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poo problems and laid back parents

(18 Posts)
mammychildminder Tue 06-Oct-09 14:28:49

im a cm and i look after a dc 2.5yrs. he is toilet trained (has been for couple of months) but everyday he poos in his pants. he know he needs the toilet because he goes in a corner or another room to do it. i have tried sitting him on the toilet every now and again throughout the day to try for a poo, sometimes he will get off the toilet then poo straight away. he doesnt seem to be 'scared' of the toilet or anything like that. i have tried telling him off and putting him in time out (not in a really horrible way) i have tried encouragement and praise, even what some people might call bribery. infact i feel as though i have tried everything. spoke to mum everyday about it, but she doesnt have an opinion and doesnt seem to be really bothered (maybe as shes not the 1 changing him 5 days a week). although i know he does it at home too cos we have been there when hes done it and they dont say anything to him, just get him changed.
i dont know what else to do, but its really getting to me, dont have time to spend half hr everyday cleaning him up, have other children to care for plus i feel as though i shouldnt have to. i wouldnt mind if it was an accident but he knows what hes doing and he just laughs at me when i tell him off. any advice anybody? (sorry for the long post!)

southernbelle77 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:15:52

I'm a cm, and a mum of a dd who has bowel problems. We thought for a long time that she was just being 'naughty' and soiling herself because she couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet etc etc, but have since discovered that she has constipation and couldn't actually help soiling herself despite it seeming that it was on purpose. Could this be the case? Could you suggest to the parents that they take him to the doctors and see if there is more to it than it seems? DD is at school now and I had to explain to them the issues when she started as they had to change her quite often when she started (thankfully we seem to have turned a corner and it's getting much better).
As a cm I know what it's like when children have accidents and how time consuming it can be and it can get you down, so I'm not saying you are wrong to feel this way, but just trying to give another perspective.

atworknotworking Tue 06-Oct-09 18:25:48

Sometimes their can be underlying probs, such as constipation sounds odd if it's happening daily but the body reacts by having something called overflow which is basically loose movement coming through from the compacted poop, some children can't actually feel it happening as it can affect the nerves.

The bit that would bother me is the parents lack of interest, and the child laughing about it the child needs to learn that pooing pants is not acceptable an odd accident is one thing but daily is not on, you need to sit down with parents and discuss how you should handle it perhaps even ask them to talk to the health visitor about it, just in case it is a health issue rather than just laziness.

pellmell Tue 06-Oct-09 18:40:41

I looked after a little boy like this and the first thing I think when I read your post is that you have both got in a cycle that is not working . His laughing might be anxiety now!
Something that worked for us was by encouraging him to think of his tummy as a great big machine (I supported this with an usbourne book about the body -can't think of the name but it had great illustrations of the intestines)
We then talked about eating food and how all the waste got mushed up in the tummy and came out as poo!
" Cor, your tummy is like a great big machine.Isn't that clever!....blah blah blah!
Then "I will be amazed if that big machine can dump some of that poo it's made down the toilet/potty"
If he performs then you praise with "wow look at that!
I found this easier and took him by suprise as it totally changed the focus from Good boy/ Bad boy scenario.
I I found some of my other children who did not have toileting troubles repeating this idea and wanting to be first to prove the theorysmile

thebody Tue 06-Oct-09 18:51:26

think its easier for some parents to ignore an issue than face it head on, though he is only 2.5 months isnt he, so its not all that unusual.

the medical term for this impaction is faecal overflow and he needs to be seen by GP to check for this. I would ask the parents for a chat when he isnt around, in the evening pehaps?

step 3, all agree an approach and stick to it he may be liking the attention he gets from all the adults.

just a thought my friends dfaughter started to do this when her parents were arguing a lot, is he stressed?

pellmell Tue 06-Oct-09 19:23:02

Another thought....is it possible that he actually has not got control yet? and that he is actually going to the other room/place to hide the fact he has had or is having an accident?
I'm not sure regularly putting a child like this on the toilet always helps because he needs to recognize the urge to go and act on this by himself.

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor Tue 06-Oct-09 19:26:09

Does he have a regular time that he poos at? my DD did at nursery and they put a nappy on for about an hour for her to poo in and then changed her. She had no interest in pooing on the loo until recently.

HSMM Tue 06-Oct-09 20:06:13

Poos are quite often the last part of toilet training to 'click', I think. I had a little girl who kept on pooing in her pants. We finally got over it by spending time with her sitting on the toilet and 'guessing' what colour her poo would be
- green and spotty
- pink and stripey
- etc
Worked in the end, but it was a slow process. She still comes into the room and tells me she has done a purple poo (etc). I wonder what happens when she is out in public with her parents, telling everyone about her multi-coloured poos . They do know it's my fault.

I can email you (and anyone else who wants a copy) a leaflet called Poo goes home to Pooland, it's a colouring in book/story all about how poo wants to go back home down the loo and almost places the blame on the main Poo character so as to not make the child feel bad. It's very good

CAT me or pop up an email address in here

Danthe4th Sat 10-Oct-09 08:08:36

I'm so glad that the parents are laid back, he's not being naughty he is 2.5. the time to worry is if he's still doing it in a few years(like mine!!). Make sure he is drinking plenty of water, not juice. and also make sure he's not eating too much roughage, ie brown bread,brown rice he should be having white as its often too much for their digestive systems.

Best suggestion is to put a nappy on for after lunch or when he comes off the toilet, take the pressure off him. do this for a while and then start again with the toilet. Those pottys that are more like mini toilets are really good for getting them to feel safe and comfortable. Get him sitting first with a sticker as a reward and then move on to a sticker for a small poo etc.
Good luck but its not your place to put a child in time out for dirty pants.

StillSquiffy Sat 10-Oct-09 11:04:48

Putting a 2.5YO in time out for pooing his pants? angry

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 10-Oct-09 12:58:49

sounds to me that he isnt toilet trained and hasnt been for the last few months if he is pooing every day in his pants

StrictlyAvadaKedavraarrrrghhhh - please could you email the poo leaflet

thank you

blondeshavemorefun73@gmail.com

urbanewarrior Sat 10-Oct-09 13:08:50

ooh could I have the poo leaflet too please? urbanewarrior at gmail dot com

Am struggling with DS who is great with wees but is pooing in his pants/on the floor/anywhere but the potty.

Thank you. Sorry OP bit of a hijack - but hoping you get a solution soon - I might try the nappy thing.

Renwein Fri 16-Oct-09 20:36:17

Does sound a bit harsh for a 2.5 year old. Just because he laughs doesn't mean he isn't anxious or worried about going in the toilet. My DS1 wasn't toilet trained till he moved to the pre-school room at nursery aged 3 and even then still pooed in his pants for quite a while. It's quite normal and lots of children have issues about pooing in the potty/toilet. I read a book called Everybody Poos by Taro Gomi with him and sometimes whipped off his trousers and pants when I could tell he was about to poo because I knew he would not do it on the floor. When I did that he woudl anxiously pace up and down for a while before going to the toilet. It sorted itself out as these things do.

OrmIrian Fri 16-Oct-09 20:39:18

Well clearly he is too young. He isn't toilet-trained if most of the poo goes in his pants.

My eldest wasn't ready at 2.

Tell him off?

spookyrookie Fri 16-Oct-09 21:05:22

My DS is 3.5 it is only over the last few months that he has stopped wanting me to put a nappy on when he does a poo. I didn't push it as I figured he would use the toilet when he was ready and he did.

Maybe ask him if he wants to put a nappy on for poos, he is only 2.5, its very young to have full bowel control.

sorry yes will email it tomorrow am on other computer, sorry forgot to check back

tvaerialmagpiebin Fri 16-Oct-09 21:40:30

Could I have a copy too please StrictlyAvaada?

lankyalto @ googlemail.com

Thanks

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