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Advice wanted re new nanny with own child

(17 Posts)
CC3 Wed 14-Oct-09 18:12:44

Hello

We have just employed a nanny for the first time and she has her own child. She is fantastic and our children really like her. All going very well but there is something that I want some advice on... her child is eating with ours and clearly we buy the food etc. Also her child has snacks etc that we are providing. We didn't discuss this when we interviewed etc as I just hadn't thought about it. Is it the norm that if a nanny has their own child that you provide meals/snacks for them automatically? I don't want to raise it and cause any ill feeling if it is expected to happen. Feels a little odd though... HELP!

xoxcherylxox Wed 14-Oct-09 18:17:26

i would think that she would feed all the children the same are you paying her slightly lower pay by the hour as i no thats what sometimes happens with nannys with there own children maybe this helps with the child eating the food it covers it

EverySingleStar Wed 14-Oct-09 18:17:44

I'm sure there was a thread on this very recently

Has the nanny ever been in this type of situation before? I think it's best that her child eat with yours as otherwise you will have 'He has X and I want X, not Y!' and promoting good manners, etc. If it's making a huge difference to your budget maybe talk to her about it, but I think 1 extra child is being a bit petty.

Never been in this situation though so can't say from a personal perspective. I just think if she's fabulous and your DC's love her, this is a very small issue that could potentially cause a conflict.

CC3 Wed 14-Oct-09 18:22:04

I totally agree about all the children eating together and I definitely want her child to be part of the family, not feel like a visitor.

My concern was that it felt petty as it won't be massive sums of money but it is still an amount of money - we hadn't discussed it and I just hadn't expected it to be honest.

We are paying her what she asked for and she didn't mention that she had lowered her expectations due to having a child....

Such a minefield and really don't want to rock the boat...

FABIsInTraining Wed 14-Oct-09 18:24:38

I did a share with one family and the family who fed the other child each night were a bit miffed that they provided the food for him.

How long as she been with you? Have you had a review after the first month? That is the time to bring it up. If you really feel it is a problem for you then you need to bring it up as it could turn into resentment and that can fester.

CC3 Wed 14-Oct-09 18:28:11

She joined at start of October... hmm, I just feel exceptionally tight - thanks for all replies.

I don't think it is a problem but my husband does... he sees it that we pay her to look after the children and then we are effectively paying to feed her child on top...

annh Wed 14-Oct-09 18:32:36

I am surprised that this didn't come up at the interview stage and definitely needs to be dealt with now before other costs pop up. What, for example, did you decide to do re activities? If your children go to soft play, who is paying for nanny's child? Who pays for toddler groups? - assuming this is the age your children are at. Adding one extra child into the food mix probably isn't a big deal from a monetary point of view but increasing the ice-cream budget by 50% in the summer may well be. If you are having a review, that would be the time to bring it up.

alarkaspree Wed 14-Oct-09 18:35:53

I don't know much about nannies but I think it is normal for the nanny to eat your food when she is feeding the children? I'm afraid it does sound petty to bring up the cost of her child's food, even though your husband's point of view makes sense in theory.

Have you worked out how much it costs you per week to feed the nanny's child? What if you gave your dh a figure, ask him if he cares enough to bring it up with the nanny himself? If it were my dh he would at that point decide it didn't matter after all.

hobbgoblin Wed 14-Oct-09 18:39:19

To throw some more light on this: Who pays for the nanny's food?

EverySingleStar Wed 14-Oct-09 18:42:41

Normally nanny's lunch and occasionally tea/breakfast if eaten with children is included surely? Always has been in any job I've worked in. Employers would be appalled if I suggested otherwise.

FABIsInTraining Wed 14-Oct-09 18:48:04

My employers wouldn't have expected me to eat breakfast and tea at their house but wouldn't have begrudged me some toast if I was hungry when I got to work.

argento Wed 14-Oct-09 18:57:01

Normally the nanny eats with the children so I would assume her child does too - surely it costs you very little extra?

You definitely need to come up with an agreement about who pays for/decides about activities though. If the nanny must pay for her child to do activities, she might not want to take your children to expensive activities you want them to go to. If you insist on particular activities you might need to budget for her child too.

Millarkie Wed 14-Oct-09 18:59:03

When we employed a nanny with her own child we provided food for both nanny and child - which was mainly so that only one meal had to be prepared for all of them. As it was nanny would sometimes bring along snacks/treats for her child which I would not have allowed mine to have (sweets etc) but because they saw her child eat them, mine wanted them so she would buy them similar (with the kitty money I left her). Was a bit of a mess. I would have prefered to have more control over their diet.
We paid our 'nanny with child' at 80% of the rate of a nanny without child so some of the saving was spent on the extra food/snacks.

littlestarschildminding Thu 15-Oct-09 08:01:51

I think that you should have forseen this before the contract started. I honestly think that really you (or dh) are being petty.. Feeding one extra child the same as everyone else is eating is really a very small cost and if you bring it up is going to cause no end of bad feeling surely!! Imagine the hassal for her of having to prepare meals and snacks seperatly to bring just for her child and then cooking fresh food at yours for her and your children...while feeding her own child some re heated in the microwave food...really? Come on!

In a past life I was a nanny with my own child I would have been hugely offended had an employer quibbled over a few pounds a week for my sons meals. (I always had it written into contracts about meals and who provides and no one ever quibbled about feeding my son too). Infact I would probably have given you notice there and then.....

PaulaMummyKnowsBest Thu 15-Oct-09 08:21:43

when my children came with me, I had 2 and they had 2. I worked 3 days a week and to ensure that all of the children ate the same, sometimes I would use the food in the house for the 4 children and sometimes I would do a shop for their house using my money so that i was paying for all 4 children to eat the same.

I too sometimes had problems with this as they ate far more jumk than I would allow my children to eat and they didn't buy the same quality food that I did which was only a problem if I had bought the bits for all 4 children on my last working day and then on the following week went to the freezer/fridge to get it and all that was left was their cheap food hmm

The family were lovely though and that was the most important thing. The children played really well and were happy

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 15-Oct-09 10:06:16

as others have said generaly the food is suplied by employer for nanny (and child) but often with a nanny with own child they will be paid less

whatare you paying her? how old/exp and what area are you in?

i honestly think that feeding one child maybe a sandwich at lunchtime and a portion of whatever your nanny cooks for tea wont break the bank

any activities the nanny does with her own child should be paid for by her

Ebb Thu 15-Oct-09 11:12:51

My employers supply food for my Ds. They even said they'd pay for both of us if we ate out but I feel that takes the mick a bit and generally pay for my Ds or take a picnic for us all. It was never even suggested at the interview that I'd take food for my Ds. If it had of been, I think I would have suggested that they supplied food for Ds so the children could all eat the same and I would supply my own food. I think it's better that the children all eat the same. I wouldn't feed theirs or mine junk food at work.

With regards to activities, round my way all the toddler groups are 'per family' so it doesn't matter how many children you take, it's one fee so they pay. I have just joined a music class though and I will pay for my Ds. It wouldn't occur to me not to.

I am also a member of a few places locally to us so I can take their children in for free which they enjoy.

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