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WHAT SHOULD I DO?

(8 Posts)
Nam10 Wed 26-Aug-09 19:37:15

Really upset tonight.
DS(10 months) been with great CM for 2 months. She has a 3 yr old boy. She told us 2 weeks ago that her son occ pushes mine ( but not hard ), then, having not witnessed anything when dropping or picking hin up, we've started seeing her son push ours so hard , dragging him along floor by his legs, swinging toys violently at his direction.
CM gets upset, sends him harshly to naughty step ( as she usually does) but I got really upset tonight. Told her naughty step not OBVIOUSLY working and that I dont want my son to be his punching bag.
Her comments so far: oh he's just really tired; he's just wanting to play; he's jealous; I'm here all the time.

ADVISE PLEASE: What should I do. I think it happens often. DS is with her 3 days a week.He's otherwise unphased, happy and loves CM. She really also does love him but her son is a nightmare.
Thanks.I'm all cried out.

Summersoon Wed 26-Aug-09 20:26:16

Personally I could not imagine leaving my child in a situation like that once I knew what it was. It does not sound as if your CM is capable or willing to correct her DS; therefore, I would be really concerned that your son could get hurt because the CM's son is too young to know when to stop, also that this behaviour could have some negative psychological impact on your son.
If this happened occasionally on a playdate with a friend, I would say let it go but 3 days a week while you are not there?
I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation though.

babbi Wed 26-Aug-09 20:36:29

You know what to do - take him out immediately . Why on earth would you consider sending your 10 month old baby somewhere where he is dragged along by his legs ?

Nam10 Wed 26-Aug-09 20:49:38

I am considering taking him out; however, the positives are very positive
He's always so happy when we drop and pick him up; he appears well balanced, not fearful or angry; he has not yet demonstrated to us any 'reg flags' of psychological damage.
I would NEVER leave my baby in a dangerous situation. I just wonder if this boy is just excessively playful and doesn't understand that DS is too young to play at his level. Or/and he's at that defiant age and pushing his boundaries. He's going to nursery soon, I think September so the 'problem' will be gone.
I also really believe that she's a wonderful CM and with her son away I would be happy to keep her.
This kid needs discipline ASAP

leeloo1 Wed 26-Aug-09 21:59:24

So sorry to hear about this situation. If you're not ready to remove your son then maybe arrange a meeting with her to find out how she is planning to deal with the incidents because the naughty step isn't working. I'd be concerned that if she can't discipline her own son then how will she be training your baby (or any other children she cares for) to behave well? She should also be making a written record of each incident and getting you to sign this when you collect your son each day.

At 3, if her son is starting nursery its likely to be a few hours a day - so its likely that he will be even more tired, will be pushing more boundaries and will be more jealous. He'll also get used to older children and may display more rough behaviour - hopefully the nursery will try to combat this, but if your CM isn't consistent then his behaviour will probably worsen. Again if you do leave your son there then find out when her child will be in nursery and how she intends to settle him, deal with his emotional issues etc.

Only you can decide how badly injured you think your son may be by this child and whether you are willing to take the risk each day, but if it was me I would be more concerned by the CMs apparent inability to deal with the behaviour - as most children will be violent at some point. If toys are being swung at him and he is being dragged by his legs - what is the CM doing whilst this is going on and she is 'there all the time'? hmm

WriggleJiggle Wed 26-Aug-09 23:02:04

Sorry, but I would take him out. I couldn't cope with the worry all day, wondering what may or maynot have happened that day. Also, as you little one is (presumably) non verbal you can not be sure of finding out exactly what is happeneing there.

As others have said, in September things are likely to get worse because of tiredness, the influence of older children, and jealousy.

She may be wonderful, but her child isn't, and your child shouldn't have to suffer because of this.

One of the things that filled me with confidence about my childminder is how well adjusted and polite her children are.

HSMM Thu 27-Aug-09 08:27:42

I am a CM and I would probably take him out of there. However ... do consider that her son may play up more when other parents are there, to kind of stake his claim on his Mum. My DD used to do that (but in a more annoying than violent way).

nbee84 Thu 27-Aug-09 08:51:19

Agree with HSMM children very often behave worse when another parent is there - they know that they haven't got your full attention while you are chatting and doing a handover to the parent (my kids always played me up when I was on the phone!). Also the end of the day can be particularly bad, especially for 3 year olds who may have just dropped their daytime sleep so are especially tired.

I would set up a meeting with the cm (maybe without your lo around so you can concentrate without the distractions) and get her to fully outline her action plan to deal with this and how she will deal with a tired child after nursery when she is probably needing to make lunch etc. It would be a shame to change cm at this stage but if you don't get answers that reassure you then you may have to consider it.

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