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Prospective nanny rejected us!

(19 Posts)
expatkat Tue 01-Mar-05 20:30:25

I've been interviewing nannies who can accompany me to the US for a few months while I work. I found one through an agency. She was apparently quite keen to join us in NYC until she actually met me (and the kids). She told the agency she wasn't so sure about things after the interview. There was something about us that was a little strange but evidently she couldn't quite describe it.

I'm probably a little eccentric, but in reality I'm the easiest person in the world to work for because I'm incredibly laid back. I just do my thing, and let the nanny get on with her thing, and I pretty much never criticize or interfere. I keep telling myself this rejection is unimportant, but in reality I'm kind of gutted! Has this happened to anyone else? (Probably not!)

motherinferior Tue 01-Mar-05 20:30:48

You poor love!


bambi06 Tue 01-Mar-05 20:35:27

i`ve got a friend out in nyc that s a nanny and has her own child but is out of work would you be interested.. she` brill ..she used to live over here originally but we got itchy feet together and both moved out there to live.. she` s still out there 12 yrs later so she knows the english attitude but knows what s going on out there for kids.CAT me if youre interested.. have fun out there too. its great

RTKangaMummy Tue 01-Mar-05 20:35:32

oh dear

What did you think of her?

But perhaps you just weren't suited together

expatkat Tue 01-Mar-05 20:57:40

Will cat you babi06. That sound great--a godsend, to be quite honest. Thanks everyone else for you sympathy, assuming it wasn't ironic (yes this nanny thing has made me QUITE paranoid & oversensitive!)

RTKangamummy--She's from a farm in Australia. Very small town sort of person, literally just immigrated. Quite independent and seemingly easy to get along with (which v. much appealed to me). I'm sort of scatttered, quite disorganized, not really a domestic sort of girl. Dh, who's pretty straight-up & corporate, said I might be a little in-your-face bohemian for her tastes, though I don't view myself that way. Or maybe I was trying too hard not to be an authoritarian type of employer. I said things like, "Oh, you probably know a lot more about children than I do, so I don't want to be patronizing and ask you all sorts of questions when I know that you can probably handle two kids with your eyes closed." (She'd previously worked, for 10 yrs, in a large nursery sort of situation.) Maybe she needed a bit more guidance, or needed the structure of someone who had some more assertive views on things? Who knows. I can analyize this again and again, but I can't really know what was going on in her head. Generally the nannies I've had have really liked working for me. . .so I don't know what to think about this one. . .

princesspeahead Tue 01-Mar-05 21:14:05

expatkat, when I've been rejected by nannies I've offered jobs to (happend 2ce, both when I only had one baby), with hindsight it was a relief since they probably wouldn't have been right for me and I found someone much better in both cases.

I think it is a bit like sending your kids to schools - if they don't get in then it wouldn't have been the right place for them anyway. IYKWIM (and NOT wanting to start a debate about state v private education!)

RTKangaMummy Tue 01-Mar-05 21:14:49

I guess one way to look at it is that you could easily have thought a nanny wasn't right for you or your family

Sorry don't have the answer

But it is better you know now rather than once she has started

KatieMac Tue 01-Mar-05 21:29:04

It's horrid being rejected isn't it.

But it's just as hard to reject someone - so she must have felt bad too. Remember you will have to(probably) reject some of the nannies that you interview and it may be just as hard and difficult as this rejection has been.

That got very confusing - but I know what I's prob as I have an interview tomorrow that I got so confusing

maomao Tue 01-Mar-05 21:34:08

expatkat, could I come and be your nanny? I really miss NYC.
Seriously, am sorry that it didn't work out

CountessDracula Tue 01-Mar-05 21:35:50

Maybe she is one of those types who likes lots of rules and regulations and she felt she wouldn't fit in with your laid back lifestyle?

i wouldn't take it personally

SofiaAmes Wed 02-Mar-05 00:21:51

I've met you expatkat...I didn't say anything at the time, but I was rather put off by the three curly purple horns coming out of the top of your head. But other than that, I can't think of any reason why you would put someone off. Maybe she wasn't really into the idea of going off to the usa after having just arrived in the uk and in fact it had nothing to do with you. Are you just going to be in nyc? I may be able to recommend someone there too...She has a daughter in school so wouldn't be able to travel however.

majorstress Wed 02-Mar-05 11:26:13

This is a tough business, you are choosing a housemate as well as an employee/employer. In my experience it gets worse once they start working for you!!!!So you probably dodged a bullet there. There are so many variables too, maybe she got a better offer through another agency and didn't want to own up. Or maybe she is an over-critical person herself (except OF herself, where it would do some good actually)who would never fit in with you anyway. I've got one of those in my house right now and it sucks, it has made me very unhappy that I have added a person to my household who just doesn't like me.

expatkat Wed 02-Mar-05 20:21:42

Thanks for the cheering & reassuring replies.

Sofia & bambi--I've CAT-e'd you both.

Oh maomao. . .I know how you feel, though I think we've both done well to be in London this week as it sounds like NYC is blizzard-stricken at the moment. Are/were you a New Yorker? I'm still more apt to call myself a New Yorker than a Londoner, though I've been in London for 6 yrs. I like London, too, though.

I know this situation nanny situation is hardly a disaster, but it just made me feel temporarily cr*p, as any rejection does. I'm much happier about it today, though, thanks to your responses.

blossom2 Wed 02-Mar-05 20:25:12

Amy kind of rejection sucks!!!

hope you find a nanny soon expatkat.

Kittermaster Sat 05-Mar-05 11:00:19

Message withdrawn

expatkat Sat 05-Mar-05 11:45:09

Thanks kittermaster--I tried the au pair route when I had to go the US for 7 months last year, but the au pair agencies said I wasn't really a good candidate for hiring an au pair because I'm not in one place long enough for the au pair to get involved in taking a class, for example--plus, with the little one especially, I need someone who has lots of experience and is prepared to be full-on with two kids. I work quite unpredictable hours and go out quite a bit too as part of the work I do, too, so I'm not really looking for a mother's-help type employee, which is essentially what an au pair is, but more a nanny.

But sofiaames and bambi are looking contacting the nannies they know in NYC, and I'll ask my friends, too, so I think I'll just hire someone there & save myself heaps of money. Thanks again, everyone.

Yeshi Sun 06-Mar-05 22:59:49

Don't take it to heart! If anything, you should be glad that she had enough courage to say, "I don't think this will work out." Who knows, you could have been stuck in an awkward situation! Move on and try to find someone more compatible.

... On a side note, what sort of time commitment are you looking for? I'm originally from Manhattan, NYC and might be able to help!

expatkat Mon 07-Mar-05 00:17:30

That's nice of you to offer to help, Yeshi. I'm looking for a 6 wk commitment starting from April 12th or so. Full time.

tamula Mon 07-Mar-05 07:02:02

AS a former nanny I think it very unprofessional and insensitive for the agency to relay that awful message, a bit of tact and diplomacy wouldnt have gone amiss.

As for the nanny who knows? Maybe her situation changed but she didnt have the guts to say, perhaps it wasnt you but after giving it some thought she just didnt want to go to the US after all. How old was she? sometimes younger nannies find excuses rather than just tell it like it is.

But in truth, either way, what will be will be and if its not her then just sit tight for the good times to roll with your super new nanny!!

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