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I can't carry on like this. :(

(24 Posts)
SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 13:40:23

I am stressed out and tired, and sad.

DS is going 'waa waah' if a child touchers him/looks at him/comes near him/if his bike gets stuck/if he drops a toy. hmm

It is really grating on me. sad

I got the paints out but he wanted me to paint for him, he never wants to paint himself, and got upset and silly, which ended in paint on floor, walls and me because he was flapping his arms about with paintbush.

I have been doing papework or nvq work every evening for the last fortnight, and tmorrow and thhe following sat I am booked on a first aid course.

He now wants to lookat tardis's on my laptop for the 200th time this week.... {sigh}

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 13:41:58

If anyone not familiar wth ds he is suspected aspergers, 4 next month, in process of getting him diagnosed.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 12-Sep-08 14:26:16

SammyK, I think you may have posted in the wrong forum, but I didn'r want to leave you unacknowledged. There's bugger-all I can do to help, but have a {{{{{{hug}}}}}} anyway.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 14:38:46

No I am a cm

just realised i should have put in op.

nannynick Fri 12-Sep-08 15:14:40

It's hard Sammy at times (well most of the time actually) with a child on the autistic spectrum. I would avoid paint... can't say I like paint. Water though is another matter, quite a few children I care for on the autistic spectrum like water. Digging is also popular - so if you can allocate him an area of the garden in which to dig, that may keep him occupied and safe (if a little dirty).

Try to avoid conflicts, avoid stress. Just go with the flow... if he wants to look at Dr Who things, so be it.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 15:30:19

I am finding balancing his needs against the rest of the children hard. His nursery teacher thinks he needs one to one - and I have the same ratios as his nursery teacher.

I let him look on my laptop, but my general rule for it is no kids, so I try to avoid him using it while I am minding - it is usually his chill out reward for him at the end of the day. smile

bonkerz Fri 12-Sep-08 15:34:01

i have a DS who has just been DX as ASD but he is 8, i childminded from the time he was 4 until he turned 7 and then realised childminding was actually making him worse and i was too stressed to be doing the job! I gave up and saw a huge improvement in DS.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 15:41:00

Bonkerz - deep down I feel the same. sad

Trouble is if I wasn't cm'ing ds would have to settle with another cm or nursery. He really strggles with preschool!

I think you may have been on my original thread here?

What do you do now instead of cm'ing?

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 19:45:09

Feel so crap that I can't manage it all better. sad

bonkerz Fri 12-Sep-08 19:50:05

hi SammyK, I dont actually do anything since giving up childminding, I get DLA for DS and Carers allowance which gives us a small amount of income but things are tight. TBH though to be available to DS has been invaluable, our marriage has been under alot of strain recently and giving up work has literally saved us from divorce.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:00:37

Congrats on fighting for the dx for your ds bonkerz. smile

We couldn't afford for me not to work, I don't think, it would improve things immeasureably, but we would have different problems such as homelessness!

Do you have to have a dx to claim those benefits bonkerz? I honestly don't know what we would be entitled to if I didn't have an income!.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:02:11

You don't need a dx but it helps. Ds has only just got his dx but has been geeting DLA for the past 2 1/2 years.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:07:47

I really wish I could manage to give up cm'ing and concentrate on ds. Do you think it's possible. I am in such a dark mood I can't get too optimistic about it. Could do to to CAB I suppose but don't know when I physically could.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:10:08

I don't know how much you eran from CMing sammy but I've certainly never earned much and even if you find you can't give up completely if you can get DLA and CA you will be able to cut back on the number of hours you do.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:16:29

Yes thats true, working less would help. DS instantly calmed down when mindees went home. He likes the mindees, but finds it very stressful, and gets very upset and anxious, or some days just sad.

I have four PT time under fives at the mo, two do mornings and two do afternoons, so earnng a reasonable amount (keeps the wolf from the door). I did have an after schooler but they left yesterday.

Where do I get the forms from for DLA and carers allowance?

Do I not need to have anything about ds in writing? We have been referred to SALT and a paediatrician, but not seen them yet. EdPysch has read ds's notes at school hmm and confirmed our suspicions of asd, but nothing in writing as yet if tha makes sense.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:23:28

Well info from the professionals will help but don't worry if you don't have any yet as the DWP will contact the Paediatrician etc themselves if they want more into.

You get the forms by calling the Benefit Enquiry Line I think the number is 0800 88 22 00. If they agree to DLA they will backdate your payment to the day to called.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:27:55

I warn you now the form is long and Very depressing as you have to focus on all the negatives. Its also worth using the guide sheets on the Cerebra website as they will help you complete the form far better than the brief notes that come with it.

If your ds gets middle rate care or higher you will be entitled to CA and just need to contact them when you get the award letter through and they'll do the rest. Also if your ds qualifies for the DLA you should let the childrens tax credits people know as it increases the amount of tax credits you are entitled to. This may not actually increase the amount you get though if your household income exceeds the threshold but you need to let them know anyway.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:29:24

Look here for the cerebra guide

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:30:44

Just been reading on the nas website about mobility issues.

There are so many things I adjust with ds that I don't even notice I wouldn't do with an NT child.

He is clumsy, he mijudges distances, he is obsessed with buses and trains and will try to run across a road to one, he has to shut every gate/door we pass when out, if we change routes he is upset.
Last week we were crossing on teh green man, but because DS was somewhere else hen it went onto green, the man changed back to red while ds was halfway across the road. He stopped dead in the road 'oh no the green man' and started sobbing, I had to pick up him up as he was rooted to the spot, and carry him across the road! Good job I didn't have my cm'ing double buggy with me or I would have had it!

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:32:19

Thanks for all this advice, I feel downtrodden today, it's so nice to know I'm not alone.

Will check out cerebra link, thanks.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:34:03

I found that I filled out how sections of the form following the advice in the guide that I'd never have considered without it. Ds has no mobility issues as such but he needs so much supervision wherever he is that I still filled out those bits of the form. He needs constant reminding, prompting and encouraging in so many aspects of his life. i am so used to it that its easy to forget that other children don't need the same level of support.

dustystar Fri 12-Sep-08 20:34:48

You're definitely not alonesmile Good luck with it all and be kind to yourself.

SammyK Fri 12-Sep-08 20:39:56

Thank you I have downloaded and saved the guide from cerebra, and I will get the forms sent out, it is worth a try if it helps ds. smile

I think that's just it, most things we are just so used to, they are just part of who our dcs are.

It will be hard loking at all the negatives, I had a cry reading the nas advice, but I will just try to get through them and post them off I guess.

bonkerz Fri 12-Sep-08 22:24:54

we currently get 251 per month DLA and 51 per week Carers allowance. When i was childminding i had 2 full time children which meant i was bringing in 240 a week BUT i must say after deductions it was alot less i ended up with especially when you consider the cost of food, petrol, equipment and all the paperwork and time etc it take up! You could still childmind but maybe give up the younger children and only do after schoolers?? you could then still claim carers allowance and still be bringing in a small wage to top up DLA etc.

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