and mine! And leaving the AP to have some unwatched time in another room of the house with the baby whilst you are still physically present and available but not watching over their shoulder, is the best way to get both baby and AP comfortable with the relationship.

moseskoeln Thu 22-Oct-09 13:30:27

I would say leave her to do what you employed her for! go a cook dinner or whatever and leave her playing with your dd alone. 3days is VERY short time.
I au -paired with baby from 10 months-2 years... 6am-5pm sole charge 3 days a week! (found it hard to leave as bonded so well, but even then took a few weeks)
i know it defines an au pair as not looking under 2 year olds, but speaking from experience almost every au pair i met (and im talking 50+ au pairs)have always looked after at least one child under 2...
check shes got her brain screwed on, and you said shes experienced a little, and i dont see any problem with letting her take the baby for stroll in the park/ watch her whist you pop to the corner shop etc...

argento Thu 22-Oct-09 13:34:48

Also no reason why an au pair shouldn't have sole charge of babies if she's confident and competent - surely the parents can judge it on a case by case basis? You might not leave an unexperienced 18 year old in charge of a 6 month old but I know qualified nannies, nursery nurses and teachers who have chosen to au pair in order to travel or learn a language.

lovemybabydoll Sat 24-Oct-09 13:15:09

Thank you all. Yes I am home working from the Home Office leaving them to play/talk/feed in the other room/s.
I do not have any family nearby and my friends and in laws are 90 miles from me so my 1st au pair who helped me with my DD from the time she was 2 mths to 5 mths was a GOD SENT. She was even better than me in some tasks.
If it wasnt for an au pair, I think my DD wouldnt be as bright and happy because with the au pair around, I was able to go away and 'use my brain' for periods in the day.
Also when we went visiting or out, I could actually concentrate on what I wanted or the company because the au pair was there to help with DD.
My bond with my DD is very strong and I am the only one that can calm her or make her feel better so I am not insecure in the slightest.
BF also helps.
It all takes time I think and furthermore we really treated the 1st au pair as a member of our family. She said that her English improved so much and she was v grateful to me for the new experience and teaching her so much.
We took her on hols with us too and she was so thankful but yet a proud girl.
I guess what I wanted was help so that I can remain sane and happy with my DD and not grumpy and tired. Finally getting an au pair to help is much easier than delegating to a relative

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