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Am I overreacting or is this a big deal?

(11 Posts)
melonian Tue 14-Jul-09 20:21:10

My DS 15 months has been going to a childminder for 3 months, and I am generally really pleased with her, and he seems really happy there. There are a few minor issues like the telly seems to be on most of the time, but I really like and trust the childminder.

However, my DH picked DS up earlier than usual yesterday just as she was returning home, and she had left the children with her husband, who works from home. My DS was having a nap at the time anyway, and I don't know how long she was gone, but I just feel it was wrong - husband hasn't been CRB checked or anything.

The other thing was he had been in the same nappy all day from 8 when I left him until 3 when DH picked him up (we use cloth and there were no dirty ones in his bag). I am v.unimpressed that she didn't change him before his nap.

Would this be a dealbreaker for you? DC2 is due in Oct and I had planned to keep sending him 2 mornings when I am on mat leave but am now thinking of looking for a nursery for both DC and leaving the childminder when I go on mat leave.

Thanks for your opinions

onepieceoflollipop Tue 14-Jul-09 20:25:59

I wouldn't be happy with this tbh.

Re the crb check, afaik her husband should have been crb checked regardless. Afaik any adult members resident in the household have to be according to OFSTED.

I wouldn't be "generally really pleased" with a cm who had the tv on most of the time (how do you know this?)

Also I wouldn't be happy if a nappy (regardless of disposable or cloth) wasn't changed for 7 hours or more.

The dealbreaker for me would be that I couldn't approach the cm to discuss these issues in the first place.

That really is a priority imo, i.e. that you feel you can approach her with any issues, potentially before things even become an issue.

PixiNanny Tue 14-Jul-09 20:28:10

Shouoldn't the husband and anyone over 16 be CRB'd anyways? Also, no nappy change for that long? Was he dry? I hope so, but even then I wouldn't be entirely happy :/ And I don't think she should be leaving the kids with her DH. That'd be like me leaving my two charges with my boyfriend when he visits while I pop to the shops or something. I'm the one who my bosses hired, not anybody else.

2anddone Tue 14-Jul-09 20:30:12

Firstly husband would be crb checked OFSTED insist that everyone that lives in the childminders house overthe age of 16 is. I don't feel that this would be an instant deal breaker however I would ask her a couple of questions as there may be a reasonable answer for example she may have been called out on an emergency (I am a cm with a policy to say my mindees can be left with dh in an emergency and parents have all signed it) She may have popped out quickly to collect the children from school while your ds was having a nap (not usual practise for a cm but if one of my mindees had been very tired and upset most of the day and then fell asleep right before a school run I would be tempted to leave him asleep) Maybe the nappy was checked before he went down for a nap and was not very wet (depending on how much he had drunk during the day) and then he had had a huge wee while asleep. I am not saying that what she has done is right but I am saying don't jump to conclusions just for this first time offence please ask her there may be a reasonable answer and if there isn't then go with your instincts.
BTW my TV is on most of the day but as background noise for me as the radio is broken and the mindees I do have don't talk much yet, noone actually sits down to watch it chance would be a fine thing!

PSCMUM Tue 14-Jul-09 20:35:47

terrible, poor you! I'm afraid yes, it'd be a deal breaker for me - its the breach of trust, not the specific issues, your children can't talk and ring you in the middle of the day to tell you if anything is wrong, and so you trust the CM to care for them completely, if she leaves them with her husband (Why did she do that? anyone else walk out of work half way through the day and handover to their husband?!) and doens't change nappies, that is a breach of trust too far. poor you,. nightmare

LyraSilvertongue Tue 14-Jul-09 20:37:35

Has this been posted twice or am I going mad?

melonian Tue 14-Jul-09 21:08:54

Thanks for your replies yes I did post it in AIBU aswell but wanted to get some CMs' perspectives, sorry if thats bad MN etiquette. I will speak to her, but pscmum is right, it's not the individual issues that are unforgivable, but I do feel that I can't be sure what is happening when I'm not there.

I do feel ok about talking to her, just haven't seen her yet as DS is only 2 days a week. I wouldn't be that concerned about her husband looking after the children, if she'd asked I would prefer that rather than wake DS up, but it hadn't been agreed beforehand. It's hard cos I've forgotten to change his nappy bafore his nap before, and I've nipped to the shop while my neighbour keeps an ear out for him aswell, but I just need to be able to trust her 100%.

Thanks for letting me know about the CRB thing as well.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 15-Jul-09 13:01:26

7hrs in one nappy shock thats DREADFUL

the cm dh will have been crbed

i can understand that she didnt want to wake your ds, but nannys can do this (leave with friend with mb permission) where cm cant

aGalChangedHerName Wed 15-Jul-09 14:13:00

I have written permission from my eldest mindees parents that my DH can take care of him in an emergency (he is nearly 7)

Because i finish fairly late at night,can be between 6.30/7pm he can also be left with DH if i have training etc. If they hadn't given permission i would be unable to access the training on offer as most of it starts at 7/7.30pm.

DH and DS1 have both been CRB'd.

aGalChangedHerName Wed 15-Jul-09 14:13:59

The nappy however shock I change my 2 year old mindee 4 x between 8am and 5pm. I would be fizzing at that.

orangegerbera Wed 15-Jul-09 22:07:59

Would not leave mindees with anyone else except in extreme emergency as agreed on policy. Husband would have to be CRB checked if she is registered but he is not a registered childminder so should not have been left with child-however inconvenient that might be. Could also put her husband in a vunerable position to be left alone with them. As for the nappy-not acceptable. If it was dry after so long that is also worrying.

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