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Is this reasonable?

(29 Posts)
totallypotty Mon 06-Jul-09 13:38:45

Hi there,

I've been using a certain CM for just over two years now for my two boys of 6 and 2. Just wondered - if you have a day off work, still drop the kids off and use the time to get some stuff done - can the CM object?

The reason I ask is a while back I did such a thing because there were few things that needed doing around the soon as the CM found out I was at home (she lives really close by) she phoned me, gave me a thorough dressing down and demanded I pick the kids up immediatley! OK, maybe I should have told her I was at home that day for emergency contact purposes, I realise I was in the wrong there - but surely it's none of her business what I do when she's got the kids! (Now, in case you're wondering I don't do the day off thing very often). Am I being unreasonable? Please don't shout at me (too loud)! blush

andiem Mon 06-Jul-09 13:40:39

no yanbu you are paying her to look after your children
what you do when she is doing that is entirely your business
if my cm had done that to me I would have found another one

CarGirl Mon 06-Jul-09 13:41:30

Eh!!! You book your CM to have your children it is irrelevant what you are doing with your time!

With my youngest my dd goes to the CM one short day per week and shock horror I don't work very often at all.

SusieDerkins Mon 06-Jul-09 13:42:55

YANBU at all. It's none of her business what you do on a day off. You could sit on a sun lounger in your back garden eating chocolate all day if you wanted too. Nothing to do with her at all.

Agree with andiem.

Kitsilano Mon 06-Jul-09 13:43:07

Outrageous behaviour on the part of your childminder. It makes no difference to her whatsoever. Did she stille expect you to pay her for that day after she had refused to look after your kids?

stillstanding Mon 06-Jul-09 13:43:23

This makes no sense. Surely you pay her to look after your children for x days a week. Where you are for those days is entirely irrelevant to her.

bran Mon 06-Jul-09 13:43:48

It's none of her business IMO. Did you go and pick them up (just curious)? If you did pick them up then perhaps you could claim back her fee for the time that she was refusing to look after them as she was making herself unavailable.

You were entirely in the right, you pay her to provide a service and it shouldn't make any difference to her what you do with the time she is minding your kids.

FruitynNutty Mon 06-Jul-09 13:45:26

Oh. My. God! I am a CM and she's giving us a bad name angry
Of course you can have a day off work without children. She's being paid by you. I think it's great if a parent wants to take the day off work. If I'm lucky, the child might be picked up earlier but I wouldn't expect it to happen and I certainly wouldn't expect the parent to have the children at home! What a strange CM you have hmm

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 06-Jul-09 13:47:34

what a cheeky bint!!

the cm not you

you pay her to have your children and REGARDLESS if you are at work, shopping shagging your dh wink (one mum does book me in for this) it is none of her business what you do while you pay her to have them

HighOnDieselAndGasoline Mon 06-Jul-09 13:47:55

Of course it's reasonable. None of your CMs business whether you were at work, working at home, cleaning the loo, or having a shag!

She was completely out of line. Presumably you have a mobile she could have contacted you on in an emergency - and even if not, still not cause for a 'dressing down'.

HighOnDieselAndGasoline Mon 06-Jul-09 13:48:36

x-posts with blondes - great minds think alike!

Julesnobrain Mon 06-Jul-09 13:49:05

Completely and totally bonkers... the CM not you. I would get a new one asap. I work from home sometimes and my children are in nursery... during working hours I do house jobs like put the washing on wink I would no more expect the nursery manager to demand I collect the kids then fly to the moon... what a loon... I hope you didn't pay her

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 06-Jul-09 13:53:22

great minds smile

i hope you didnt pick them up, but if you did, then you didnt pay her for the time YOU had them!!

BrieVanDerKamp Mon 06-Jul-09 13:57:34

I'm am also a cm, she's totally out of line.

We care for the kids whether aprents are at work or not.

Some mums do actually take a cm on when they're not working, you pay for the service so it's there for you to use as and when you wish

PuppyMonkey Mon 06-Jul-09 13:58:13

YANBU. I bet she charges you whether you drop your kids off or not.

totallypotty Mon 06-Jul-09 15:59:42

Thanks for your support, everyone - to my 1st post, too!

Yes, I did feel she was a little out of order, but I wasn't sure whether I was breaking some sort of 'childcare ettiquette' by what I was doing, so I'm afraid I did go and pick the boys up! I suppose I like a quiet life too much! It was puzzling because I don't remember the CM I used before DS2 was born being like that.

Anyway, don't get me wrong, the current CM is very good with the kids and she seems to take what she does very seriously. However I've been having an increasing sense of getting a raw deal as she also take frequent (paid) sickies. DH was looking after them while she was off sick one week and went to pick up DS1 from his school. He chatted to two other CMs that we know at the gates and remarked in passing that CM was off ill. The two ladies looked at each other and rolled their eyes.....

Oh and sh*gging DH? I wish I had the energy...

Laquitar Mon 06-Jul-09 16:01:26

How odd!You don't have to explain how you spend your day off.

Don't you have a mobile phone that she can contact you?

My guess is that maybe she was a nanny before (therefore employed)so she is used to have paid day off when parents are off work. But even in nannying you must not expect it or demand it, it is like an extra bonus.

girlsyearapart Mon 06-Jul-09 16:15:44

yeah agree. YANBU. SusieD that sounds like a very worthy way to spend a day off must try it sometime!!

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-09 16:43:38

I agree with those who say your CM is bonkers. Sure you can leave your children with the CM even if you are not working.

Paid sickies - a CM is self employed, they don't usually get sick pay. However every childminder will do their contract differently, so what you agreed to will have been set out from the start. Worth checking your contract to see what you have agreed.

limonchik Mon 06-Jul-09 16:44:07

I'm a nanny and have rarely (if ever) had a paid day off when parents are off work Laquitar! Normally they want the opportunity to get things done without the children. A late start or early finish certainly, but not a whole day off.

totallypotty Mon 06-Jul-09 16:49:44

And just one more thing (sorry to be a nuisance)

is it normal practice for a CM to get paid a higher rate during the school holidays - and get paid this regardless of whether the kids go to her or not??

As you've probably gathered, I have 'mug' stamped on my forehead!

limonchik Mon 06-Jul-09 16:58:59

Doesn't sound like "normal practice", but then a CM is self-employed and running her own business, so she can set her charges however she likes and it's up to her clients whether or not they agree to them.

nannynick Mon 06-Jul-09 17:02:51

I would not say that a higher pay rate would normally apply during school holidays. The same pay rate, certainly... but higher!

I feel it would be usual to pay per-childcare-place regardless of if you use that place of not, especially if the children are under 5.

It's down to the contract agreed... if it's in the contract which you signed, nothing you can do about it - apart from renegotiate the contract, or change childminder.

JenniPenni Mon 06-Jul-09 17:07:21

Oh goondess I cannot believe some people are like this! It is absolutely NO BUSINESS of the CM's what you are/aren't doing whilst your children are in her care. I wouldn't dream of asking... I am being paid to look after the children and that is that.

And PAID sick days??? Hmmm... hmm

Dysgu Mon 06-Jul-09 17:32:22

DD1 has continued to go to CM two days per week throughout the entire 6.5 months I have had off on maternity leave with DD2.

Cm lives down the road from me and knows that, when she has DD1, I am hanging out with DD2 - or perhaps have dropped DD2 with my mum so I can go have lunch with colleagues!

DD1 usually doesn't do during school holidays (I am a teacher) but has been since I started ML - why not - she likes being there!

As for care during holidays - I tend to have DDs home with me so I pay 25% retainer. Having said that, DD2 is starting half way through August to give me a couple of (short) days to get ready to return to work. If I were to send them during holidays then rate of pay is exactly the same as every other day.

As for sick pay - if DD is ill then I pay full price as CM is available but I can't use her. If CM (or her children) are ill, then I pay nothing as she is not available to care for my child(ren).

My CM is great - I would look at finding a new one if I were in your position OP.

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