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New Aupair or keep currant fantastic one,what would you do?

(19 Posts)
Totallyfloaty35 Sat 20-Jun-09 19:09:41

Bit complicated so sorry if i confuse anyone.
A while back i fired very scary NZ aupair and advertised on Aupair world for a summer(ish) girl to work May-sept.No one seemed to be able to start til end of June and i got a bit frantic an accepted a girl to come from july 9th to mid sept.I kept my profile up and a 2wks later a girl applied who could do end of May til Sept(dates i wanted originally) i booked her to come til July though as already had other girl from then.Thing is this girl is great.My dds really like her,DD3 adores her as she spends hours playing with her,she is also really good at the housework stuff,she is nice to talk to and as she looks and acts like Cameron Diaz has no shortage of social life so i dont have to entertain her every weekend. We did have a little blip at the beginning where she wasnt getting up on time(turned out she had wrong time set on her clock).
But do i get her to stay til Sept or do i take my chances and hope the next girl is just as Fab(next girl has been aupair 3 times before,has fab references and seems lovely on the phone) Im very worried about it,NZ girl was dreadful and dont want another dud,i guess its fear of the unknown.Also next girl has got her ticket already.
Any advice please,sorry for long post.

limonchik Sat 20-Jun-09 19:24:16

Morally, I think you know it would be wrong to dump the girl you've promised a job to.

Millarkie Sat 20-Jun-09 19:37:06

Oh that's hard. I would be so tempted to ask your Cameron Diaz-alike to stay but to refund the air fare to the one that you let down unless you can fix her up with a family (do you know anyone looking for an AP?) Can you put an ad on gumtree for her and try to help her find another family? How many weeks before she is due to come over? I'm probably biased having spent the last few months biting my tongue with a 'bad-fit' AP.
What are your current APs plans, is she expecting to go home in July or is she looking for another host family anyway?

Summersoon Sat 20-Jun-09 19:39:15

I agree with limonchick - but I do see the temptation if your current au-pair gets on well with your children. The only way out of this would be to pay the girl you have offered a job to a significant sum of money in lieu, on top of reimbursing her for the ticket (whether or not she ends up using it anyway).
Have you discussed the possibility of her staying on with the current girl - it is possible that she has other plans?
If you do go with the girl you promised the position to, it seems to me that the downside isn't huge, as it would only be for just over 2 months.

Millarkie Sat 20-Jun-09 19:46:53

But it's not just the fact that it's two months is it? It's the fact that you have to settle in and train (because au pairs need a lot of guidance in the first few weeks) a new AP when you know there was someone else up and running who could have taken you through those months with no extra effort.
That and the fact that however good APs seem on paper, finding one who can do their duties and is great to live with is a big gamble.
So I can see the temptation and I have every sympathy.

evuscha Sat 20-Jun-09 19:48:35

I am an ex AP and I agree with Millarkie, if I were you, I´d be tempted to keep the current one you are happy with and to help the new one find a family (actually that´s what I did when I was looking for a host family and had the final choice of 2, I helped the other one to find an AP instead of me) - although with her arrival just 2 weeks from now and staying just for the summer it might be hard. And certainly as an AP I would be very upset if the family turned me down in the last minute But I do understand how hard it is to find a good match and how lucky you how been with this one.

Totallyfloaty35 Sat 20-Jun-09 19:58:56

I know,i feel awful at the thought of turning this other girl down,she did keep her profile active for ages and at one point i thought she was not going to come and had been talking to other families,so i was just about to suggest she might prefer another family when she emailed her ticket dates and phoned mesad.
Cameronwink would be happy to stay on,she has lots of mates here and starts uni in this country in mid Sept,but she does understand that i booked the other girl first.Oh i dont know what to do,2 months is a long time if you dont click with someone,but she could also be great too.

limonchik Sat 20-Jun-09 20:10:37

I can see why you'd be tempted too, but I think the guilt would get to me. If you do dump her then you need to at least refund her ticket.

hedgiemum Sat 20-Jun-09 23:23:57

I think your FIRST responsibility is to your children; as your current au pair is great then surely keeping her on is best for them?

A lot of people would cancel the other au pair without a moments thought, you are clearly a person of integrity. There must be something you can do for her (airfair etc..) to make it up to her in someway...?

evuscha Sun 21-Jun-09 08:50:27

Surely the children will be upset when the current one leaves, and even worse if the new one is not so good.
But I think you should tell the new one about your situation asap (+refund ticket, offer to help etc), so that she has enough time to organize other arrangements.
It is not completely impossible to find a family for summer (especially with good references and being an AP before) - one summer I found mine in the last minute (i.e. going to them within a week after we first spoke), there are plenty of ads at gumtree (some of them actually prefer someone starting asap), aupairworld and it´s surely not the end of the world for her ;) Good luck!

Summersoon Sun 21-Jun-09 10:36:02

But see today's "My host family have cancelled!!" post for an AP's point of view.

I think you may well want to stick with your current AP for all the reasons you and others have outlined but I do think that you need to pay her in lieu!

catepilarr Sun 21-Jun-09 12:32:31

i think this is not a situation where you should put others first. i know it is hard to tell the new girl your circumstances changed. i guess she knew she is not covering the whole time you need help so this situation was kind of predictable. if you offer to help and pay for rebooking the ticket then you dont need to feel guilty. it may be a big /second/ time for her in the uk and will upset her but i am sure she can find another family. i checked gumtree the other day and there are summer jobs. the nearer the holidays the more realise they need help and often asap.

catepilarr Sun 21-Jun-09 12:35:29

plus you can keeep in touch for next year's holiday, if she is interested. that would save her the job hunt next year.

catepilarr Sun 21-Jun-09 12:42:53

ok, not second but forth time. was it always in the uk? if so, then she must be experienced with the job hunt and knows where to look etc. would be different if it was someone's 'first and only' ap experience.

AtheneNoctua Sun 21-Jun-09 15:00:14

I would say keep the current girl if you could give the other one resonable notice of a change of plans. But, if I understand correctly, she is due to start 9th July. And I'm afraid I think that is unreasonably short notice for someone who is coming from literally the other side of the world and her ability to come here obviously is dependant on being able to live/work in your house.

If you could give her a couple months notice (one month to find another job, one month to get affairs in order for that job) then I think you could reasonably back out. But, now it would be only 2-3 weeks notice. Seems unfair.

catepilarr Sun 21-Jun-09 15:31:11

she is not coming from the other side of the world, is she?

Totallyfloaty35 Sun 21-Jun-09 21:32:57

She is Polish,im aware i have to decide quickly and of course i would refund her ticket if i did not go with her.However the thought of doing that to her makes me feel super guilty,but my dds are begging me to keep current girl.

DadInsteadofMum Sun 21-Jun-09 21:58:06

Would you put a stranger ahead of your kids?

Brutal decision but that is the question I would be asking myself

Can you employee incoming AP for a week or two while she finds a new family? She wouldn't be out of pocket or have to change her dates. (and having just been through overlap week between new and old AP having two around makes life really easy!)

Squiffy Sun 21-Jun-09 22:05:05

You have my complete sympathy as I know how much of a pain it is to train up new AP's and how you never know how it will work out.

But, TBH, I morally couldn't cancel the other girl at such short notice. This year there are so many more people trying to find work as AP's (especially the Spanish - the market there is so pear-shaped that it seems half the University population is trying to come over here), I think your Polish girl will struggle to get something else at this late stage.

You could of course phone the Polish girl and ask her outright if she had any other offers which she might be able to take up, and explain that your current AP wants to stay on. you never know, she might be able to make other plans so everyone would be happy. If not though I think you would need to honour your offer.

Anyway, I will watch this thread; my new AP arrives Tuesday and you never know how it will turn out.....I will let you know if I need an urgent replacement!!!!

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