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ive fallen out with my childminder

(100 Posts)
nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:01:39

i told her last week that we are moving house (80 miles away!) and she was miffed, because (isnt it bloody obvious?) i am stopping taking dd's to her 2 days a week.

i gave her enough notice, still paid her her due holidays, and she just went in the huff. we had a row this morning (i was very tired because ive just come off nightshift) because she told me because i am stopping taking dd's, she has had to cancel her family holiday to spain!

she has made me feel responsible for the whole holiday thing.

she also went on to say her husband has been made redundant. i said i was very sorry to hear that, she just laughed. of course i am sorry, i thought we were friends to be honest.

it IS a shame about the holiday, but what can i do?

i ended up telling her i wont be bringing dd's again. ill just have to work weekends so dh can look after them

how crap is this

beansprout Thu 28-Apr-05 09:09:27

It's not fair for her to take this out on you. Yeah, so she has lost some work but that is the nature of the business she is in - kids come and kids go. It's a shame she is being so unprofessional. At this rate, you are hardly likely to recommend her to anyone which could have been quite useful for her at the moment!!

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:09:39

How much notice did you give ie how much should you still be taking her?

She can take you to court for the rest of her earnings if you still owe her a few weeks, thats all.

That's just a warning though, I think she's disgraceful. Poor you

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:12:54

lunavix, i still should be taking dd's for 3 more weeks. plus 2 weeks holiday pay. i gave her 4 weeks notice, as is in our contract. im still going to pay her all of this money, even though im not going to take dd's for this time. so she wont lose out on any money. ill just give it all to her tonight.

i wouldnt do that to her

i was going to buy her her favourite perfume as a present, but now i think shell throw it back in my face

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:17:16

i was going to recommend her to the girl whos bought my house - shes a single mum who has her own business - but i dont know whether to or not.

if she asks i might - the dd's adore her and she is good at her job

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:17:36

I think it's dreadful behaviour on her part. I'd be inclined to phone Ofsted. There a new leaflet/pack that was sent out to C/M, and it says we should display a poster, which tells parents to contact Ofsted about the standard of their care. I think you should, her behavior is totally unprofessional.

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:20:17

ofsted doesnt cover round here, lunavix, but i think ill contact scottish childminding organisation (or whoever is instead of ofsted), thanks for the advice

i realise shes going through a rough patch etc, but i feel shes taking it out on me

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:22:20

actually im not sad, im furious

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:43:29

Too right. Tbh she doesn't deserve to get paid, although contractually she has to, but if you took dd's I'd be worried she'd take it out on them too.

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:43:52

Make sure you let her know that you had someone else interested in her!

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:44:26

(okay that's not very professional but she started it! )

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 09:45:53

well i did think about that for today, lunavix, but i do trust her 100% with dd's, ill give her that.

now i really must go to bed, but im too wound up to sleep. do you think i should go out and get her a present to give to her when i pick dd's up this afternoon?

lunavix Thu 28-Apr-05 09:47:24

If you aren't putting yourself out, sure. THere's no point stooping to her level, plus maybe it'll help her see her behaviour is unreasonable.

If she's such a good CM, it's a pity this has let her down a bit. Hopefully she'll realise.

KatieMac Thu 28-Apr-05 11:41:03

I think it's really bad too, just cos of the money even, not that she will miss your girls or that her other children will miss them...but cos she will miss the money.....even I'm not that mercenry (at least not to a parents face - it would be unproffessional)

Every time a child goes - I really miss them, I still see my first mindee (who moved too far away to come here) I was at his little brother's christening 3 weeks ago. The money is secondry (but it does factor in to my reaction a bit - I try to supress it...I think I succeed)

ssd Thu 28-Apr-05 11:58:22

Nailpolish, you would have to contact" the care commission "if you are unhappy. They register childminders in Scotland. TBH I'm really shocked at this c/mders behavour, sh'e totally out of line. Of course we all worry about money, but that's part of the job unfortunately.
And I'd give her a token gift from the kids eg. choccies, I don't think she'd have the nerve to except perfume after her outburst.

Good luck with your move and hopefully you'll get another good and a bit more reasonable! childminder.

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 16:45:19

i dont think ill contact anyone - im not umhappy with the way she treated dd's - although i would have liked her to have been a bit saddened that they will go, or that she will miss them! i think/hope shes hiding it. i was really worried about telling her cos i thought she would get upset - but her reaction astonished me.

just away to collect them now for the last time. dont know what will happen - a bit aprehensive, i havent got her anything

nailpolish Thu 28-Apr-05 16:45:32

just her money

KatieMac Thu 28-Apr-05 19:06:30

She doesn't even deserve that

Diddle Thu 28-Apr-05 20:23:34

I have to say as a childminder, i would never act so unprofessionally. I can't believe she tried to make you feel guilty about cancelling her holiday. Even if she was thinking these things or having financial problems at home, thats not really your problem, or anything she needs to share with you.
But i wouldn't stoop to her level, if you want to get her a leaving present then you should. might make her realise what a child she is being.

UKMickey Thu 28-Apr-05 23:53:12

FAO: Nailpolish
Yes I think it is rather unprofessional sadly I think she has crossed the line in her relationships with her Mummy/ies, Daddy/ies..giving out her Very personal life. Just may be she is not in a position to be looking after any child at this particular moment! because of the extra stress she appears to have @ this moment...of course I not implying any harm, or taking it out manner etc on any mindees(I think I have been seeing referred to as this)but because she obviously feels awful @ present...the atmosphere for children (without poss realising).

Since you feel you really don't want to be the one feeling awful & why should you...apparently you have/are following the required procedure to C/minders contract.

Trying to cut a long story short (I know) re present..why don't you have your children who have been their write a little letter will miss you etc (poss little help from Mummy)thank you XXX etc. so the present appears from them?

nailpolish Fri 29-Apr-05 10:28:15

went to collect dd's last night for the last time. cm started crying, and made the strangest proposition

her ds (8) plays football for the school team. cm, her dh and 2 dd's (14 and 11) are going to watch him play at a match 10 miles away.

she asked me if dd1 would like to go too, she wanted to give dd a day out as a treat goodbye. i thought they would be going on a bus, but they are taking the car. then she said after that they are going to the beach (another 10 miles) then for something to eat then back home (15 miles)

then she asked if dd1 could stay for a sleepover - as a special treat

now i was worried about 2 things. 1st, they do not have a car seat, and with dd1 there would be 6 people in their car, therefore dd1 would have to sit on cm's knee.

2nd, i asked where dd1 would sleep, cm said her dh would sleep on the z bed in the living room and dd1 would sleep in cm's bed with cm

now i KNOW dd1 would have great fun, but im worried re the car thing and i know for a fact she would never sleep in a bed with someone else, get tired and ask for her own bed.

i have decided (with dh) that its not a good idea. she would have fun at the football and the beach, could maybe come home after tea, but i dont want her to go in the car that far without a carseat

i dont know how to tell cm. i think shell take it personally. please help

thanks v much IA

Avalon Fri 29-Apr-05 10:32:40

That's sounds rather weird to me, nailpolish, unless you are friends and you've done that sort of thing before.

SoupDragon Fri 29-Apr-05 10:34:49

for me that would be a "no" for so many reasons!!!

LIZS Fri 29-Apr-05 10:38:27

I wouldn't let a child of mine go on a jaunt like that, epsecially in the circumstances. waht if she got unhappy part way through, would they curtail the trip and bring her back sooner ? Anyway she'd be breaking the law overloading the car, could jeopardise her CM status as a result, let alone the safety issues of not using a car seat and holding your dd on her lap.

If she wants to give them a treat she could take them to a park and buy ice cream ! They'd be just as happy. You can't be repsonsible for her cancelling her holiday and her dh being made redundant - she could take on other kids, especially with school holidays on the horizon, and you are fulfilling her notice period.

sallystrawberry Fri 29-Apr-05 10:39:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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