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Scared to leave her behind, but who with????

(13 Posts)
PebbleLilly Thu 24-Feb-05 16:56:32

Hi all, just found this site today.

I am about to interview a few girls to be au-pairs. Reading this site made me worry a lot. I have a daughter (one in 5 days).I need to return to work, but we are also moving within London. I am worried that I will not find a suitable childminder, or that nurseries will be too expensive. Maybe I will not find a placement for her. This is mainly the reason why my option is an ap at the moment.

Can I leave a one year old with someone in my home 5 days a week?? (shock)

Or what are my chances of finding alternative childcare within 2 weeks? My dd has only been looked after by me and some family so far, and I am worried about tears...

I know it is normal to feel like this, but I need to make up my mind soon, as I am to return to LOndon form abroad. (I am meeting would be au-pairs here in Budapest)

Does anyone know good childminders in East London? Or nurseries? What are the real costs?

Please advice, as I cannot sleep any more now. DD is back in London working, so hard to talk over the phone, maybe you girls understand this issue a bit more.

hercules Thu 24-Feb-05 16:58:08

I personally wouldnt use an aupair for this amount of time. It sounds more like a job for a nanny or a childminder in their own home.

NotQuiteCockney Thu 24-Feb-05 17:00:12

What part of East London are you looking for help in? What sort of cost are you willing to pay?

I don't know much about au pairs, but I had thought they weren't generally to be left in sole charge of a child. I'm sure some of them are lovely, and a friend of mine has just got one for her four girls, but I'd be a bit cautious. (Are you from Hungary? That would make choosing an au pair from there easier.)

There are some good nurseries around. The further they are from the City or Docklands, the cheaper they are. I think the cost ranges from £35/day to £60/day, but I haven't looked for a while.

PebbleLilly Thu 24-Feb-05 17:04:33

Thanks NotQuiteCockney, I am Hungarian and Dh is English. We dont quite know where to move yet. Maybe Brking, ILford, Leyton, need to saty in that area, for work reasons.

I am hoping that a qualified Hungarian nanny would show up, and then I can trust her more. As about costs, I dont think I can pay more that 140-150 a week. Can I find anything for that much?

Twiglett Thu 24-Feb-05 17:07:56

an au pair is definitely not an option for those hours .. find yourself a good childminder or a nursery place

ap's should never be in sole charge of young children nor should they work for longer than 4 hours a day

NotQuiteCockney Thu 24-Feb-05 17:16:36

I think you might find a reasonably priced nursery or childminder out there. Nurseries tend to be cheaper than nannies, from what I know.

And as Twiglett says, those hours are too long for an au pair.

There might be a middle ground, if you found someone who was qualified to do childcare in Hungary, but not here, you could maybe have her live in and do nanny duties.

annh Thu 24-Feb-05 19:48:02

There always seems to be confusion between the terms aupair and nanny with many people using the two as interchangeable. However, if you are really talking about an aupair then they are generally younger, with less experience and you would certainly not be able to leave them in sole charge of a baby for any length of time. They are only supposed to work 5 hours a day anyway.

It sounds as if what you really want is a nanny but they cost lots. For the money you are offering you probably can find someone in Hungary who is experienced and who would be suitable and if they have not been to the UK before, 140-150 pounds a week will sound like good money but when they get here they will quickly realise how expensive life is, especially in London, plus they will meet other nannies and realise they are being underpaid. I think live-out nannies expect about 300 pounds per week NET in London.

If you bring a Hungarian aupair/nanny with you, she will not need a work permit but members of the new EU countries do still have to register with the Home Office and work for 12 months before gaining the right to stay here. As her employer, you will also be responsible for paying tax and NI on her behalf.

Unless you will be starting work as soon as you get here, I think it would be better - and less stressful for you - to come over, settle in and then visit some nurseries and childminders as you may well find them cheaper and more suitable anyway.

HappyMumof2 Thu 24-Feb-05 20:52:22

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PebbleLilly Thu 24-Feb-05 21:45:17

Seems like you are giving some light to me! As for childminders, what are your experiences, if you have had them before??? And does it ususlly take long to find one? Does the child have to be on a list like with nurseries, and schools? Many thnaks for your answers!! I is definately great help to me...

HappyMumof2 Fri 25-Feb-05 12:33:18

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PebbleLilly Fri 25-Feb-05 21:06:09

Many thanks HappyMumof2! I think I will interview a woman tomorrow who is trained nursery teacher. She could be a live in nanny, maybe. I talked to DH and my panic attack is not as bad now. It feels like a stage fright, having to leave your first child with someone for the first time.

I think I will take it easy and try to fine a childminder as well. I`ve been reading up a lot. Seems like a job to find one...

Do you like being a childminder? I was wondering if as a teacher I could re-train to become one. How long does it take?

HappyMumof2 Fri 25-Feb-05 21:23:08

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PebbleLilly Fri 25-Feb-05 22:01:17

Thank you for your answers, DD is very ill, cant hang out here... Have a good week-end, and thanks again )

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