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problem with another toddler at childminder's ...

(8 Posts)
mummylonglegs Tue 19-Apr-05 22:29:12

DD, 2 1/2 goes to a childminder 2 mornings a week, since about 3 months ago. One day she's there with the minder and her own daughter who's 2 months older than dd. They get on fantastically. The other morning they're joined by a boy 1 month older than dd. He's really a very difficult child although not in any way unpleasant. He's, apparently, borderline ADHD and can get easily aggressive. Dd's come home now a couple of times with bites on her arms and I witnessed him scratch her face very badly this morning. His mum is clearly stressed out by his behaviour and seems very nice (I don't know her beyond occasional meetings as we cross paths or at a toddler group). She's a friend of the minder which makes things a bit difficult.

What should i do? I've been thinking of maybe dropping the second morning dd goes to the minder as I don't really want her to be physically hurt and from what she says she really is being bothered by the boy and isn't enjoying the time there. I have a real job to get her to leave home to go there on the day he's there, whereas the other day she's dancing out the door before I'm half dressed! But I don't want to upset the minder or the mother of the little boy. The childminder herself is new to minding and is 10 years younger than me so doesn't have a whole history of experience to help her deal with his behaviour although she is aware of it and is doing, I think, her best in terms of disciplining him.

Any ideas? What would you do?

feelingold Tue 19-Apr-05 23:04:06

As your dd seems to enjoy going to CM when this boy is not there, would it be possible to swap the day she goes to one when he isn't there?
It is a shame if your daughter has to go to a different CM if she is otherwise happy with this one.
Obviously you have to put your daughters happiness first so if you have to speak to the CM about it do not worry about it, if she's not happy the CM needs to know.
I am a childminder and I hope that if any of my mindees parents have a problem that they feel they could talk to me about it.

KatieMac Wed 20-Apr-05 07:43:24

I agree with Feelingold - If you could swap the C/Mer might feel a bit releived...the other parent may not be able to swap

Offering makes you look very reasonable and (imo) helpful & understanding

mummylonglegs Wed 20-Apr-05 09:57:23

I've thought about this but there isn't really another day dd could go as the C/Mer only wants to work part-time so she can spend time with her own dd the other days. The other mum I think would find it hard to swap plus her little boy is there all day that day and I think the mum really needs the break from him. Much more than I do. The problem for me with talking to the C/Mer herself is that she's good friends with the other mum and has much sympathy for her and the problems she's having with her ds. Which is a position I respect. I think the solution will be to just send dd for the 1 morning and try not to leave it so that the other mum feels too bad about it?

lunavix Wed 20-Apr-05 10:03:57

I think that you should definately drop the day that your dd is there with this boy, if she isn't happy going then she really shouldn't.

Sit down and talk with your CM - explain why you want to drop this day and see if she can come up with a solution to help you all. She should do this, this is her responsibility that everyone in her care is happy.

mummylonglegs Wed 20-Apr-05 10:18:54

I think you're right, lunavix. It's just that she's so young, the C/Mer, and very consciencious, I don't want her to feel bad about it. But I guess if she's going to carry on minding, this kind of thing will come up again at some point.

mummylonglegs Wed 20-Apr-05 14:43:05

Oh Lord, I'm a coward ... I just picked dd up from her good morning at minders with the intention of telling her that dd won't be doing Thursdays any more but minder was so full of compliments about dd, saying she was a delight to look after and played so nicely with her dd that I couldn't do it!

KatieMac Thu 21-Apr-05 07:47:18

Could you sit down with her & explain....and ask what can WE do together to make the situation better.

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