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Nanny leaving to go on maternity leave - is there an accepted parting gift?

(25 Posts)
CinnabarRed Tue 25-Aug-09 15:45:07

Our lovely nanny is leaving us in a month to go on maternity leave, and we're really pleased for her (although sorry that a successful professional relationship is coming to an end, I very much hope we'll stay in touch).

She is our first and last nanny (DS, aged 21 months, will be starting at a childminder when our nanny leaves, which all three of us - DP, nanny and I - agreed would be best for him rather than another nanny).

I wondered if there's an accepted parting gift in such circumstances, a bit like bonuses paid to au pairs? I really don't want to cause embarrassment by going OTT, or resentment by doing too little. A leaving gift/bonus to her will be separate to a gift when her LO is born, by the way.

Any advice gratefully received!

Maybe a voucher for her hairdresser or for a facial if she likes that kind of thing (persoanlly either would be my worst nightmare having hair cut is a neccesity not a luxury for me!!)

gift vouchers for her fav shop maybe next, marks and spencer so she can buy new clothes for herself after baby is born.

also does the childminder your son is going to go to do vouchers for babysitting/ad-hoc care as this she may find valuable for some time to herself or for a eve out without worrying about childcare.

BonsoirAnna Tue 25-Aug-09 17:14:27

Cash in an envelope.

CinnabarRed Tue 25-Aug-09 18:21:18

Great ideas, thank you. What kind of quantum do you think I should spend?

limonchik Tue 25-Aug-09 18:39:53

Cash bonus (weeks wages?) and a gift from your ds. I'm sure the money isn't expected though.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 25-Aug-09 18:42:24

Why did you decide another nanny was not right after having a good one and what has it to do with the nanny anyway?

CinnabarRed Tue 25-Aug-09 21:11:57

We (DP and me) felt that DS would benefit from not getting one-on-one attention all the time. He's the only grandchild on both sides and gets a little bit spoilt - we hope he'll enjoy being in a homely environment while starting to appreciate that he has to share with others on occasion. We asked our nanny for her opinion because we value her views, just as we talked also to our friends with children in different childcare environments and our families - if she'd entirely disagreed with us then it might not have changed our mind but it would have been something we factored in when coming to a decision.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 12:19:45

Interesting reason.

CinnabarRed Wed 26-Aug-09 12:39:08

Interesting response, FabBakerGirl. In all seriousness, is it that unusual an explanation?

(Am feeling a bit sensitive about our decision, TBH. DS has been very happy with our nanny and we could afford another nanny as a replacement if we chose. If my considerations were the only ones, I would prefer another nanny because frankly it would make my life much easier - but others, including DP have given me excellent reasons for why its time for DS to move on from one-to-one care. DS is a very outgoing and social little boy, so I think he'll enjoy greater social interactions. I just want to do what's best for DS, and find the whole childcare thing quite daunting.)

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 13:27:47

I just think it is a crazy reason, sorry.

He is a baby and should be spoilt.

Plenty of time for learning about sharing. He is barely out of the womb compared to the changes he has coming in the next few years.

CinnabarRed Wed 26-Aug-09 13:35:06

I'd be lying if I said that I don't share some of your reservations. I really hope that we're doing the best thing for DS, but we can't tell until we've tried it. If there's even a hint that things aren't working out for him then we'll revise our plans.

At the risk of being nosy, and with no obligation on your part to answer, what childcare arrangements do you have for your DC?

foxinsocks Wed 26-Aug-09 13:40:30

I got ours John Lewis vouchers when she went on maternity leave

foxinsocks Wed 26-Aug-09 13:41:58

and tbh, I don't think that's a bad reason to change to a childminder. It's a reason a lot of people choose nurseries (all the other children around).

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 13:42:16

I am a sahm.

I have been an au pair, mother's help and nanny in the past.

sailorsgal Wed 26-Aug-09 13:49:12

I think cash is a good idea and then she can get what she wants.

CinnabarRed Wed 26-Aug-09 14:07:10

Thanks foxinsocks and FabBakerGirl for your views on Nanny/CM, and to the other posters for their comments about gifts. Most appreciated.

Stayingsunnygirl Wed 26-Aug-09 14:20:21

CinnabarRed - it sounds as though you and your dh have considered very carefully what will be the best childcare option for your child, and in response to what FabBakerGirl has said (though not an attempt to get at her), I would say a couple of things.

Firstly, there is no one 'right' decision - what works best for you and your ds might not work for another parent and child. Secondly, you aren't closing the door on having one-to-one care for him anyway - if the childminder doesn't work out, or you feel it's not suiting him or you having him there, then you always have the option of finding another nanny.

You sound like a very caring parent and also a good employer, and I wish you well.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Wed 26-Aug-09 14:41:42

I have worked as a nanny and in a nursery I see a childminder as offering a little of both of these and to be honest am a little sad that fab would be so against it. Your little one will still be spoiled and given lots of 1on1 attention but also learn alongside his peers.

With relation to the gift I would get ds to make the nanny a card or a gift - then spend £50 on vouchers?

Laquitar Wed 26-Aug-09 14:50:46

I would say cash - 1 weeks wages.
After all no ML or redundancy payment.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 15:19:42

Stayingsunnygirl smile I didn't feel got at though nice of you to consider my feelings but I did feel that the OP was having some doubts.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 15:21:59

lifeinagoldfishbowl I never said I was againsy her having a CM. I just felt her reasons were unusual and I felt that the OP might have felt pushed into that option.

It really doesn't matter what I think. It isn't my child.

CinnabarRed Wed 26-Aug-09 16:08:49

Yes, indeed, there are doubts. But to be fair, I'm a worrier - I would have doubts no matter which option I chose! I value everyone's comments, because all information contributes to the decision-making process. I still think, overall, a CM is best for DS - subject of course to how things work out in practice.

limonchik Wed 26-Aug-09 16:39:52

I'm a former nursery nurse and current nanny, and I'm of the opinion that children's needs do change as they get older. Overall, I do think nannies are the best childcare option - and particularly for children under 2ish. From around 2 I do think they benefit from having other children around and learning all the social stuff, so a childminder sounds like a good choice especially from an only child. From 3ish I think they get a lot out of the social aspect, resources, structure of a nursery. Of course a good nanny could/should be providing the social interaction and structured activities for an older child too.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 26-Aug-09 16:48:04

I am a worrier too.

Stayingsunnygirl Wed 26-Aug-09 22:15:15

I have a firstclass degree in worry from the University of Anxiety, Stresstown, England! It is one of my main talents. sad

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