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childcare dilemma..... and how honest to be?(10 Posts)
This is my childcare dilemma:
We are moving house soon which will be 30 mins drive in rush hour traffic from current childminder, maybe more, haven't done a trial run. We already have a long day, I am out the house for 12 hours usually and my DD (2.5) can be in childcare 8am to 6.30pm 4 days a week although often its less days & less hours due to my DH's shifts.
Sooo.... seems simple - we should find a childminder near to our new house. But I am pregnant, due at the end of April and would like to go on maternity leave at the end of March. I am just starting to look for new childminders but am undecided whether to mention now I am pregnant and likely to give notice for when I go on maternity leave. I haven't even had my 12 week scan yet or told family members so it is slightly premature, but do feel dishonest not mentioning it. Because of the shift work its hard to find someone willing to do flexible hours, let alone only take us on for 6 months! There's also the issue of uprooting my DD who is very happy where she is (been there since she was a baby), and then there will be new house and new baby as well as new childminder!
Trying to work out whether the commute to old childminder would be feasible - looks like we'd need to leave the house at 7.15 to 7.30am and then DD would still be able to be picked up at 6.30pm but there would then be a half hour drive home so it is a very long day for her! As I said, that's not every day, but she's in on average 4 days a week and say 2 days a week on average are long days. Even shorter days at the CM knackers her already - she is in that awkward stage of almost dropping her sleep in the day so often doesn't nap with the CM but is shattered when she gets home. And also I might be knackered doing that even longer day while pregnant!
What would you do and would it be terrible to look for a CM without mentioning I'm pregnant? I do intend on going back to work and so DD might return then if the CM still had a vacancy.
I would be honest, they might only have a place for 6 months or so or they can "plan" to try and get a new one lined up for when you stop.
I don't blame you, 30 minutes drive is a long time after a long day.
But yes, please be honest.
Please be honest. I would be much more likely to take you back after your maternity leave if you had been honest with me in the first place.
As a cm who has had a new stater only to find out mum is preg after signing contracts ...If you were to go with a new cm then please be honest with her. I would still have taken the LO on for 6mnths but was cross that they hadn't told me before contracts were signed. As it is LO stayed with me while mum was on maternity and baby comes to me sometimes now too so was all fine! But i would have appreciated the honesty.
Personally I would be tempted to stay with the current cm while you are preg and give notice when you go on maternity.... You could give it a go and see how it is.
Please be honest with new CM, I am currently in this situation took on new mindee and mum was pregnat she didn't tell me. She obviously wanted a CM nearer home so i only have mindee for a few months now.
You have to be honest if you expect your CM to be straight with you. If you conceal your intention to take maternity leave after such a short time, you will only have yourself to blame if she looks for a new mindee and gives you notice when she finds one.
Another vote for being honest.
Cm and parent relationship needs to be a good one so start as you mean to go on. Be clear with your intentions from the start.
Find yourself a CM nearer to your new home. Be honest with her and say you will be having a baby in spring.
You could always ask if you could have add-hoc days when you are on maternity leave just to give you a break with the new baby?
You need to make things simple for yourself in the next few months (as far as possible)
I was in a similar position in that I returned to work after having my DS at the same time as we had accepted an offer on our house and were moving area. I was honest with my CM that it would be a short term contract (turned out to be not so short due to various house move problems). She was a fabulous CM and I would have felt awful not being straight with her.
Thanks for the replies, you're all right, honesty is the way to go and I would feel VERY awkward if I had to tell her a few weeks in. I was worried we wouldn't find anyone to be flexible let alone for a short term contract but I've got three visits lined up next week, so I will tell them when I go to visit. Not telling them in initial phone call / email as to be honest I haven't even told my close family so I do feel a bit weird telling a complete stranger on the phone!! But I will say in the visit, if they are not keen then I will have only wasted 10 minutes of their time, but hopefully they will think my little girl is so lovely how could they not look after her!
And I will def be going back to work, so will then have baby & DD1 who need care, and hopefully can return if we have a good childminder so I do hope they consider that and don't just see it as a short term thing. I would def like to keep my DD in for ad hoc days while I'm in maternity leave, we might have some childcare vouchers to use up too so that would be good if we can afford it.
I wish I could keep my current CM, will do a trial run next week and see what the traffic is like, but think it will be a no go So gutted to be losing her really.
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