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OK AP has asked to put some beers in the fridge...

(24 Posts)
NewTeacher Fri 21-Aug-09 19:06:53

Ermm I was taken by surprise and mumbled ok.

AP was with me when I went shopping and I picked up some beers as they were on offer in Tesco for DH.
Now she has asked to put some in the fridge, so is she...

1. Thinking about my DH - that he'd like a cold beer when he gets in from work?

2. She fancies one herself?

I have no problem with AP's drinking, having said that I'd rather they didnt in the house IYSWIM...and I have no intention of supplying alcohol for her as it certainly isnt a necessity well not in my books.

So my question ladies and gents is how do I tackle this predicament??? Neither of my previous AP's ever drank in the house or had our alcohol though I know they went to the pub etc so did drink.

nannynick Fri 21-Aug-09 19:11:19

Maybe 1, probably 2.

You don't want her drinking in your house but you don't mind your DH drinking in your house?

Perhaps now would be a good opportunity to discuss alcohol consumption rules within the home. For example, only after the children have gone to bed.

DeathbyDora Fri 21-Aug-09 19:15:20

It is a wee bit presumptious I think, assuming she wants to help herself to one later. I would also have thought that most AP's don't really make a habit of drinking in front of their clients?

I generally try to be pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff but agree, I would also be a bit taken aback. I guess you could just wait and see whether she actually takes one and tackle it then? I had a part time nanny who would help me put the shopping away sometimes and would be munching away on everything as she chatted away! It used to really get on my nerves, especially when she would open all the new packets of ham & turkey to just help herself.

Don't let it niggle you, if you're bothered just ask.

frasersmummy Fri 21-Aug-09 19:18:00

maybe she was thinking of you ...

its Friday night my boss might want that later and she hasnt chilled it???

NewTeacher Fri 21-Aug-09 19:18:11

I should add I bought the beers this morning when shopping and left them in the cupboard in their box...

She has just asked to put them in the fridge now. So it wasnt whilst putting the shopping away.

NewTeacher Fri 21-Aug-09 19:20:47

I dont drink beer blush I'm more of a lambrini girl blush blush

thatsnotmybelly Fri 21-Aug-09 19:31:16

Does she live with you? I assume she does. And I assume she is over 18?

If so, I think she ought to be allowed to have a drink when she's off duty. Why shouldn't she have a glass of wine watching telly in the evenings? It's a perfectly legal and civilised way to wind down at the end of the day. Especially as you obviously have no issues with alcohol being drunk in the house.

You don't have to pay for it. Though, personally I don't think I could bring myself to begrudge a beer to someone who spends their days looking after my children.

NewTeacher Fri 21-Aug-09 19:36:28

Its not that I begrudge her, where do you draw the line then?

thatsnotmybelly Fri 21-Aug-09 19:42:47

Erm... I think if she had the odd bottle of beer, say maybe three bottles over 2 or three evenings in a week and not necessarily every week, I would be quite happy for her to help herself.

If I really liked her and she was doing a great job it would probably be more.

If I reached a point where I felt irked to be buying her beer, I would say something along the lines of dh not wanting to be left without beer in the fridge, so maybe it would be better if she and dh each had their own beer, and would she like to give me a fiver next time I did a shop and I'd pick up her preferred brand.

I think.

thedollshouse Fri 21-Aug-09 19:46:03

I think she is planning on having one. I wouldn't begrudge the odd one, if it becomes a habit I would ask her to buy her own.

HarrietTheSpy Fri 21-Aug-09 19:51:54

I can't seem to get myself worked up about this! I think I would be okay about it actually. Like the other poster - I'm assuming she's not actually underaged.

Unless you have a very good reason to suspect she's got some sort of problem, I try to relax about it and see how it goes on this occasion. Is it really a problem for her to have the odd beer if the kids are asleep? If she ends up putting back half a dozen, then rethink!! wink

limonchik Fri 21-Aug-09 20:05:33

I wouldn't think it would matter if she has the occasional beer or glass of wine in the evenings, it is a Friday night! So long as she's not getting drunk every night I can't see the problem.

I've been an au pair and live-in nanny, and have often had a glass of wine or beer in the evening or over dinner. I have never felt that the families have begrudged me drinking their beer/wine any more than they have me drinking their juice or coke.

colditz Fri 21-Aug-09 20:15:29

Is the issue her drinking, or is it her drinking your dh's beer?

If the issue is her drinking, you need to get a grip. You trust her with your children, why don't you trust her to regulate her own leisure time?

If the issue is your dh's beer, let it go tonight but make sure she knows she's expected to buy her own.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Fri 21-Aug-09 22:02:22

as a live in nanny I love the nights MB pours me a chilled glass of wine or sends one of the children up with a glass.

Looby4 Fri 21-Aug-09 22:40:10

I always pour my au pair a glass of wine if I am having one, or she is eating with us and we are drinking. I always show them the drinks cupboard when they arrive. I offer my male au pair a beer if we are chatting as the kids eat their dinner, if I am having a glass of wine myself. I see them as an equal, as another adult in the house and a friend for me as well as the kids. In a nutshell, what they're meant to be, a member of the family, or a guest. I assume you offer your guests a drink!!

QuintessentialShadows Fri 21-Aug-09 22:46:36

I agree with Looby4.

She is an adult in your house. If you or dh have a beer, or some wine, it would be rude not to offer her some.

But, if I bought one bottle of wine, I would not particularly like it if I found that the au pair had opened it and helped herself without my knowledge.

PixiNanny Fri 21-Aug-09 23:56:36

I see no reason why she shouldn't have one after the kids have gone to bed, as long as she doesn't take the pee with it. I've had four beers with my host family I think? grin They used to offer me a glass of wine every night and I always turned it down, then discovered that I prefer beer so DB offers me that when he's home now but I tend not to take him up on the offer!

Downside is that now I get tipsy off of a few shandies and sprizters as I discovered last weekend! grin

madusa Sat 22-Aug-09 08:24:03

I had a lovely german au pair who would ask if she could have some of the wine we had in the house

Of course she could, it meant that we could both sit down in the evening once the children had gone to bed and have a chat over a nice glass of wine.

She never just helped herself and would only ever have one if I was too.

I can't see the problem TBH

kittywise Sat 22-Aug-09 08:51:32

The only experience I have is with my first au pair who as it turned out had an alcohol problem, so I feel a bit twitchy about it.

All the subsequent au pairs I've had have stated that they do not drink so it hasn't been an issue..

I think though that I would expect the aupair to buy her own alcohol if she was going to be drinking on a regular basis. It is a luxury not a necessity.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 22-Aug-09 09:25:50

i assume she is over 18

why cant she have a beer or glass of wine in your house once kids are in bed hmm

do you not ever have a drink with your meal or at end of day if kids being a pita grin

i know I NEEDED one after yesterdays day smile

wickedwitchofwestfield Sat 22-Aug-09 10:01:40

the lovely family who I babysit for have on more than one occassion presented me and my fiancé (when its a saturday night babysit) with a bottle of wine to --polish off-- sip while the boys are asleep, which I am more than grateful for grin

as long as she isn't drinking while on duty, or sitting around getting blind drunk on your beers then what is the issue? I always assumed that au pairs were meant to be 'a part of the family' and if in your family, certain memebers relax with a beer or several then it makes sense that you would allow you au pair too?

although, if she starts taking the mick and helping herself a bit too much, then she can buy her own! lol

catepilarr Sat 22-Aug-09 19:32:50

is it just the beer, or do you have similar feelings about chocolates, biscuits etc? i dont drink, so not an issue here (eventhough i always get a glas of wine offered when the family have one ) but i can always have some chocolate, biscuits or other goodies that are in the cupboard. the family even buys a bar of chocolate specially for me (i did not ask them to do that ;))

NewTeacher Sat 22-Aug-09 22:01:17

Thanks for all the advice it seems the general concensus is that its the norm for AP's to drink in households these days.

I have to admit we dont drink every Friday or have a glass of wine every evening so to me and DH alcohol is more of a luxury than an everyday necessity hence it niggled me.

A box of 12 beers would probably last about 4 months in our house unless of course we had friends over. The alcohol in our cabinet has probably been on the shelf for as long as it was in the distillery!

The AP did have a beer and I will let it go this time but will tell her in future she needs to buy her own. If we drank on a regular basis then yes I dont mind her having one every now and then. Since we dont its a different issue.

gingernutlover Sun 23-Aug-09 19:55:38

does she have to ask permisssion to eat/drink other things in the house?

If not, then you probably have to make it clear what she should ask for/not ask for, or if there's anything you expect her to buy for herself.

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