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CM Club: I need some help with behaviour management please

(18 Posts)
Numberfour Tue 20-Oct-09 18:25:46

I have a 4.6 yr old boy who started with me when he started reception in Sept this year. He had previously been in full time nursery care.

The first day I had him it was clear that he did not follow instructions. To cut a long story short, mum and dad are aware and doing what they can, school is aware and is keeping mum and dad informed as well as me as the go between.

My concern is that the boy seems to have not regard for not following instructions at all. Mum and Dad openly admitted from day one with me that they had always been very lenient with him, giving the child a lot of leeway with decision making etc.

Fast forward 7 weeks or so and we are no better off. It is almost as if the child does not care.

He does not seem to care that there are consequences to not listening (eg will not be allowed to watch his favourite tv show or that he would upset me by not listening to me.)

The culminated in me putting him in reins on the school run today because he insisted on running off. Even so with the reins that go over the chest, he kept on turning around as if to walk backwards. So I held fast onto the back of the reins so that i could move him forward in a straight line towards our destination.

He is lovely and friendly and delightful and happy and loving and affectionate. Not a "bad" bone in his body.

But he will NOT do as asked. He is not being mischievous or impish when not listening. He just does not do as he is told - and there does not appear to be a hearing problem

HELP. I was nearly in tears on the school run today.


SqueezyCheesyPumpkin Tue 20-Oct-09 22:33:28


Danthe4th Tue 20-Oct-09 22:56:41

I would suggest the wrist restraint as you can hold hands at the same time, when he walks nicely heeps of praise. It sounds like this is going to be a slow process gaining his trust and respect.
Emotional blackmail is not a good idea,showing him you are upset is not going to work, you must make it clear what is expected, keep him interested on the school run, counting colours, cars anything but try to make it interesting and create opportunities for him to impress you with his knowledge so you then get the chance to say how fantastic he is and how you enjoy his company when he behaves so well.
It just an idea but it sounds like he is seeking attention so it needs turning around to be a positive experience, not easy but school need to back you up as well and punishment for this type of child is usually counter productive.
I may be well off the mark but it sounds familier to my own son and i'm also a cm so can sympathise.
Good luck.

colditz Tue 20-Oct-09 22:58:31

Chocolate button straight in the mouth every time he does comply.

Yes, it's dog training, yes, it works./

navyeyelasH Tue 20-Oct-09 23:04:06

What's his most fav thing to do? Sometimes it has to go right back to basics, bribe him with everything you've got and distract distract ignore ignore. It may be that you have to go backwards to go forwards IYGWIM?

Do you think he might have some understanding issues?

Numberfour Wed 21-Oct-09 13:03:11

Thanks for all the replies. I would take up colditz's suggestion but mum and dad say no chocolate please.

i will reply more later. just popped in to acknowledge responses.

colditz Wed 21-Oct-09 13:40:57

they say no chocolate yet have allowed his behavior to become this uncontrollable through pure lack of discipline?hmm

what a pair of twats.

Numberfour Sun 25-Oct-09 11:40:46

colditz, the mind boggles. i agree.

i am not sure if there are some understanding issues, navyeyeetc. he usually seems to understand most things though in some respects his language is a little behind. but then again, he surprises me with some of the things he comes up with.

Danthe4th, thanks for your input too. I don't think that he is attention seeking. It appears to me to be a complete lack of interest in following instructions. as if there is no need to. and I suppose with extremely lenient parents, there has been no need up til now to follow any instructions.

the main problem for me is that having this little one restricts the things I can do. his dad suggested he brings his bike over to me in half term. the safety issues involved with have a boy who does not do as he is told, riding his bike around, makes my blood run cold. so that will, regrettably, not be happening.

wish me luck for the coming week......

thebody Sun 25-Oct-09 19:43:22

sorry but with an issue like safety, ie he WONT do as you say, the bike idea is a non starter.

I would give notice to be perfectly honest, I couldnt handle the responsibility of this child, reins on a 4 year old!!!! understand why you have to do this, but the parents should be ashamed of themselves to have allowed him to get so out of hand.

tbh he sound like he enjoys all the adults around him giving him so much attention.

sorry not to be more constructive but you must have regard for your self and the other mindees, couldnt give one child that much attention as the others would suffer in my setting.

thebody Sun 25-Oct-09 19:45:00

colditz, just read your thread and TOTALLY AGREE.. chocolate my arse!! as if that was the important issue here..

summerstorm Sun 25-Oct-09 23:54:36

Any chance he could be suffering from autism there are so many forms of it and It could be a possibility. Could have a problem getting the parents to consider it though

Numberfour Mon 26-Oct-09 10:19:27

thebody, i agree 100%. mum has arranged for the child to be assessed so perhaps something will come to light. yes, he does put the safety of my other children at risk and at times, i am so focussed on him that the "good" children are for all intents and purposes left to their own devices.

Numberfour Mon 26-Oct-09 14:17:53

summerstorm, the parents do appear to be open minded in that they have arranged for the child to be assessed. a waiting game i suppose.

i cannot give notice at the moment and don't really want to tbh. i would feel like i was giving up and the parents are working with me and the school so it is not as if i am left to sort this out alone. however, if the safety of my other children becomes compromised further i would have to give notice.

thebody Mon 26-Oct-09 15:15:56

yes totally see your point and best of luck x

Numberfour Mon 26-Oct-09 18:38:18

thanks, thebody! i think i need it....

thebody Tue 27-Oct-09 13:33:47

let us know how it goes though wont you.. x

Numberfour Tue 27-Oct-09 21:54:46

yes, i will do, thebody! thanks for your interest.

the little one was SUCH hard work today. he woke up very early and did not go back to sleep so was shattered. dad dropped him off today and told him "Don't be too tired today!" hmmhe cried and performed and refused to cooperate, fought with the other children and generally behaved extremely unpleasantly.

i am reaching the stage where I am not looking forward to seeing him. but he will be in school full time from Jan. and the first assessment is Friday so hopefully we will get some answers.

Numberfour Tue 03-Nov-09 20:35:12

The health visitor has come and gone and the boy will be referred to an audiologist and then a SALT.

What worries me too, though, is that he is EXTREMELY clumsy, falling over a lot lot more than your average 4 and a bit yr old.

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