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Comments re: pay off new boss

(42 Posts)
mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 07:45:45

I have a quick question, what are all of your ways of dealing with someone who says to you on at least a couple of occasions that they could get a Filipina for less and I ought to be grateful? My new Dadboss has made several comments along these lines about "how much" I cost them and tbh it's making me really uncomfortable. They've paid me weekly for my first 2 weeks and I have worked non stop for 13 days so far with very little time off and no extra pay (have wrangled some time off in lieu in a couple of weeks)... they are paying the agreed amount in the contract (which we all signed 2 months ago) so there are no surprises or anything. Plus he's had me pay the small fee for the direct payment into my bank account. They are not short of money at all, but I'm beginning to see a pattern of tightness and pennypinching which concerns me, in that if I did do overtime etc I don't think they would willingly pay me. Mumboss is ok, she's very busy and appreciative of my help, it's just comments from Dadboss that are unsettling me. We are having an end of first month review next week, would I be out of bounds saying to them that these sort of comments are not helpful and in fact make me concerned that they will honour the contract as time goes on? I mean if Dadboss really feels that way, maybe he should have not employed me but found someone cheaper??? Ugh, I have gone above and beyond this last 7 days helping over 12 hours a day with a house move that wasn't part of the original deal, and also helping get their colicky 2 month old into a routine and sleeping through the night, and now I feel totally unvalued by the person who, it appears, is very begrudgingly handing over my pay each week.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated.

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 07:52:31

I should add, Dadboss is a very powerful executive who is used to getting his way with everything, and I am extremely intimidated when he makes these snide comments as he makes them, laughs wryly then walks away before I can say anything. He is friendly and personable much of the time but when it comes to money, he is tighter than a nun's wotsit and apparently get's lots of things "for free for being *his name*" .... well I don't believe my nannying services should be provided "for free" just because he is who he is. Is there a tactful way of telling him this?

turtle23 Fri 28-Aug-09 08:03:43

Fee for direct payment? That doesn't exist! WTF?
I have had jobs where the employers were like this....remember one time when I had bought a pint of milk when they ran out, wrote it in expenses, but corner shop had run out of til receipts. THey refused to pay the 52p or whatever it was because I hadn't produced a receipt even though they could see milk was in fridge.
I would speak very frankly to them about your concerns..all of them...because it will just get worse. If they are no better then RUN.

BonsoirAnna Fri 28-Aug-09 08:11:25

Get a new job, quick! Don't let yourself be treated this way, or you will get very depressed and undermined.

twinkletoescare Fri 28-Aug-09 08:19:43

OMG fee for direct payment? ive never heard of a fee?! hmm

I would definatly speak to them at your upcoming review. He has no right talking to you in this way, you are caring for his children, that deserves respect not petty comments re Filipina nanny hmm

If he treats you like this it will rub off on the children and that will make for a tricky working relationship all round.

Talk to them ASAP and do not allow yourself to be treated this way. angry

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 09:32:32

WRT to the fee for direct payment it apparently costs $18 to transfer money from his US bank account to my US bank account, so he said I should assume responsibility for that fee as I requested half my monthly pay to go into my US account (which we agreed to in the contract BUT I dod not agree to cover any fees as they said it was fine to do that)... SO I maybe am responsible for that fee as it's at my request.

As far as talking to them asap I am going to try and talk before the review as I feel like the longer these comments go on the less I will enjoy settling into this job, and if he's going to be a spoilt little boy expecting me to suddenly say "oh I love your baby and I love this city and I have such a nice bathroom I will do this job for free!" he's totally delusional. The latest comment was half an hour ago and he seriously said "You have the best bathroom any nanny ever had, don't you think so? What's that worth, ooh at least a hundred a week for the luxury huh" - well yes I have a steam shower and a wet room, yay. I still deserve my contracted pay and rights as laid out in the contract he signed though. Ugh.

msrisotto Fri 28-Aug-09 09:37:17

I would be very honest about how those comments make you feel. Finding a good nanny isn't easy and they need to appreciate you!

dinkystinky Fri 28-Aug-09 09:37:49

I would talk to them - explain that you're happy to give 100% to your job and have done so and will continue to do so but these kinds of comments are unhelpful and undermiming. If they are not happy with you they should tell you why. If I were you, I'd look for a job elsewhere unless he changes his attitude. Our nanny worked for a guy like this - the comments started like that and he then went on to tell her that if he thought his girls were getting too close to her he would sack her, he expected her to work ridiculous hours (including weekends)for very little pay and not to go out on her evenings off so she could be at his beck and call and basically treated her like a menial rather than a human being. So she quit after 6 months and came to work for us (and has been with us nearly 3 years - and is a lovely really good nanny who is brilliant with kids and goes the extra mile). He's been through 9 nannies in that time.

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 10:11:09

Thanks for all your comments so far. I have worked bloody hard since I started with this family and have started feeling pretty down about it thanks to Dadboss's attitude and comments. I know starting any new job is tough but I have never had to deal with a boss bemoaning the fact they have to pay me! I am contracted to 60hrs/wk but have so far averaged around 80, which I have knuckled down and done as really there was no choice IYSWIM. I am in charge of the baby from wake up to bedtime, which is fine, that's my job. I have also got baby into a routine and sleeping just about through the night, which is tough going when the poor little might is a colicky and gassy baby. And on top of my contractual duties I have helped with a house move, done extra shopping/errands/duties to help the family out. I love my job and take a lot of pride in it. So when these comments are made it's pretty hurtful. Very hurtful actually.

I think part of the problem is they know people who have hired Filipina nannies and yes I get paid double what they get. But they chose to hire me and were happy to sign the contract etc and pay agency fees. So it's upsetting now that he has such a stick up his ass about it.

BonsoirAnna Fri 28-Aug-09 10:31:38

Is this family English?

nellie12 Fri 28-Aug-09 10:42:21

run. Your story sounds similar to a friends employers when she was nannying. Things did not improve in fact the responsibilities and workload increased. Her time off became hard to get.

He sounds as though it isn't a nanny he wants but an underpaid slave.

annh Fri 28-Aug-09 10:42:37

No, I absolutely do not think you should feel beholden to your employer because they happen to be providing you with a nice bathroom and are paying you a decent salary! You might like to point out to them in the nicest possible way that in return for what they are providing for you which is strictly above and beyond your contracted requirements, you, in turn, are providing additional assistance to them and many hours of unpaid overtime. Perhaps you could be very polite but direct with him and ask him if he regrets employing you and wishes he had employed a Filipina instead as his comments are suggesting that to you? Either he stops with the comments or you will have to seriously consider leaving and getting a new job. If he goes unchallenged, the comments are only going to become more numerous and obvious. What is the jobs market like where you are?

LynetteScavo Fri 28-Aug-09 10:43:23

Unless the DAd is going to be out at work at lot, and you hardly ever see him, this just isn't going to work. sad

You are his baby's are in the families "inner circle" and you should be treated with the utmost repsect while you are working for them.

Yes, they maybe able to find a Filipna for less, but I have noticec they tend to have a different style of caring for children than Brits or Americans, which is why, I presume the Mum chose you.

You have 3 choices;

1) say something at the review, such as "Actually I can find another job which pays just as much, if not more, but where people don't begrudge paying me for my servies/hardwork/experience.

2) Stick it our for 12/18 months, get a good reference and move on.

3) Leave quickly, not expecting a reference and find another job, explaining you had a clash of personality with the Dadboss.

Or you could do 1 & 2.

Have I confused you now? grin

annh Fri 28-Aug-09 13:28:27

Don't forget to come back and let us know how it goes!

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 28-Aug-09 13:58:19


you pay peaanuts you get monkeys!! grin

seriously next time say yes, you do pay me a good wage,but I also earn it

and if you are feeling pmt bulshy - add on - if you really object to paying me, then i can leave and you can find someone cheaper ......

regards fee- seems a bit unfair that you have to pay it, but also dont see why they should - werid bank- so maybe suggest go halves?

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 14:09:08

LOL at Blondes grin

I don't care so much about the fee as I do the comments. I have a bedroom and bathroom, no bigger or better than theirs, and yet he keeps making a big deal of it like I should have my pay deducted for the privilege of having something bigger than a broom closet to sleep in. The thing that pees my off is that everything, absolutely everything was agreed to 2 months ago. My pay, hours, accommodation, duties, etc. And since I started the job I have done above and beyond what we agreed to, and he is begrudging doing the bare minimum of what we agreed.

They are busy this weekend, so will ask if we can chat later today while I am feeling sufficiently peeved to actually voice my opinion without chickening out!

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 28-Aug-09 14:34:35

he obv wants you under the stairs like HP grin

turtle23 Fri 28-Aug-09 15:31:02

If your pay was agreed with no discussion of this fee UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you pay it. What next, that they need to pay an accountant to do your taxes and you should pay that? No, not in the contract means no. Also, you are doing a lot of overtime...are you being paid extra for this? Didn't think so. Make sure you are standing up for what is yours or they will know that you will go along with whatever they want. Do not be scared of them. They NEED you.

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 15:52:25

They are using a payroll service to do all my taxes etc, and they are getting tax credits to cover some of my pay, so it's not like I am bankrupting them... as far as the overtime goes I have got some time off in lieu booked for next month, which I am ok with as I work 5.5 days a week and so a couple of long weekends will be great. My salary is not extortionate for the hours I do, but is a lot compared to their friends Filipina nannies. But they chose to hire me for my experience and references etc, and he wanted a "proper nanny not a Filipina" (their words not mine)... so I don't understand his attitude at all. Quite bizarre and unreasonable. Yet he just introduced me to one of his colleagues as "our wonderful British nanny" ... hmm I am starting to think he wants to have his cake and eat it, which is most definitely not going to happen. Can't wait to have a little "chat" later. I do have slight PMT which has given me temporary balls. grin but I am in the right here, most definitely, and so I don't feel too bad about bringing these things to his attention.

AtheneNoctua Fri 28-Aug-09 16:05:21

I think people like this exist in all lines of work. If I were in your place I would just turn the whole thing round. Keep telling him what a fab nanny you are and what a good deal he has. Why he says something snotty, I would politely dish it right back. I think guys like this have power trip / satisfaction thing going on when they treat people this way. And sometimes -- not always but sometimes -- you earn their respect by standing up for yourself.

You have nothing to lose really. You aren't happy. Tell him what your boundaries are.

But, it is very important to keep your cool and not get upset or emotional about it.

Don't make that monkey/peanut comment. That would piss me off. And you objective is not to make him mad. It is to demand his respect.

mananny Fri 28-Aug-09 16:19:42

You are so right about the power trip thing, he talks appallingly to his "staff" and totally gets away with the whole Big Man act. I am just going to tell him that after 12 years experience and amazing references that vouch for my professionalism and ability to do an amazing job, I expect to be treated with due respect, which means no comments and graciously paying me my fair and agreed salary. If he wants a cheaper form of childcare then he should let me know sooner rather than later, so we can all make the appropriate arangements. I will point out how eager he was to "snap me up" based on the fact I am a very good nanny, and ask him to please outline any concerns he has on my performance thus far. But really he has nothing to complain about at all. His 2 month old daughter, who is a colicky and gassy baby, was all over the place when I started. Now she is in a great routine, sleeps 730pm til midnight, feeds then sleeps through til around 630am, she is a happy chubby little bundle when she isn't colicky. I am quite proud with how well she is doing thanks to the relentlessly long hours I have devoted to getting her settled into a routine that works for both her and her very busy and demanding parents. My contract states she is my sole priority and on this point alone I feel I have performed really well.

AtheneNoctua Fri 28-Aug-09 16:24:13

So what does this guy do for a living? I'm picturing a New York banker who doesn't know squat about little babies. Probably thinks they are women's work.

AtheneNoctua Fri 28-Aug-09 16:26:37

Oh, incidentally, I have an English friend who was once an au pair / nanny to a banker family outside New York and she says that she was their status symbol, being an "English nanny". There might be some of that goin on at your family too. One of her jobs was to get up early on Saturday morning and sit inthe hall and make sure the children didn't go in and wake the parents up too early.

BlingLoving Fri 28-Aug-09 16:27:41

I think your arguments are all sound. HOwever, before actually making it formal via your review process, I would attempt to address it firmly but casually in passing.

He says, "Why do you pay me so much, I can a philipino nanny for half the price"
You say, "Of course that's your choice - please let me know if you'd to give me notice so that I can go ahead and find a new position with a family that is happy to pay for the service".

He says, "you're getting a luxury bathroom which is a whole lot extra on your pay"
You say, "Yes, I enjoy live in positions because although the base pay is lower I find the convenience of being close to the family and the children I care for is worth it.".

I think a lot of people make these comments because they misguidedly think they are a) funny and b) that you should be grateful and c) can get away with it. So you have to nip it in the bud asap.

BlingLoving Fri 28-Aug-09 16:29:30

Also, I feel that if you address this in your review, you run the risk of being told you're "over sensitive" and that he's "just joking" and then the new comments start, "Ooh, I better not say anything about the bathroom, mananny gets upset...".

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