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DS really reluctant to go to CM today

(6 Posts)
FairMidden Thu 04-Jun-09 13:04:24

He goes two consecutive days a week, and has started back after she was away on holiday for a while. He went last week, wasn't happy to be left but settled quickly. This week when we said he was going to X's house he said "No, no like it" and seemed really miserable about it. This subject came up a couple of times during breakfast and even when we reminded him about her pets and the other kids (both of which he's been enthusiastic about until now) he wasn't happy. I had to carry him there (normally he walks happily) and he was saying "No like it" and "X's house" while shaking his head and he was really crying for me when I left him.

It's difficult because he seems to like her, and was quite settled (although he'd only been going a few weeks before she went on this holiday), and while she was away he was asking about going to her house. He comes home very overtired but he sleeps less there than when at home.

He's only 22 months and while I don't want to jump the gun, and they need a fair chance to gel together, I can't bear the thought of him being so unhappy about going. Maybe he's just realised that every time we go, I will be leaving him. He is very clingy since starting back there.

Any thoughts/reassurances?

She is only just back from a while away on holiday you say? Well for a 22mo, that's a long time apart and he'll be having to settle in all over again, so yes in that respect I think you are jumping the gun.

atworknotworking Thu 04-Jun-09 13:34:03

I often find particually with this age group that changes in routine do have an effect little one's feel reassured if they do the same things week in week out. I wouls put your DS reluctance down to missing some sessions whilst his minder was on holiday, as you say he seemed settled before. Give him a couple of weeks to get back into routine and see how he is then.

Get some feedback from your CM too, see how he was after you left and have a look through his day book to see what he has been doing and his general wellbeing since he started. It's great that you talk to DS about what he does and where he is going as this will help him prepare for the day ahead, it is hard leaving your child when they are crying (been there) but you are doing the right thing by just going. See how he fares over the next few sessions.

FairMidden Thu 04-Jun-09 21:26:55


I think the main thing that I am uncomfortable about is that until now, he's been totally happy with going to the CM's house, being with her, playing there etc - the only thing he was negative about was when I left. And now all of a sudden he's really unhappy about having to even go there.

I have a long weekend to spend with him now though, hopefully next week he'll have forgotten

Oligo Fri 05-Jun-09 12:48:48

other ideas:
make sure you are not conveying your own anxiety e.g. repeatedly bringing it up like there might be an option of not going (at least for a while) or enthusiastically like you are trying to reassure yourself that it's good fun.

The most fun he will have there will be his own experience over time. His interests will change and things like other children, diff. environ can be a bit scary after a break and you can tell/show him you understand this. Maybe you could let him take a friendly teddy/small toy of choice with him.

looneytune Fri 05-Jun-09 15:36:01

Totally agree. Also, sometimes children are fine for several weeks and then it suddenly kicks in that they are always going to go and be left and that's when it can start. I really would give it more time before worrying and yes, children are very good at sensing parents worries etc. so TRY and be like normal and see what happens.

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