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Feel really hurt but don't know what to do

(14 Posts)
momentmum Thu 10-Feb-05 21:02:08

Every time I pick my toddler up from the childminder sh't screems and kicks at me and clings on to the child minder like she doesn't want to leave her. my toddler is fine the rest of the time but it really hurts. The childminder doesn't help because she just looks shocked and says she doesnt behave like that with me. Am I an evil mother or is this common?

mckenzie Thu 10-Feb-05 21:07:37

I'm sure you are not an evil mother momentmum! Please dont think that. I dont have any experience of childminders so i cant really offer any advise but I do get upset sometimes when my DS goes running away from me to his Grandma/Nan and then when i go to pick him up, he doesn't want to come home!
I think they're just being very clever at pulling at our heart strings.

Cod Thu 10-Feb-05 21:08:12

Message withdrawn

momentmum Thu 10-Feb-05 21:16:31

She is 18 months

tillykins Thu 10-Feb-05 21:16:53

Mine does that too sometimes - he's 15m old
I think your childminder's response is a bit crap to be honest - sorry to be so blunt. She should reassure you that the other children do that too, because I am sure they do
You are NOT an evil mother at all

momentmum Thu 10-Feb-05 21:26:55

You are right she can be a bit of a cow, If C wasn't so happy there I would put her in a nursery but that would be for my benefit not hers. IT's good to hear that it isn't just C that behaves like this

Twiglett Thu 10-Feb-05 21:30:59

It's really common

And your childminder has been trained no doubt to appreciate just how common it is

Its your child manipulating you, by creating a fuss .. it has nothing to do with her not wanting to leave but more to do with her realising you left her and reacting against it

if your childminder does the shocked look and is not supporting you, but making you feel like sh!t then I would find another childminder

Twiglett Thu 10-Feb-05 21:31:24

BTW I used a childminder and have been a childminder

janeybops Thu 10-Feb-05 21:34:55

My 15 month does it sometimes but the other boy at the childminders who is 6 months older does it a lot I think. Not uncommon, don't worry!

The childminder sounds more of a problem tbh. My cm is great and reassures me he's been fine all day...

momentmum Thu 10-Feb-05 21:46:32

looks like I will have to have a word with her

jalou28 Thu 10-Feb-05 21:54:44

i wouldnt worry too much about it, i have been a nanny for 8 years and i am now a full time mum, i have experienced this with children i have looked after.
I agree with everyone else your childminder should'nt look shocked instead she should explain to your child that you are arriving soon and make it exciting ( which it should be).
Your child will probably grow out of it soon and then wont want you to leave her!

Uwila Thu 10-Feb-05 21:56:38

Hi momentum,
Just wanted to echo what other have already said. We used a childminder until DD was 15 months old. She used to run for cover when I would go to pick her up, clearly not wnting to go with me. She was happy to see me for about 20 seconds. But, by the time I was done chatting with the childminder, she definitely was ready to protest. It used to make me sad, but then I decided that was selfish. As a mother, we always want to be loved and to be number one. But, deep down I knew that it was a good thing that DD was going to a place she was happy to be. Besides, there were loads of toys and other kids at childminder and boring old mummy can't really expect to compete with that in the eyes of a toddler.

Just remember that if your toddler doesn't want to leave, it probably means she was happy all day.

Blu Thu 10-Feb-05 22:10:56

Momentum - the fact that it's a phase 9and it really is0 doean't make it any less painful while it's happening does it/ But i do agree with twiglett - not so much about 'manipulation' but at that age they are beginning to voice an emotional protest, and they often 'punish' you when you have left them for a while. Does she return to her normal affectionate self once you get home? It's because eshe does love you that she does it.

It gets a bit more sophisticated when they are older - since DS (3.5) started nursery he tells me 'I don't love you Mummy and I hope a rocket will come down from space and burn you with it's flames'. Same reaction, different language. My own response is to accpet that he feels p**d off with me, and to sympathise, but be calm about the fact that he really won't come to any harm when i am away.

Twiglett Fri 11-Feb-05 08:19:31

Blu .. that's a fantastically well-thought out insult .. gosh little-boy-blu is extremely bright isn't he?

I'd be proud, when I stopped laughing of course

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