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would like opinions...

(24 Posts)
botherednanny Fri 01-Aug-08 23:34:13

my bosses are away for the weekend and I asked them if they had a good train journey and if I could use their BBQ tomorrow, just me and my BF, text I got back said...

"train was fine but we don't want you to use our house when we're not there, see you on monday at 9 x"

fair enough it is their house and yadda yadda yadda but does it not seem a little weird I can't use the BBQ in the garden?? I'm live in by the way with a seperate flat at the bottom of the house+I'm pretty sure at the interview they said I could use the garden when I wanted

so they can let me look after their child for 55 hours a week and let me in their house to clean it while they were away on holiday for a week but they won't let me use their BBQ for one sodding night?!!

I'm not sure if I have a right to be a bit put out... or even worried that I've done something wrong to piss them off?

AvenaLife Fri 01-Aug-08 23:35:59

How long have you worked there?

botherednanny Fri 01-Aug-08 23:37:51

less than a year, I understand its not that long but as I've said, they trust me to look after the DC and trust me to be in the house cleaning for a week so I'm not sure what the problem would be!

AvenaLife Fri 01-Aug-08 23:43:46

hmm I know what you mean. It does sound odd. Could you get your own BBQ, leave it out and make them feel bad? Or do they not want your BF hanging around?

botherednanny Fri 01-Aug-08 23:47:46

they are absolutely fine with my BF, everytime I do friday/saturday babysitting, they are absolutely fine with him to hang out with me... I obviously ask them first thou!

I would have my own BBQ but I can't get to the garden without going through their house sad

AvenaLife Fri 01-Aug-08 23:49:52

They just said not to use their house, not that you are not allowed to go through it to get to the garden. This is not the same. They don't expect you to be stuck in your flat all weekend do they?

QuintessentialShadows Fri 01-Aug-08 23:50:35

They probably just dont want you and boyfriend going in and out of the garden, through their home then, carrying food back and forth between garden and flat. I wouldnt think it sinister or odd at all.

QuintessentialShadows Fri 01-Aug-08 23:52:31

Could you maybe text them back saying
"Could you please confirm whether I can use your garden or not, as I would not be using your house" or something like that?

Soapbox Fri 01-Aug-08 23:54:01

Maybe he has left his gimp outfit on the sofagrin

I think they just don't want you going through the house - you have your own flat.

OTOH when they are away for a longer holiday and ask you to water the plants, feed the goldfish or pick up the post then of course you know what your answer will bewink

botherednanny Fri 01-Aug-08 23:54:08

it wouldn't be going in and out of the garden/house it would be take food to garden, cook food, eat food in garden, clear up...
I use the garden with the DC practically every day and I assure you that it would be a lot less messy than two adults using a BBQ!

and its not like cleaning is the issue as I'm the one that does all the cleaning in the house anyway!!

botherednanny Fri 01-Aug-08 23:56:44

well I text them about using the BBQ, they text back about not being in the house so I take that to mean I can't use the BBQ...

have panicked somewhat and text her back to say -
"fair enough, thats why I asked! have I done something to annoy you? anyway, see you on monday x"

botherednanny Sat 02-Aug-08 00:07:58

I would like to reiterate I said nothing about using their house just if I could use the BBQ

AvenaLife Sat 02-Aug-08 00:12:46

It's probably nothing that you have done. It does sound a bit odd though. I'm sure they have reasons, maybe you should have a chat with them when they get back.

imananny Sat 02-Aug-08 12:39:01

does sound a little weird hmm

surely you use their house/garden every day when they are not there - ie when they are at work?

i think you do have a right to feel a bit put out - obv it is their property, but you are not asking to have a party there, just to use bbq

you even live in, i live out and I go and use my bosses tennis courts when they are away (obv with their permission)they are happy that use gets out of them smile and that someone keeps an eye on the house - i even water their veg patch grin

CarGirl Sat 02-Aug-08 12:46:16

Is it a posh gas flame thrower bbq??? Perhaps they are worried about you burning the place down or breaking it?

Does sound odd though especially if you are allowed to use the garden anway.

botherednanny Tue 05-Aug-08 10:04:06

no, its just a bog standard bricks n' charcoal jobby lol.
anyway, she text me back that she wasn't annoyed so its just them being funny and lo and behold, when they go away for a long weekend next week guess what she wants me to do...!
LET MYSELF IN TO THE HOUSE TO DO THE CLEANING!!

I must say, I'm getting more+more irrate as I read posts about APs being trusted to use their bosses house for 2.5 weeks+my bosses won't even let me use a BBQ for a night. So lovely to be trusted?!!

Bink Tue 05-Aug-08 10:13:25

Your boss does sound curt (and therefore rude). If I were having to give that sort of message, I think I would put an explanation, even on a text - or at least a "sorry about this, let's discuss when we get back" - so that you know they're thinking about ground rules & why they're uncomfortable about the house being "used" as opposed to cleaned.

It might be something about having people other than you in the house, and their possible liability (as would, legally, be the case - so it's a genuine reason) if anything happens to them? That would explain why you cleaning is OK (they've accepted that under insurance as you're an employee) but your BF/BBQ isn't, eg.

Anyway, you are definitely owed an explanation I think - so I'd ask if you could please have one, just so you know how you stand.

squiffy Tue 05-Aug-08 10:29:23

You probably caught them at the wrong time when they sent their first text, or they probably got their fingers burned with their last nanny. Could be a dozen reasons that are nothign to do with you.

However you should mention that you are feeling upset about this to them after they've got back and had a chance to settle (don't do it the minute they walk in after stressy journey, don't let it lie for a week or so before discussing). If you don't clear the air you may carry on feeling resentful, and there breedeth the start of a downward spiral in relationship. If they are mistrustful about you, then surely it is better you know and can decide if time to move on?

SimpleAsABC Tue 05-Aug-08 11:17:20

I once caught my old Mb on an off mo when I asked if I could drop by my house to pick up my bank card and she replied, sorry no.

Turns out there had been an accident on the road or something but at the time I did wonder if I'd done something previous as we had nipped down to my area before (for lunch in cafe / the softplay / farm park)

Try not to let it bother you but it would drive me nuts.

AtheneNoctua Tue 05-Aug-08 11:30:59

I think it's rude. Could understand if you were live out. But, you live there and you can't use the barbeque?

We just went up to the Lake district for a week with the kids. Nanny had her hols same time. And she had her sister and cousin come stay at our house for the week. When she asked, I didn't even have to think about it. I said, "yes, of course". Then, I told her they could have the DCs beds.

I don't know, I think they've missed the whole welcome thy nanny into the family bit of employer training.

catepilarr Tue 05-Aug-08 11:31:40

did you speak to them? hope its all explained now!

Anchovy Tue 05-Aug-08 11:40:19

I wonder if they think you are going to have a load of friends over? That's what it sounded like to me when I read it for the first time (just because in my mind BBQ means "people round for food and drink in the garden" - so by extension "less than sober people who I don't know trampling round our house even if only to go to the loo" rather than "charcoal grilled pieces of meat to be eaten by 2 people").

I would be entirely happy with the second, but less than happy with the first without any other warning/context.

Text is bad for interpreting "meaning", IMO.

botherednanny Tue 05-Aug-08 12:21:57

I made it very clear it would just be me+my BF and anyway, they know I'm not the wild party sort, we all make jokes about how I'm always ok to babysit on a Friday night because I'm always in doing my NVQ3. So I really don't think it was a worry about that.
My BF has been in the house many times (I've always checked before he comes in) and I've cooked dinner for the both of us while babysitting too.
I think its prob too late to mention anything to her now anyway, they got back on Sunday.

blueshoes Tue 05-Aug-08 12:53:59

botherednanny, agree that when your bosses are settled, you should try to get a clarification of the ground rules. It is not fair for them to have their cake (no use of house) and eat it (but you must clean it).

On the issue of texts, knowing what you know now, you should try to avoid texting your bosses with requests after they have left. It should be prior agreement, rather than 'oh, btw ...' - not that you phrased it in that way, but a dinosaur like me would view a text like that ie rather offhand and disorientating.

I am not of the text generation and would be thrown at receiving such a text after I had left for my weekend break. Particularly if I had any concerns your bf, other guests, or the use of the house or BBQ to begin with.

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