Need to rant, and also need to be cheered up...(19 Posts)
I'm a cm but I have namechanged, dont worry while I'm typing my mindees are having a nap !
I'm really fed up. I work full time, 7.45 to 6. My house is small and we have a lot in it..It gets untidy and dirty very quickly, I do my best to maintain it..We do not have a dishwasher as no space for it not even for a small one. DH rarely does the dishes and have to ask him and he makes it sound like a favour when he does it..so as often I don't have the strenght of doing it in the evening because I have other stuff to do like eyfs paperwork, I wake up to a dirty kitchen and I have to clean up before my mindees arrive. I'm fed up of that, wish DH could help more and I asked him. I was supposed to childmind 3 days a week but cant because DH doesnt earn enough money, he promised me for ages, he' ll lookf for a new job or do some training to specialise a bit more..Nothing is done..This summer, he is taking our children to my parents in spain as I cant afford not to work..and I'm sad but hey the dc need an holiday ! I fed up of all these mums who sees me struggling with a triple buggy and telling me that they couldnt do what I do, yes that helps ! Well they can afford to be at home full timer and I can't even be part time, so I guess yes I'm jealous.I'm just feeling down and lonely at the moment...Please do not kick my bum too much by telling me to get a grip !
Why not wash up as you go along?
Seems your DH needs to get a grip, maybe point out that the plan was for you do work 3 days a week and he needs to do his bit?
If Dh is around more than you should divide the tasks up.
we all have days like this, don't be so hard on yourself, take a breath, do what you can when you can and just keep thinking you're a good mum doing what you can for your family, but you do need a bit of time to set aside just for you! I would chat to DH and set up a shared rota for care of the family home which is not part of your job, you both work you should both do housework!
Matnan - I do wash up as you go along, I LOVE the sight of a clean kitchen after used but the evening I just want to do something else. I love cooking our meal, it's a way of cooling down for me after a busy day ! I ask DH to do the dishes after dinner but sometimes I forget, oh what a mistake :-(
He knows he needs to do his bit but he forgets, that's his excuse !
Katy - Yes I'm feeling down, what am I ? A cleaner, a full time mother, a full time childminder...We did the shared rota, but it never last so we end up with a massive argument..plus I have Ofsted coming soon and I'm really stressed about it and I tell him about what it does imply..but everytime I bring it up he says, what do you have to do ?? I fucking told him thousands time..Yes I'm definitely low today !
Thank you ladies for your kind posts !
poor poor you
wish you could have the time off work during the summer to go to spain sounds like you need it.
the fruit and veg guy that i go to said the other day that i bet i loved my job as it gave me a bit of extra pocket money POCKET MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wish it was
Sounds like DH needs a wake up call, this is your career which is needed for the security future and well being of your family, he needs to recognise this and when he finishes his job then he needs to be working to share the rest of the work so that you finish the day together and in good spirits for a little you and him time.
dmo - if I take the time off, I will lose too much money so I'll do something when one of the parents is off !
If I'm with the triple buggy it's worst, How does she do it ? Look she needs to bend when she pushes the buggy.
All the mums at my dd's school are stay at home mother,sometimes I can't help feeling a bit envious..dont get me wrong I love the children that I'm looking after...it's just that sometimes I wish it was just me and the dcs..we used to have a lovely time when it was just the 3 of us..and now I don't have much time for them, I mean not one on one time. But yes it could be worst, I could be working outside the house and not seeing them all day, so I'll stop complaining now !
Katy - I'm going to kick his ass - again - and hope for the best !!
just this chat put a smile back on my face ! Thank you !
I know how you feel. Every time I take time off, I work out how much money I have lost. DH doesn't want to know that CM goes on in the house, so I feel really bad if we have dashed off out to an activity in the evening and the kitchen isn't up to scratch. Don't get me wrong ... he loves the kids I mind, but he also loves his house and likes to come in from a hard day at work and relax, not look at toys. I do find the work a real hard slog sometimes, but I also really enjoy it - I blame Ofsted for the slog and the kids for the fun . Try and have a look at what you do and see what you can cut (workwise, not with your family). Do you care if you get satisfactory, or outstanding from Ofsted? Well of course you do - but you care about your family more. (and tell your DH to pull his socks up)
god, some of this sounds so familiar
i got so sick of cming then doing all the hpouse hold stuff, i made laminated list of everything that needs to be done, daily and weekly and it sits on our fridge.
my dh didnt realise how much cleaning i was doing (i think he thought the house magicly kept itself tidy!) anyway now instead of me asking him to do certain jobs, when i ask for more suppore or help keeping the house tidy he will do a couple of jobs, for me.
it still annoys me that i have to ask him to do jobs, and that he does jobs for me but hey, no one is perfect!
wrt no holiday, i know it doesnt solve it this time, but can you negotiate with the next family that comes along, holiday pay, i know some cm's dont like it, and i know that its hard to do when other cm in the area dont do it, but it will mean that when you take holiday off in the future at least one family will be paying you?
it is MUCH harder working from home than I thought it would be. CMinStrike, my house is also very small and it is constantly messy. I work 5 days a week and so does DH so I have a cleaner for 2 hours on a Friday, but by Wed (TODAY!!) the house is a tip again.
I don't have any advice, just understanding. My DH does help a bit around the house but not as much as I believe he should. He tends to leave things to me to do because it is "my mess" according to him - mess from my childminding. Never mind that I work to keep our house afloat and not for pocket money (dmo - for you at that ridiculouse comment that the F&V man made)
anyway, i have a very rare afternoon off so I will be sorting and cleaning a bit, except it is so hot, all i want to do is lie down on the cool kitchen floor, preferably naked!!
hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.
Have to say I have a fab DP who mucks in all the time . I find it's the bloody teenage daughters who don't give a stuff. Just cos mam's at home all day, they think I have time to mind, wash, cook, clean and then shove the broom up my ass and wash the floors - all for the pittance pocketmoney way less than minimum wage that I earn at the moment.
Their answer to putting away the ironing is throwing it on the bedroom floors for a few days then putting it back in the washbasket . Except they haven't got the sense to 'crumple it up' before they do that .
We all have days where we wonder what the hell we are doing and why we bother - sympathise totally OP. Us girlies are hear to listen.......we've all been there
My mum still thinks I am just babysitting and drink tea/coffee all day - I wish
Oh, I hope you have strong words with him as he seems to need to get his grip together, especialy as he's taking the girls on holiday! I can't help but think that why is he the one going? Why can't he work that week and you take them?
underpaidandoverworked: Don't do their washing or ironing anymore, they'll soon learn! My Mum stopped doing mine and my sisters for a few weeks after I started putting my washing and dirty plates at the top of the stairs for her to take down lol
Now only a few years later I'm feeling exactly as my Mum did cleaning up after my charges, one who is 12 and seems to think he is 16 and loves leaving his newly washed clothes on the floor... He also slept on his duvet for the whole week last week because I forgot to put the bottom sheet on his bed. His Mum put it at the end of his bed for him to do himself (everything else was made up!) yet he just ignored it *rolls eyes*
I'm only 20 and I feel like a Mum already!
poor you, sorry but think your dh needs a massive kick up the goolies, arse would be too kind... why is he going to Spain and not you.. if its to your parents could you go for christmas.. assume the accommodation is free so u just need the flights for you and the kids..
As for the fruit and veg man.. w..ker...
I had a mum at school see me today with 3 littlies and after schooler and she condisendingly told me i was so good!!! I did point out that i worked for money actually... silly silly cow..
you strap a pair on girl and make him do more or threaten to give up cming..
Could you do a list of absolutely EVERYTHING that needs to be done at home and for the ofsted inspection ans sit him down and say "righto matey this is what needs to be done so which half are you doing" <dreams>
Tis the same with sole charge nannying, most parents say they find the weekend hard but do very little and then expect 200 times more to be done in the week by us.
Hope you can get the balance at home so your not so tired mentally and physically.
Just a thought How old are your children.
Im in a similar position. My partner is not lazy he just works 6 days a weeks so is not here very much.
My 2 DS are 10 and 11. They have chores to do. They always tidy their rooms, clean the kitchen/do dishes etc after our evening meal, walk the dog twice a day and at weekends vacuum my 3 story house top to bottom. In return they get extra pocket money and I get much needed help.
Perhaps your children could muck in a bit more. (Depending on age).
Well we had a -argument- chat yesterday but we both spent the evening cleaning/tidying up and it makes such a difference ! It's the best start to a day for me and I hope this time he really get it. He's not a bad man but sometimes lack of common sense ! I told him I was fed up that we can't carry on like that. Something which worries me is that I think I ressent him a bit because I have to work 5 days when we agreed it will be only 3. My dds are 5 and 2 so they still a bit of time with their mum but I can't .
Reg the ofsted inspection, my family is more important than this but it will hurt if I only get a satisfactory like all of you I work hard and I want a bit of recognition.
Thank you for all your post, I feel understood !!!
bit late to this thread but wanted to say I understand how you feel. When Ofsted have been could you maybe cut the EYFS paperwork down to minimum? I know, it's not good but since my ofsted is over and done with and not due for another 2.5 years I have cut back what I do. I still do enough but only what is really necessary. I have a to do list but nothing on it is urgent enough to loose out on precious time with my own family.
I really hope that you manage to cut down your days soon as I can understand how you feel you are doing more than you intended to. I started off cm only 3.5 days a week and it crept up to 5 days and for me and my family it was too much. My dh works long hours too so couldn't help as much as he would like. Anyway we made the decision to drop one day a week and it has made soooo much difference. Knowing i have every wednesday off, so just me and my own dcs means I can keep on top of the house better and can book apointments and have a bit of specail time with them.
Hope things look up for you soon. Looking after children is the most fun and rewarding job I have ever had but boy is it hard work sometimes too.
Your DH needs a kick up the bum Chilminderinstrike, and you'll feel much better after your OFSTED inspection, even feel like you can let your hair down a little bit xxx
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