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Would you warn other parents about this CM?

(21 Posts)
Lusi Sun 30-Aug-09 13:54:23

My DD1 (now 8) is no longer with this CM (actually 2 CMs who work together)and hasn't been for almost a year.
I am quite bitter about my experience with them and doubt their competence/commitment and my DD has just told me something that made me seriously think about telling other parents (I know) who use them the extent of my doubts. But then I might be over reacting...but it just seems like the final straw.
To give the background...
DD was just after school for 3 years, and went gradually down from every afternoon to just one...she wanted to keep going.
There were a couple of issues with things like one of them shouting at my DD(when 4.5yo)for having very dirty pants (she hadn't wiped her bottom properly) and also once for not being able to wash paint off her face properly...
Also they wanted her to walk from the school to their house with 2 other children. They were all around 6yo. It is a pretty respectable, quiet area, an approx 8 min walk with 2 side roads to cross. One of the children was very sensible but my DD wasn't - I wasn't comfortable with it so they continued to pick her up - but made her walk right by their side while the other 2 children could walk ahead (their parents had allowed them to do the walk on their own).

Finally they refused to continue to look after her because 'she couldn't be trusted to follow simple instructions and made them look incompetent'. At their request she changed day, on the first day she went to where she normally met them but she was supposed to go to another area (she hadn't been told). She was told very clearly, and I was asked to remind her the next week, which area to go to. So she went to that area, walking past the CM who was waiting in a different area - neither of them saw each other. After waiting until most of the other children had gone and not knowing where the CM was, she went to the school office (they are supposed to if their pick-up isn't there). Arguably she could have gone looking for the CM ... Meanwhile the CM sent another child to look for her, when they didn't see her, the CM returned home. (In her defence, DP sometimes picked DD up if he wasn't working but we had always called them first and they had reassured me that unless they heard from me before they would collect her). She left DD at the school, not knowing where she was and not telling the school or myself. There was more confusion (not my DDs fault) because the school phoned the CM (and me), the CM drove back to collect my DD, meanwhile a member of the school staff drove DD to the CM house.
The final straw....
Yesterday we were driving through the outskirts of our local city and my DD said oh this is were XXXX left us in the car for ages...it was really boring. On questioning I discovered that she and another child (both under 7 - maybe younger) had been left in the CM's car with 3 'babies' - all under 3, I think under 2 - while the CM had been in a 'shop' - I think a garage/workshop - it couldn't have only been for a couple of minutes....the CM herself said it had taken ages and I'm sure DD wouldn't have recognised it if she hadn't been there for quite a time...maybe the CM could see the children but they couldn't see her...

I leave my DD1 with DD2(2) in the car for a few minutes sometimes in our local area - but not in the city. And I also feel that if someone trusts you (and pays you) to look after their children, you shouldn't be taking 'risks'...

So am I overreacting or should I tell the other mums the full story? (At the moment I try not to say too much...it is a small community..)

thebody Sun 30-Aug-09 14:43:33

I am a cm. I never ever leave children unattended anywhere and I never ever DREAM OF shouting at them.

They sound like total bitches tbh and your dd is best out of it.

And yes I would tell other parents but be casreful, you could be slandering them if you havnt definate proof of all this.

atworknotworking Sun 30-Aug-09 15:04:56

Agree with thebody definately well shot, but be careful what you say, if you have such grave concerns then really you need to report it to Ofsted they will deal with the situation through the proper channels, talking about it to other people won't stop this happening but in all probability will give you a bad reputation within the community, especially if as you say it's quite small.

purepurple Sun 30-Aug-09 15:08:23

Just be grateful your DD doesn't have to go anymore.
They do sound quite rubbish, especially at leaving your DD at school.
But, be careful about spreading gossip. Doesn't stop you giving your opinion if people ask you if you can recommend them.

Lusi Sun 30-Aug-09 17:40:22

I'm pleased she doesn't go anymore - she wanted to go just to play with some of the other children so she was a bit sad at being told she had to leave....
The parents I am thinking of both have young children who go there. I see and talk to both of them regularly at local groups. Before I have always been vague about why DD1 stopped going - but now if the subject comes up I'll tell them my full experience and opinion!
I'm just glad that other people (esp CMs) think that these things are not acceptable.
I don't want to report to OFSTED as it will be really obvious where it comes from and I have see these CMs after school nearly every day. Also I don't really have much evidence and I don't think they are really endangering children.
Needless to say I would not send my DD2 there...

Berryred Sun 30-Aug-09 17:44:27

shock how awful for your dd

Under no terms should a childminder shout at the charges. Or leave them alone in a car (wether she can see them or notangry big no no!)

I would not go mouthing off though, how would you feel if the books turned (not that there is any reason too!) but phone Ofsted,or National childmindind Assoiation who will give you some advice.

childminders like this give us a bad name sad

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 30-Aug-09 17:48:33

If it comes up in conversation you could say you used to use her but are glad not to now and see where it leads.

I am not sure you can just come out and say things to the other parents as they might think you are being vindictive.

tigermoth Sun 30-Aug-09 18:01:30

Agree - if asked, say you have had some problems with the CMS (and elaborate if asked more) but also explain your dd was happy there for many years and she looked forward to going there.

Tell both sides of the story, so you don't appear biased and leave other parents to make up their own minds.

flopalong Sun 30-Aug-09 19:19:51

Oh thats horrible, I'm a CM and wouldn't dream of treating children like that. I get older children (secondary school) to make their way to my house, but not primary school. They sound like lazy idiots your well rid a should tell the other mothers, if you feel you can I would also tell ofsted. I wouldn't normally say that but this is really bad and they are putting children at risk and humiliating them which is not allowed and gives cm's a really bad name.
They might change the way they are with children as they will know people are watching them and OFSTED are keeping a closer eye. So even if they stay registared the kids might have a better time there

TheIronLady Mon 31-Aug-09 18:42:34

They sound like two very nasty individuals angry

Would never shout at mindees nor would I ever leave them unattended.

When my two children were young, I used to quickly pop into a shop for a few moments (had sight of them through shop window though) until I read a story about another parent who had done just that but her car engine ignited (can't remember what happened now) since reading that all those years ago, I never left my children in the car alone again.

Agree with others to be very careful what you say to other parents so that you don't come across as vindictive!

twinkletoescare Tue 01-Sep-09 11:15:04

O my goodness this sounds like a CM in my area. hmm
i wonder if we live close to the same city???! hmm

Be glad she is no longer with her. your poor DD. sad

Carmel206 Tue 01-Sep-09 13:24:15

I would definitley report this - as a suspicion only - to Ofsted - you mentioned your child was left in a car with "babies" I don't know how old they are but maybe not old enough to be able to report back worries to their parents - the vunerable people here are the children these individuals are looking after and from your account it sounds to me like they need to have some one really examine theri capabilities to look after young childer or not.

For a CM to shout at a child is unacceptable always - everytime ( unless it is to stop them running out on the road while a car is approaching or a situation of this type ) I would really want to know about this before I put a child in their care - please report it to soemone.

alibubbles Tue 01-Sep-09 16:29:49

Mmm, sounds like a childminder I know and has been reported 4 times, she has 4 complaints on file, AND, she just got an outstanding!!

alibubbles Tue 01-Sep-09 16:31:13

Hi twinkletoes, are we thinking of the same person - H?

BoffinMum Tue 01-Sep-09 22:23:31

I would certainly tell Ofsted about the car incident. You should be even more careful with other people's children than your own IMO.

And maybe your DD made them look incompetent because they are incompetent? Don't be fooled by an outstanding rating - it's like a CRB check - it only tells you a very limited amount about individuals, and first and foremost people should rely on their own intuition.

thebody Tue 01-Sep-09 23:19:52

How on Earth can someone have been reported 4 times and still get outstanding.. just goes to show that in this climate its all about the paperwork and not about actually looking at the children and making sensible judgements.

There is never a reason to leave children in the car, even at petrol stations you can pay at the pump..

There is never a reason to shout at any child unless in extreme danger to save a life.

complain annomynously.. I would.. these cows give us all a bad name

MrsEricBanaMT Tue 01-Sep-09 23:26:12

"Arguably she could have gone looking for the CM"

At four and a half?? Not bloody likely. And what's with all the demands? They sound like fucking freakoids. Get on to Ofsted asap!

MrsEricBanaMT Tue 01-Sep-09 23:27:28

and post it on the notice board on Netmuns!

GlastonburyGoddess Tue 01-Sep-09 23:37:49

I had a cm like this. I was suspicious and hid a dictaphone is ds's bag. listened back to it that night and hed been left in her car for a significant amount of timeangry i removed him immediately and warned the dcs nursery who had her on their recomended list. it wasnt just that, if ds2 was crying(generaly v happy child, only ever really cries when in genuine distress, she wouldnt pick him up or comfort him, this broke my heart and nursery witnessed this sort of behaviour and shouting at times too when reinforced my warning that they take her off their list.

she would also work with another cm

twinkletoescare Wed 02-Sep-09 08:23:07

Alibubbles no not thinking of the same person BUT shocked that there may be 2 of them around here! shock

BoffinMum Wed 02-Sep-09 11:49:57

Heartbreaking, Glastonbury. sad How can people be like that with children??

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