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Advice needed fast please

(37 Posts)
PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 16:42:18

dd! and mindee (6) have just broken our huge toy unit by BOTh climbing up it, despite being told umpteen times not too as its made for storage boxes NOT people....came up to toilet and hear a crack, dd in tears, cant understand..finally get out of her SHE'S broken it..tell her to go in living room while i think/make it safe..mindee starts crying, im thinking its in sympathy for dd...come back in and ask mindee what happend..she begins well your dd told me to...i said NO , do not blame anyone else, what happend(didnt think she HAD done anything!)..turns out BOTH of them were climbing bouncing on so annoyed theyre old enough to know better...both in tears because they feel guilty, i have told them im very annoyed and dissapointed with them (no shouting)and wonder why i buy nice things for them when this is what happens (mindee also 'accidentally' broke another small toy yesterdayhmm)...dd is now NOT coming shopping tonight (she gets treats and sees nana when we go) but what to i say to mindees mum!, i am annoyed, but what to say!? be here within 15 mins and i need to be calm and explain instead of being annoyed!!

cece Thu 25-Sep-08 16:44:34

Just stay calm and explain it as you understand it. Perhaps have the mindee standing and listening so she hears you tell her mum.

OFSTEDoutstanding Thu 25-Sep-08 16:46:16

I would just explain the facts as best as you know them, do you have a policy for breaking furniture/ toys through improper use. Mine says that if anything is broken purposefully either through mallicious damage or through misuse the parents are to replace the item. As it was a mindee and your DD maybe you could suggest they pay half? Are they the sort of parents that would understand or will they say that you should have been in the room with them?

JenniPenni Thu 25-Sep-08 16:46:50

I agree with cece. Pop a note re breakages in her daily diary too.

PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 16:47:10

but then she'll start crying again and ill look badhmm..dont like making LO cry..but its just guilty tears as when i said to ehr too stop as she ahs done something wrong and that tears dont work, she stopped! straight away!

what makes it worse is that dd took her nintendo ds into school today, i said she could so she could play it sat down in playground..she took it out as we were walking in as she couldnt wait and dropped it straight away on floor!..BROKE!

PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 16:47:59

dont do diary for this one, shes6 and only here 2 hours after school, there was neevr time to fill in as well as doing snacks and inbetween breaking furniture!

PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 16:49:14

they go to school together so i 'know' mum..i was only in kitchen fixing their snack!..theyre 5 and 6..the babies need watching 24/7 yes but these two!

OFSTEDoutstanding Thu 25-Sep-08 16:49:21

Dont worry about looking bad she shouldnt have done it! As you say they are old enough to know better. If she cries in front of parent tell her to stop as she knows what she has done is wrong...maybe have DD standing nearby as well so that both mindee and parents realise she is also in the wrong?

PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 16:50:42

why do I feel like a witch?..i feel bad about telling mum that her dd and mine broke something??hmm

OFSTEDoutstanding Thu 25-Sep-08 16:52:57

I always feel the same I think it is because you can never tell how parents react however you are in the right to say something especially as she broke something yesterday as well you don't want it to become a regular occurance

JenniPenni Thu 25-Sep-08 16:54:48

Yip, as OFSTEDoutstanding says.... nip it in the bud!

PinkChick Thu 25-Sep-08 20:03:07

well dad picked up and i told him and he said......"oh...what are you like"!..and his dd giggled and went on their merry way!!![shokc]..i could have bet on mum ringing me leter to apologise...but she didnt! still stottingangrysad

OFSTEDoutstanding Thu 25-Sep-08 20:20:07

shock Can't believe some parents! I would seriously consider writing up a policy about damages, do you have many more mindees so you could send a newsletter home with it included so it doesn't look really obvious that you have done it because of this particular occasion?

nbee84 Thu 25-Sep-08 21:30:53

My ds used crayon on my childminders french polished unit. She wasn't happy about it and though she didn't say she was going to charge us she implied as such.

Though I pointed out that he was only 19 months old, and asked why had crayons unsupervised? She went a bit quiet then.

After your experience today I would set up a damages policy. At 6 they do know that they shouldn't have been climbing and jumping.

SammyK Thu 25-Sep-08 22:00:37

I hate to put it bluntly andI know it sounds harsh - but is this after school child making you any profit after breakages??

angry for you, can't believe dad's reaction. shock How appalling!

Did it cost a lot? I don't think parent's get it TBH, in a family environment a cracked toy storge unti could be left, we can't leave something like that, we would get in trouble with Ofsted, and so have to replace tings that are broken.

Aged 6 is definately old enough to know. Is your DD 6 too? Hope she is gutted about DS! Can you gie them a task or challenge when you have to leave them if they are finding mishief?

{hug} I feel for you!

PinkChick Fri 26-Sep-08 10:21:44

hi all, we nomally have an activity to do (crafty type) for after school, but they wanted to 'just play' last night..however ive noticed this is also when mindee starts being bossy and ordering the younger mindee around, he goes with it and you can ehar her speaking really quietly sneakily to him trying not to let me hearhmm..have told her i dont like this, she should play nicely or not at all and asked her how she would feel if people bossed her around..goes in one ear and out..she IS normally a lovely girl, think her new class/year are changing herhmm

DD was in my bad books all alst night then this morn its show and tell and she wanted to take her NEW swim to me puppy in (she bought it herself out of saved up pocket money)..i said no, dp said i was being mean! i let her and told her not to expect me to replace it if it comes home broken!..dp cant fix ds properly, keeps freezing!..another £100 odd quid down the drainsad

gunna have all art stuff laid out for them when they get in tonight!

and will def update my policies on breakages now!

ThePrisoner Fri 26-Sep-08 19:37:03

I actually don't think it's fair to charge parents for breakages or damage, whether it is deliberate or accidental.

The 10% of total earnings for wear and tear that we can claim is for this sort of thing. There is also your public liability insurance that you can use to claim.

Marney Mon 29-Sep-08 21:36:16

I agree Ithink the childminder can expect some accidental damage occasionaly and should not expect the parents to pay out.Children are not adults.
Deliberate damage I think its very important to discuss with the childs parents and Id also have a good chat with the child to try and understand why the child is or was deliberatly spoiling something

Fadge Mon 29-Sep-08 21:42:16

I think I agree with you TP - CM have insurance, both lublic liability and one would assume home insurance, also the wear and tear covers this, sorry Pinkchick!

Thats said, I am shock at Dad's attitude, it stinks. No wonder mindee has no regard for other peoples belongings if this is the reaction she gets at home.

A letter to the mindee parents is in order I feel.

NumberFour Tue 30-Sep-08 06:34:43

I have never actually thought about a Damages policy. I keep on meaning to do a Lost Items policy too - if children bring in things to my setting and they get lost, etc. I also had to ask one really lovely mum not to dress her LO so beautifully because she only lands up getting dirty (the best possible dirt of course!)

SammyK Tue 30-Sep-08 08:07:48

I agree that you just have to accept that breakages happen, but in these circumstances I can understand the upset and frustration PC must feel.

The children were doing something they had been told not to, and are old enough to understand why, and then mindee's parent has shown PC no concern and laughed with his child about it!! shock

I have also found most non cm's think we get our expenses 'back', when I explain we simply don't pay tax on our expenses people are usually much more sympathetic. hmm

Fadge Tue 30-Sep-08 08:31:14

SammyK, we pay tax on our PROFIT, which is income MINUS our expenses.

SammyK Tue 30-Sep-08 08:36:07

Is that not what I said?????

We don't pay tax on our expenses - therefore what's left afterwards we pay tax on (the profit).

If I have written this wrong I apologise - I have been up all night with ds, but (and I don't normally stick my neck out on here) I am pretty sure I wrote correctly if not very succintly.?

Fadge Tue 30-Sep-08 08:37:41

our expenses are taken off completely, the whole cost of, not just the tax on them Sammy. We then pay tax on the remainder, our profit.

SammyK Tue 30-Sep-08 08:42:40


I know this will come across as rude as I am tired and grouchy blush but have you read what I have put?? If you are simply trying to help me then pleased don't be offended, but I am four tax returns in which I do myself so think I would have had it flagged up by now if I had a misunderstanding of how I pay tax. hmm

Will leave this and come back a bit later I think. maybe my head really is not working hmm

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