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GRRRRR how many times do i have to tell my otherwise fab nanny..

(23 Posts)
oopsagain Wed 08-Jul-09 18:23:36

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Blondeshavemorefun Wed 08-Jul-09 18:50:13

so your nanny is saying you must eat up or you cant have pudding?

why doesnt she leave them to eat and then see what happens?

from what you are saying, if they dont finish or nearly finish then they dont get offered fruit/pudding - is that right?

i dont understand why she is forcing them to eat hmm

my guys roughly the same age as yours, will eat a good healthy tea and then have fruit and then yog/creme caramel, ruce pudding etc if got room

they will normally eat all of what is on the plate as i know their portion size iyswim - tho sometimes i will say 3 more and you can have fruit if lagging

but if they havent eaten it by 30mins, i put the buzzer on for 10mins and if not eaten by then, then it goes in the bin, no pudding and nothing till next meal

i think 40mins to eat a meal is enough time

maybe your nanny is giving larger portions then you do?

Laquitar Wed 08-Jul-09 18:52:37

What did she say when you talked to her?

Personally i usually say 'let it go'etc but when it comes to food and forcefeeding it would worry me A LOT.

Definetely speak to her again and yes good idea to write it down.

thisisyesterday Wed 08-Jul-09 18:56:39

oh that would make me mad. def talk to her again, and put it in writing.

limonchik Wed 08-Jul-09 19:06:14

If she's ignoring your explicit wishes on how to care for your children, then she doesn't sound like a fab nanny to be honest!

frAKKINPannikin Wed 08-Jul-09 19:52:21

Two queries:

1. Why are the children eating with you but not with the nanny? It could be larger portion sizes, it could be the balance of food on the plate, it could be any number of things which could be easily solved.

2. Why are you worried about upsetting your nanny when she's clearly upsetting you and your children?

I think your rules are your rules and need to be followed. Personally I do have the rule which means you don't finish, you don't get dessert but that's because my monkey has a really sweet tooth yet dawdles over his main course. We also have a timer which started at 1 hour but is now down to 30 minutes! Yes, you need to tackle it but, unless you've given a formal verbal warning before, not in writing. Formal verbal warning and trying to get to the root of the problem (again?) is probably the way to go.

oopsagain Wed 08-Jul-09 22:27:42

she has them 3 days a week after school.

I suppose I find it hard to do the confrontation. We have a good relationship otherwise.

The kids have alot of fn with her but i think it gets stressful around food.

Previously ds1 was gettign increasingly stressy and grumpy about handovers and both looking cross when i let them know it's her day.

I think i need to wirite down how i wnat it done and let her know how seriously i view it...

i thought it was sorted last time about 4 weeks ago- the kids were certainly happier with her recently. But tonight ds1 said she was upsetting him.

PixiNanny Wed 08-Jul-09 22:39:53

I must play devils advocate here, but maybe the kids are using it as an opportunity to play up? They obviously realise that you both do different things at dinner and all kids are prone to playing up with the child carer on occasion (I certainly know that the two I look after do!) and as it's nearing the end of the day they'd be getting grumpy and tired as well whereas when they have you with them they'd obviously be a bit happier.

Also, maybe they could talk to her and help prepare their food? I know that they are young but they are old enough to know when they don't like a situation and old enough to help contribute to the solution (in this case, helping make dinner, telling her how much they will eat and negotiating).

And then, as the others have said, maybe she feeds them more than you do and doesn't understand why they seem to eat everything with you and not her? Do you see any dinner times with the nanny? Maybe you could come home earlier one night if possible to watch it and see how it goes?

frAKKINPannikin Wed 08-Jul-09 22:47:27

Suggestion:

Instead of making platefuls could you not start putting food into serving dishes and allowing them to help themselves?

That way they can control what they eat and how much. Have ground rules like 'eat something from every dish' but if they're craving carbs then they can balance more effectively than if an adult dishes it up. I know sometimes I don't want to eat a huge mound of pasta or rice because I'm in a meat or a green veg mood!

oopsagain Wed 08-Jul-09 23:09:22

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atworknotworking Thu 09-Jul-09 07:49:56

Could you make up a snack pack or light tea and leave it for them, a salad, cold pasta, sandwiches etc, or something in portion sized tubs that nanny could re-heat, doing this for a few weeks might impress upon nanny the difference in your portion sizes, styles of feeding.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 09-Jul-09 09:22:55

if they are having a big cooked lunch at school then they might not be feeling that hungary at tea time and a more snacky but healthy type of tea might be better (ie humous and veg, jacket potato, pasta and roasted veg sauce)

you say the children help theirselves to food, and that "they usually eat what food they" want so sounds that they def have smaller portions with you then with your nanny

i would leave a few meals in your size portions and see if they eat them, but obv dont tell the children wink and see what they say/do

also as pixie nanny says children do play up,she has them a few hours 3 times a week,maybe they dont want you to work and are trying to make you feel guilty by being grumpy on her days

obv you want your children to be happy, so depending on what time you get home,maybe they can have some fruit, rice cakes when the nanny is there, and you serve tea? Tho this obv defeats having a nanny to look after your 2

atworknotworking Thu 09-Jul-09 09:26:36

Could you make up a snack pack or light tea and leave it for them, a salad, cold pasta, sandwiches etc, or something in portion sized tubs that nanny could re-heat, doing this for a few weeks might impress upon nanny the difference in your portion sizes, styles of feeding.

iMissEdith Thu 09-Jul-09 09:32:26

You are right and she is wrong, imo, wrt children and healthy eating/food habits.

Re: bribery - can you tell her not to give them dessert, but you'll do that when you get in from work? and would they last till you're home for their main meal if, for example, they had some toast and fruit when they got in from school?

But you do need to tell her again, tbh.

SusieDerkins Thu 09-Jul-09 09:32:37

Sounds like the portions are perhaps the issue. How about suggesting that she makes/gives them half of what she usually makes and see what happens. Mine are 4 and 3 and I find the smaller the portions I give them the better/more enthusiastically they eat. I always say they can have some more if they are still hungry. They only have titchy tummies after all.

You know what it's like when you go out to eat somewhere and a massive plate of food arrives - I just think "bleurgh" and it puts me right off.

Oligo Thu 09-Jul-09 14:06:54

The preprepared portion size seems like a great idea. It might take time for things to change though and for children to report a positive change, as from what you say they are probably all expecting a confrontation by now and ?get a nice chat with you when they tell you about it?.

Nanny probably should look at her own motivations in this, as doesn't sound too professional- like she knows what to do but gets as caught up with the issue as the children. However, probably wouldn't go accusing her of these things though you could give an example of 'a friend' who does does similar thing.

DadInsteadofMum Thu 09-Jul-09 15:17:49

SOrry to sound harsh, but if you have explicitly told her three times and she is not doing it then that is misconduct and warrents a written warning. If her actions are making the kids hate her then is she really that fab?

oopsagain Sat 11-Jul-09 09:08:56

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Blondeshavemorefun Sat 11-Jul-09 11:31:57

"The last two nannies we have had weren't able to cook so i was leaving stuff every day and it gets bloody weraing"

OMG what professional nanny cant cook or even follow a simple recipe in a book for fish pie etc hmm

oopsagain Sun 12-Jul-09 21:48:10

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PixiNanny Sun 12-Jul-09 23:04:03

What is it with people 'not being able to cook veggie'? At least, that is their excuse but it's a lame one. It's not that difficult :/ I can get used to cooking meat so they can get used to cooking veg stuff, half of what people ake is probs veg anyways, they just add meat to it somewhere *rolls eyes*

CarGirl Sun 12-Jul-09 23:08:16

Perhaps you can say nannie is not to give desserts anymore, fruit only. That way she has no pressure to put on them to eat more of x y z.

oopsagain Sun 12-Jul-09 23:18:21

good one cargirl
that's a good idea
thanks

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