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(10 Posts)
Crazymama Wed 25-May-05 17:41:32

Hi

I was hoping to get some views to enable me to consider my situation.

My son is looked after by a reg childminder, who is great. The childminder also looks after a little boy with learning difficulties. The little boy uses bad language continually and is quite a handful.

My concern is that my son is now repeating the language, which is very disgusting for such a young child (its not your occassional swear word!)

I am not sure if I am being selfish raising my concerns with the childminder (after all, the parents of the other child have a much harder job on their hands than me). Another part of me thinkgs that eventually, my son will see this language at nursery etc so its better to try and deal with it now.

On the other hand, the childminder started looking after the autistic child without any discussion with the other parents about the consequances - and clearly it has an impact on my childs development.

I would welcome a discussion to help me see things more clearly. Childminders especially.

chonky Wed 25-May-05 18:06:49

Crazymama,

Why don't you discuss this with your childminder, then she maybe can approach the parents/external support for some help in dealing with the situation. I don't think there's any harm done from discussing it openly with her, until you speak to her then she may not realise that your ds is reproducing the language back home.

As an aside, I'm not too sure why the childminder should need to discuss taking on the child with the other parents, did she discuss taking on your ds with the other parents? Children with SN need childcare facilities too.

milge Wed 25-May-05 18:57:13

"the childminder started looking after the autistic child without any discussion with the other parents about the consequances - and clearly it has an impact on my childs development" . "normal" children can learn from SN kids too! Sympathise re the bad language, but you could have phrased it a little more diplomatically - a lot of us on MN have SN kids and your phrasing offends me.

hercules Wed 25-May-05 18:58:37

use it as an opportunity to teach your child tolerance.

louie6 Wed 25-May-05 19:02:19

I had a childminder that looked after a sn boy and was a relative of the childminders. CM did discuss it with parents, as she him new him very well and was aware of incidents were he had slapped and kicked other children when in someone elses care.
Bascially she assured us how she could minimise the risk of this happening and avoiding certain situations especially in really active play. IMO other children could slap and kick anyway.

Ds did come home with a few bruises, it could have happened it any situation around other children.

I don't think you are being selfish its better to be open and say what concerns you. More than likely your childminder will be aware of the language as small children do repeat it, so the conversation may not come as a shock to her.

Sn children still need childcare, but equally I would like my toddler to be exposed to foul language alot later in life.

aloha Wed 25-May-05 19:04:39

Um, well I would be concerned if my child was continually exposed to crude swearing from any source. Obviously it is not the other child's fault (though I do wonder where he learned it, actually) and I agree with others that the childminder was not obliged to tell you she was taking on a child with learning difficulties. I assume your child is happy in this environment and your only concern is the swearing? If so, I think your options are simple - have zero tolerance to your child using bad language at home - just because a child knows a word doesn't mean they have to use it, and carry on.
Remove your child, which seems extreme and unecessary if the childminder is good and your child is happy
Talk to the childminder about your concerns and ask her how she tackles the bad language (from both children) while they are in her care.
I don't necessarily agree that just because your child spends time with an autistic child that this will damage his development. Are they the only two children in her care? Is your son f/t?

Crazymama Wed 25-May-05 20:56:05

Milge, I apologise that you were offended by my post.

What I meant by the 'impact' is the swearing only, but is not made clear by my post. I did not mean that there are other hidden consequances.

The reason why I suggested that the childminder might have discussed this with the other parents (I do not know if she should or should not have)is that my now child spends the day with a child who swears continually, which is not the ideal environment the placement once was.

Again, I apologise I do not want to offend anyone, only discuss the pros and cons of the situation.

milge Wed 25-May-05 21:15:41

thanks, CM, I know you did not intend to upset people. I can truly understand your concern re the swearing, it is not something that i would wish my kids to be faced with every day. I don't think the CM should have discussed her taking on a SN child with the parents of other children, but i do think you have every right to raise your concerns with the CM.

louie6 Wed 25-May-05 21:33:16

I can see your issue is the swearing and I think th CM could have mentioned it to you and advised you on how she deals with it. After all it is continous so would have some affect on other children and no parent would like this exposure to such words.

Its easier said than done adapting no tolerace at home - depending on the age of your child and understanding and reasoning.

I do sympathise with you.

geekgrrl Sat 28-May-05 19:26:11

aargh crazymama what a difficult one this is. As a parent of a child with SN I do of course fully understand that kiddies with SN need childcare too, but I do wonder what sort of environment this little boy has - I know plenty of little ones with ASD and none of them are foul-mouthed (to be honest most of them are non-verbal).
I too would be horrified if any of mine started spewing forth bad language; I think you have every right to talk to your childminder about this.
I don't think zero tolerance at home works for a young child (preschooler) and the childminder should have support from the other child's parents, as well as an educational psychologist, to tackle this rather antisocial habit.

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