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My CM lost the plot at me. Was I wrong?

(13 Posts)
bemusedandangry Tue 22-Jul-08 21:59:45

DD has been with her childminder for about 6 months. Everything has been ok so far except for the fact that when DD mentioned we are going to Egypt on our holidays the CM told her she wouldn't want to go herself because people bomb other people in Egypt. DD wasn't scared and I wasn't sure if she had the wrong end of the stick so I left it. DD is leaving her care in a couple of weeks anyway as our circumstances have changed so again I didn't want to rock the boat when I knew the end was in sight

CM was ill last week for a few days and I had to go to school to pick DD up. At the school she goes to if you arrive early you wait in the playground until the doors are open. The kids usually play while the adults chat. Whilst I was at the school a couple of the other mums said they were a bit concerned that the CM seems too strict with DD and does not allow her to play, but makes her stay by her. One of them actually said she really feels for my DD as she always looks so sad she is not allowed to play with her friends. I asked DD and she said she is allowed to play with some of the kids but not others.

I decided to speak to the cm about this and when I did she got really defensive saying she doesn't like one of DD's friends as in her eyes she is mean to her own DD. Tbh I have never seen a mean side to this child, and I have known her for about 5 years now. I said that if she had a problem with this child she should bring it up with the childs mum and not make my DD suffer, and that if DD wants to play she should be allowed to in a safe environment. The cm then burst into tears and shouts at me that I have ruined her day and that she is "so mad at me" for ruining it and making her feel like she is bad at her job and that if I was that bothered then I should take DD to school myself. I explained that I have to work which is why she minds DD and that if there is a problem we should both be able to be open and honest. I then mentioned the Egypt thing and she said "Well thats what happens" and could not understand why I felt that she could have scared DD unecessarily and spoilt her holiday.

She seems to have forgotten about it now but today I went into a local shop near the cm's house and near to my old house that I have not been in for at least a year. The first thing the lady in the shops says to me is "Oh, I hear DD1 is not going to be with cm anymore soon" with a cold hard stare as if I have done something terrible, which now makes me think that she has been slating me to anyone who will listen for what I said.

Was I really in the wrong for saying something? I think this cm has been incredibly unprofessional and I would like some input if possible.

AvenaLife Tue 22-Jul-08 22:04:36

I don't think that you were wrong to say this. You are paying her to care for your child so you should have a say in how she does this. She sounds very tempremental (sp?) to be honest. She shouldn't be telling your dd about the bomb risks, this is not appropriate at all, nor should she be talking about you. She does sound unprofessional.

WallOfSilence Tue 22-Jul-08 22:07:52

I don't think you did the wrong thing.

I would remove your child from her care though. ASAP.

I would feel I could no longer trust her.

MaureenMLove Tue 22-Jul-08 22:08:19

Good god! No, you are not wrong for saying something! What a completely dreadful thing to say to anyone about your holiday destination, let alone a small child in your care!

I have to admit, that I was a bit precious about my mindees leaving my side in the school playground. Its a busy place and they weren't my kids, however, she seems to have singled one child out in particular. Again, no of her business, unless you don't know the othr child at all, which clearly you do.

I think you should just try to get through the next couple of weeks, as quietly and smoothly as possible and say goodbye. You are so not in the wrong at all.

Tinker Tue 22-Jul-08 22:09:13

Agree, doesn't sound at all professional

fishie Tue 22-Jul-08 22:10:40

i don't quite understand. the lady in the shop is right, you are leaving.

of course she is unprofessional with the egypt thing and bursting into tears, but is it really worth going into at this late stage?

bemusedandangry Tue 22-Jul-08 22:12:05

Would just like to say DD was her first mindee ever so she is still learning I guess, but I am not a CM and even I know how she reacted was a bit odd and OTT to say the least. Thank god I am not in the wrong. I didn't think I was but after shop lady and her flinty eyes I started to doubt myself a bit

KaySamuels Tue 22-Jul-08 22:12:06


CM is in the wrong - you are not.

She sounds very unprofessional, if your dd is not there much longer I would just get through it and be thankful you don't need to rely on her any longer!

What a horrid thing to say to a child about to go on holiday!!! angry

bemusedandangry Tue 22-Jul-08 22:14:05

Fishie - no of course not which I why we are being all nicey nicey around each other now. I am already following Maureens advice but just wanted other peoples views as I am wanting to make sure I am not in the wrong. It has left a bit of a nasty taste in my mouth and I hate confrontation at the best of times

fishie Tue 22-Jul-08 22:19:21

yy i have reread and entirely agree with you. i was looking at it factually, but she sounds errm... not entirely suited to her job.

chloemegjess Tue 22-Jul-08 23:41:56

She sounds mad! But if she is leaving you soon and you are not concerned about anything else, it might be worth sticking it out until the end now? If you hadnt said that you were leaving her soon anyway, i would be saying get a new CM asap.

I would never say that to a child anout the bomb!!

vInTaGeVioLeT Wed 23-Jul-08 00:18:11

don't know why you are doubting yourself? she is obviously a bit unbalanced and it's a good job your dd is leaving!

love2sleep Wed 23-Jul-08 11:06:51

IME most childminders are kind sensible professional people. But some of them are complete nutters grin

Just be grateful you're leaving anyway.

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