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Would any childminder take a 6yr old with behavioural problems...pls read, advise...anything!

(15 Posts)
mummery Fri 28-Aug-09 18:52:18

Hi,

Ive been posting over the last couple of days on 'Parenting' and 'Other Subjects' re. my DS, who has just (today) been excluded from school on the grounds of violent and disruptive behaviour.

In a nutshell...I am self-employed and will have no income if I do not return to work as planned. I need to make arrangements for my son and having no partner, friends or family nearby my only option is to find a local childminder.

However would I be right in thinking that no CM would in a million years accept a 6yr old who had just been excluded from school on the above grounds?

We have been waiting for outside assessment of DS's behavioural problems which seem to be in the ADHD/ASD areas, but as yet he remains undiagnosed. He has always found school (and nursery before that) very problematic, becoming stressed and anxious and subsequently aggressive in crowds and especially the chaotic atmosphere of the small city school playground. In contrast at home he is largely calm and well-mannered, does get stressed sometimes and hits himself, cries at slight provocation, is competitive and controlling, exhibits (mild) repetitive behaviours. He has a slight speech delay as well.

What I guess I need to know is, are there CMs out there who would provide care for a child like this. I'm expecting the answer to be no as I guess every childminder has a number of other kids in their care, probably a lot younger, and wouldn't take the risk of a child like mine. I have never used a CM before it has always been just DS and me so have no idea of general practice or what my options might be.

Getting repetitve now...TIA for any help x x

AvadaKedavra Fri 28-Aug-09 18:56:07

I'd give your local council a ring and ask to be put in touch with the local development officer/network co-ordinator, they'll know what/who is available in your area.

Good luck

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Fri 28-Aug-09 19:03:12

have a look on gumtree/netmums to see if you can find a local nanny looking for work

madwomanintheattic Fri 28-Aug-09 19:05:12

the lea should be helping you out - have they offered any eotas services? is it a short term or long term exclusion?

madwomanintheattic Fri 28-Aug-09 19:08:10

i haven't read the other posts, sorry. the school senco and lea should be talking you through this. what is the short/ long term plan? i'm assuming ed psych assessment has already been requested via school? what was the outcome?

cis usually know which cm's take sn kids, but in these circs i would not be using them - i would be in discussions with the lea and paed to discuss strategies so that he can return to school or be given eotas support.

mummery Fri 28-Aug-09 19:11:55

It's a week's exclusion in the first instance but given that my son's problems are not going to magically disappear within that time (as in, he's not just being 'naughty') I'm expecting the school to say they don't have the resources to deal with him and thus will not have him back until resources are in place, which could take weeks.

I've been in touch with a couple of agencies who advised that a childminder is my only interim option. That being so, I need to find one who'd be willing to take DS, if such a person exists.

No idea what EOTAS stands for sorry, had the sh*est day have not even the function level required to work it out...

sad

mummery Fri 28-Aug-09 19:16:58

We have been waiting months for ed.psych assessment but not appeared yet. The psych. is in school next week but of course DS won't be there. She's just going in to talk to the headmistress. I don't know why they can get her in to speak to the head but in the space of six months can't get her in to watch DS for a couple of hours and make her assessment.

Which is all almost beside the point right now, the fact is I need childcare next week in order to work...

madwomanintheattic Fri 28-Aug-09 19:19:30

unacceptable on the part of the school/ lea.

your son is the highest priority for ep assessment. call the ep unit at the lea (pref in tears) and explain how desperate you are.

do you have a paed? call them and ask for an urgent appt.

nannynick Fri 28-Aug-09 19:28:08

Which country are you in? Many schools in England have not gone back yet, so I'm thinking that you may be in Scotland... is that right?

May be worth posting in the Special Needs and Education sections to establish what services your Local Education Authority has to provide.

With regard to childcare, a nanny is more likely in my view to be able to help you... but the cost will be quite high.
A childminder who doesn't care for any other children could work... but I wonder how likely you will be to find one of those. Childminders who care for other children in addition to your DS will need to consider the risk he poses to other children in their care. It could be very hard to evaluate that risk at present. While your DS may not be a risk at home... school has had some kind of trouble, thus a childminder may experience similar trouble... as it is not care in his home environment.

Your son's problems are not going to magically disappear alas but the school needs to find a way to manage issues that arise... and if they can't manage those issues they need to pass him on to another school which can. LEA's do have special needs schools, pupil referral units, places where there is a higher staff to child ratio so that the staff can help a child with difficulties they are experiencing and liaise with relevant specialists to get a diagnosis (if suitable) so the child gets ongoing support over their school years.

madwomanintheattic Fri 28-Aug-09 19:41:02

mummery, eotas is basically what nick said (education other than at school) - it's not relevant for a week's exclusion, it's more of a long term thing. essentially he won't be eligible until the school have declared they are unable to cope, and the lea won't accept that until they have tried support in the classroom.

ok - a similar lad in dd1's class was subject to a couple of similar exclusions for (i'm guessing) probably similar behaviours. he would totally lose it periodically and start lobbing chairs around etc etc. clearly v dangerous for all involved. the school had a behaviour plan which he was supposed to adhere to - (drawn up in conjunction with child and parents) but obviously he needed a lot of help. the school also drew up plans to be used in the event of an outburst. (the other children would leave the room and make their way to school hall whilst the teacher tried to talk him down. two children were responsible for alerting the head and another year group teacher for help). the school eventually employed a 1-1 assistant to work with him and was doing a really good job both trigger spotting, and trying to calm situations and events before they became unmanageable. she was teaching him coping strategies to use etc.

this stuff is not unusual, but it does require parents, teachers, the lea and nhs staff to be working together to put together strategies (get a paed!)

you must feel dreadful - but i always tell other people in your situation (and there are loads, honestly) to ask for help from other parents in the class. if the school is reluctant to do anything, you need other parents on board to highlight the effect that your son's behaviour is having on the other children in a rational way. not demanding exclusion, but suggesting that this is impacting the whole class, and he needs support so that these situations are reduced.

i really hope that the school are demanding the ed psych team pull their fingers out. a letter from a paed requesting urgent assessment will also help.

MatNanPlus Fri 28-Aug-09 23:04:35

Could you not turn up at the school on the day the ed.psych is there?

jancolls Sat 29-Aug-09 09:37:33

Try www.snapchildcare.co.uk a specialist SN agency. They may be able to find you a temp nanny for a while.

MrsMattie Sat 29-Aug-09 09:47:15

I do sympathise sad. My reception-age son has all of the traits you describe other than the speech delay.

Firstly, could you stretch to a nanny? Having someone who takes care of him in his own home and sticks to his routines might be your best option for the time being.

Secondly, what is the hold up with getting him assessed? This is not on. Can you go to your GP and ask for your own referral to an Ed Psych? We have done this. Our son's school is pretty good - he has been seen by the SEN and they have an IEP and regular-ish meetings with us - but they advised us to arrange the Ed Psych ourselves through a GP referral and requested that we copy them in on any reports etc. We got an appt in 8 weeks. The Ed Psych wrote her report within a fortnight and referred us to CAHMS - took about 10 weeks for that appt to come through (its next week).

I would definitely go down this route if I were you, while also pushing for the school to get their act together.

MrsMattie Sat 29-Aug-09 09:48:37

SENCo, should have said...

TheIronLady Mon 31-Aug-09 19:04:22

As somebody else has pointed out, try your local Children's Information Service or perhaps www.emergencychildcare.co.uk - you may be lucky enough to find a childminder who perhaps is low on numbers or has little work at the moment who could offer your son a place for the week.

I do sympathise with you, my son (early 20's now) was diagnosed ADHD/Dyslexic & slight language disorder at 7 & I remember very well when being called in to the school to take him home, in the end I used to go into the classroom for the mornings for about a year until he received a Statement of SEN. It was a long hard slog to get anything in place.

Now though, he is a keyworker for Autistic children and young adults smile

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