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I am not sure about my CM because:

(31 Posts)
SE22 Tue 02-Jun-09 18:07:31

We have just started and my 10 mth old DS has been quite upset and the CM has been pretty negative. His first full day, on Monday, went ok but she told me she had been dreading it on Sunday (I didn't really want to hear that). She said it went badly today - intermitent tears and no smiles, eating lunch on her lap and she told my mum that she thought he was used to a lot of attention - which he is but he will play quite happily. There are no positive suggestions - just moans about his behaviour.
Also, the tv is on after lunch and was on at 3.30pm today and on at 4.30pm yesterday... The policy says two hours a day.
My gut instinct is telling me that I need to find another childminder as she doesn't seem to have much positive to say about him.
Also, it has only been three settling in sessions and two days so of course he is unsettled and it will get better but she doesn't say anything like that.
Am I being neurotic?
Thank you!

EffiePerine Tue 02-Jun-09 18:08:40

if you're not happy, try someone else

andiem Tue 02-Jun-09 18:08:56

no I don't think you are being neurotic it is her job to help him settle not moan about him
I would be looking for someone else too if it was me

BoysAreLikeDogs Tue 02-Jun-09 18:16:03

Find someone else

A good cm will have strategies for settling in a child and will not undermine your parenting style or pass judgement on you

Try again

EvaLongoria Tue 02-Jun-09 18:22:48

I second it try someone else, She is a childminder and should be positive about your baby, not moan.

I am registered as well and treat all babies or kids the way I would love for my daughter to be treated if I ended up sending her to childminder.

SE22 Tue 02-Jun-09 18:37:02

hmmm. just as I thought. Thanks to everyone!

atworknotworking Tue 02-Jun-09 19:07:13

I can't believe that her policy is for 2 hours tv a day shock I doubt the mindees we have watch as much as that in a term! not that I disagree with tv it has it's place, but I don't think it should be used as an alternative to care and attention and especially not for a young baby of 10months. All CM's have a bad day from time to time but being negative before your DC has even started is a bit hmm has she been minding long?, perhaps she doesn't have a lot of experience. Most CM's would spend time getting to know your baby and reading up on the routine info you provided before the start date and making sure they have activities planned that you as a parent know your child enjoys, I would talk to your CM about tv, what the daily routine is and make your decision fairly quickly so as not to unsettle your baby any further.

atworknotworking Tue 02-Jun-09 19:09:10

I can't believe that her policy is for 2 hours tv a day shock I doubt the mindees we have watch as much as that in a term! not that I disagree with tv it has it's place, but I don't think it should be used as an alternative to care and attention and especially not for a young baby of 10months. All CM's have a bad day from time to time but being negative before your DC has even started is a bit hmm has she been minding long?, perhaps she doesn't have a lot of experience. Most CM's would spend time getting to know your baby and reading up on the routine info you provided before the start date and making sure they have activities planned that you as a parent know your child enjoys, I would talk to your CM about tv, what the daily routine is and make your decision fairly quickly so as not to unsettle your baby any further.

LittlePaws Tue 02-Jun-09 19:09:34

If you don't feel comfortable with your little one being with this childminder then you should find someone else.

Good luck

theDreadPirateRoberts Tue 02-Jun-09 19:10:01

I'm building a mental picture of a CM who's in it for easy money (hah!), rather than because she wants to take an active part in children's lives. Think the alarm bells are ringing for a reason...

Not a CM myself, but had a brilliant one and wouldn't settle for anything less. Best of luck.

SE22 Tue 02-Jun-09 19:15:27

atworknotworking - she has 20 years' of experience and recommended by great friend of mine.
It does feel like she is in it for the money -charging me £13.50 for a further two hours on Friday which I suggested as an additional settling in session.

Numberfour Tue 02-Jun-09 19:20:26

if it does not feel right, then change.
better to do so quickly for the sake of your LO

Supernanny19 Tue 02-Jun-09 19:30:15

Why not get a nanny SE22? Might help your son adjust to someone else aswel as being in his house that he is familiar with? Just a thought

thebody Tue 02-Jun-09 19:48:42

cant get over the 2 hours of television a day.. ridiculous.. some children are harder to settle with me than others but thats my job.. she sounds really lasy. go elsewhare..

Northernlurker Tue 02-Jun-09 20:06:04

She sounds awful! Have you looked at anywhere else - or a nursery? I know there are lots of people who will throw up their hands in horror at a baby at nursery but I've had three children in them and have never had a bad experience - having picked carefully of course!

willowthewispa Tue 02-Jun-09 20:11:28

I would love to have two hours off everyday while my charge watches telly, would feel too guilty though!

FatSuma Tue 02-Jun-09 20:14:49

agree she sounds dreadful. ds has been to 2 CMs in the 2 different places we lived. they were kind, positive, reassuring and took as long as it was needed to settle him in. he has been so happy in both his places.

what you're writing makes me feel sorry for your ds, particularly about the CM saying she thinks he's used to attention - ffs so he should be at 10mo, does she expect him to sit by himself all day and not bother her?

Please speak to your CM asap or find somewhere new for your little one. the tv policy is not good either.

ChippingIn Tue 02-Jun-09 23:41:02

What a horrible attitude she has, I wouldn't be leaving any children with her!! She was 'dreading it'? What a bizare thing to even think, let alone say to a Mum about her baby. Babies are lovely and if she doesn't think so, she shouldn't be minding them!

As for her TV policy, I wouldn't be leaving a child of any age with a CM whose policy is 2 hours (even if that's just the max guideline) per day, no way. Lo's around here are very 'lucky' if they see that much (at home) in a fortnight. (Don't want to start an arguement about TV though - each to their own!!)

PixiNanny Tue 02-Jun-09 23:46:30

Wow, 2 hours at £13, you'd be better off hiring a nanny at that rate!

elkiedee Tue 02-Jun-09 23:50:59

I don't like the sound of that at all. My CM is brilliant - the TV may be on too much but I think DS1 actually is the one who turns it on, and his addiction to CBeebies is probably dp's fault! She takes him out lots as well. And I know from the way he watches TV at home that it's not an alternative to giving him attention, he will demand that as well.

While my CM clearly needs to earn a living, I think she's also taken up childminding because she's had her kids (5 of them), youngest is now 8 and she seems to really like having little ones around. DS1 started there at 10 months and he has been known not to want to leave.

isittooearlyforgin Wed 03-Jun-09 00:04:14

think it would be best to change now as at 10 months your child is less likely to feel a move to new cm than later on. my cm is fabulous and would never put down my child's behaviour (even when she has been a little ...pickle) you are paying your cm (very well) for childminding not for plonking infront of the telly. good luck - lots of lovely cm out there - its just a case of finding the right one for you

Dysgu Wed 03-Jun-09 00:13:48

DD1 started with CM aged 7 months and absolutely loves it. I would not be leaving her there if I was not comfortable about the care and attention she was given.

Yes, the TV is on sometimes but I do think the children switch it on. My DD tends to watch TV and do something else at the same time - here and there.

They do playgroups, parks, beach trips and so many other fun things that DD still goes twice a week even though I am on ML right now.

Looking forward - in a relative 'going back to work/leaving the baby' way - to DD2 starting there at the end of the summer. She already cuddles CM sometimes when we drop DD1 off int he morning and the other mindees are looking forward to having a baby around too.

I know CM's have to earn their money but mine works very hard and earns every penny we owe her (even though we will be paying huge amounts when i go back to work I would rather have her look after my DC than get a Nanny, which could work out cheaper!)

If you are not happy then I would move your DS somewhere that he enjoys going to and where they enjoy having him, even if he does need extra attention at times - don't they all and isn;t that what you are paying for?

Dysgu Wed 03-Jun-09 00:15:15

I mean 'pay' not owe - we are excellent at paying her! Oops!

atigercametotea Wed 03-Jun-09 00:22:48

just thought I'd say that I do not charge anything for settling in sessions and have as many as the parent feels necessary until they and the child are comfortable.
I also ask parents to complete a VERY detailed registration form about their child.

I would probably expect a new child to be upset and out of sorts because they are leaving their mum and going to stay with a stranger for a day or several hours. I certainly wouldn't MOAN about this.
I would say he/she was adjusting well and then go on to more positives.

Some people have lost sight of why they are a childminder.

leo69 Wed 03-Jun-09 08:41:02

As a childminder, even I would say look for someone else. Where do you live? you might find a replacement on this site ;)

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