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Childminder and Toilet Training --what's the norm?

(14 Posts)
LavenderLu Thu 18-Sep-08 22:08:46

HI all
What's the norm re a childminder and toilet training? My friend's minder has three children somedays four and she feels she can't cope with doing any training, which is fair enough. So my friend made sure her son was dry before he started with her ten days ago, but now he's regressed and is having accidents. The minder would prefer him to go into nappies and suggests he was not ready - he had been dry for three weeks. My friend is v stressed cos she works full time (hence why im writing on her behalf) and wonders how long grace she can ask the minder for? Is a week acceptable before she has to put him back in nappies? He's two and a half. Also, out of interest if a childminder has had a child for a long time prior to toilet training do they normally do the training? Or do parents take time off work to do it? Thanks

FromGirders Thu 18-Sep-08 22:14:36

I would hope (and expect, really) that the parents would start the training, for a least the first couple of days (ie if they worked full time then start on a saturday) as the first couple of days are the worst grin. After that I'd be doing exactly as the parent asked, but would expect them to supply a lot of spare clothes. If a child was soiling themselves a lot (not just wet) I'd ask them to consider pull-ups, though I do think they are the work of the devil as far as toilet training goes. I would also encourage parents to remember that I have school runs to do, and hope that they'd think it was a good idea to start toilet training in the school holidays.
I do have it written into my policies that parents should expect more accidents with me than at home, as having more children around there are more distractions for the little "trainee". Accidents are something any decent CM would expect and deal with, I reckon. My entire house is laminate, for this very reason.

LavenderLu Thu 18-Sep-08 22:24:12

Hi there, thanks for this. V helpful, So, do you think, as he has been dry for three weeks and the first ten days at the minder's house that it's acceptable for my friend to ask for at least another week? She did start a good six weeks before the due date at the minders and after three weeks of lots of accidents he was then dry for three weeks, so it was a good long stretch before he started. IE she really really put the effort in all over the summer and would be V disheartened to go back into nappies so soon. Plus, she's worried this will affect her son's confidence....

Perhaps pull ups for school runs is a really good compromise.

Unfortunately today he soiled three times, so it's not just getting wet. I guess if tomorrow (fri) goes ok-ish there's the weekend for the parents to see how things are and help him perhaps by Monday it will be ok again.

Also, have you found in your experience that children can randomly regress or is it due to something? My friend feels very nervous about whether it's because of her going back to work

Any more info gratefully received. x

FromGirders Thu 18-Sep-08 22:34:46

Had one child who was doing great (with occasional wet accidents) who then regressed and soiled himself every day for nearly a week. I was getting a bit frustrated - luckliy didn't have school runs at the time, but it confined us to the house for a large part of the day, didn't feel we could go to the park until he'd "been" for the day, etc. Thankfully, just as I was plucking up courage to say "pull-ups" to his mum, he seemed to come through that phase and was OK agian after that. I did wonder to myself if he was really and truly ready (I'm a great believer until leaving it as long as poss, until they demand to do it themselves!) but you have to support the parents wishes. Unless it's really causing problems and upsetting the child because of the accidents.
The cm and hte mum probably just need to have a good chat, without the kids around, sort out exactly which part of the accident is the problem, whether it's the timing or probs with cleaning up (I'd just pop the mindee in the bath and hose down, myself). as a cm, you need to factor in extra time for everything as it's just sod's law that as soon as you have everyone's coat and shoes on ready to walk to school, a littlie will say "i've done a poo . . " and you have to change a nappy in a hurry!

LavenderLu Fri 19-Sep-08 01:22:33

THanks so much, its been a big help - and you're right they need to have a good talk....fingers crossed that he gets thru tomorrow positively, thank goodness its the weekend coming up!. Most appreciated. thanks xx
O and PS, i havent started mine yet, hes the same age so im releaved to hear what you say about wait until they're asking, ive been worried that im a bit lazy!

JenniPenni Mon 22-Sep-08 00:25:49

Interestingly enough, a child I am toilet training is fine at my home, but makes many mistakes at his home with his parents.

I have no clue why... except that I ask him if he needs to go, and I don't think the parents do this as much as I do. He plays and forgets to go. He's been training since April! Has recently turned 3.

Toilet training is very much part and parcel of the job as a childminder I feel - it's all part of their development... and asking a child to go back into nappies for convenience sake is a backwards step and will only confuse the child imo.

denbury Mon 22-Sep-08 00:59:35

our neighbours did the whole stay at home for a week thing and he seemed to be potty trained very quickly. we on the other hand did a day of nappies a day of pants half days or basically did as he took a few weeks but we have few accidents where as neighbours kid is happy weeing in my sandpit!!! don't class that as being potty trained

denbury Mon 22-Sep-08 01:02:20

forgot to add that childminder should give the kid some leway as he's in a new envioroment away from his mummy.

PinkyDinkyDooToo Mon 22-Sep-08 10:06:06

When DS1 was training he was fine at home but went to a private nursery a couple of times a week and had accidents there. I totally expected this as he would get absorbed in playing. I think the cm should give him more of a chance.

stellabgh Mon 22-Sep-08 13:18:36

I would expect the parents to take some time off to get toilet training started tbh. In this situation I would give it a week and then ask the parents to consider putting him back in nappies.
It also depends if he is soiling himself a lot and if it is very runny. I had this situation with one mindee and it really is very unhygienic if it gets on the carpet.

changingsoon Mon 22-Sep-08 13:21:41

i usually sugeest parents start on the weekend and i take it from there. this child might have started wetting due to new surroundings. she should be more understanding.

southernbelle77 Mon 22-Sep-08 13:27:44

As a CM I think it is part of the job to help with potty training. I would not expect a parent to take any time off work in order to do it, although I would ask them to start at the weekend so that it wasn't completely new to the child when they came to my house. I am currently toilet training with two of my mindees. We have accidents (fortunately only wet so far!) and we deal with them. They do better at home than here but are getting used to it and me asking more frequently as they get so engrossed in playing and other activities!

I think the CM should not be saying put back in pull ups (unless totally unready, but from OP it doesn't sound like that is the case) and to give it more of a chance. Soiling is more difficult on though as this does make it hard when you have lots of other mindees.

TheConfusedOne Mon 22-Sep-08 13:45:32

Ive gone with all the toilet training with my lot.

We have piddle pads in the car seats for school runs, and try and stay in or at a activity that I can monitor them and ask them for a week.

If they haven't got the hang of it in a week (I don't expect them to be totally dry), then we leave it awhile and try again.

Its part of the job, you cant expect parents to take time off.

vInTaGeVioLeT Mon 22-Sep-08 22:54:34

i was toilet training all my mindee's and ds at one point it was extremely trying but they all got there in the end!!
i got through an awful lot of anti-bac spray and kitchen roll grin

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