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AP has scraped her arm and I'm feeling uncharitable. Come and knock some sense into me.

(21 Posts)
ingles2 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:30:32

I was feeling slightly uncharitable towards her today anyway,.. I've worked away this last week, AP has been at home with dh and dc's, DH said she hasn't done that much but of course he didn't pull her up angry So she hasn't done her jobs properly, Her room is disgusting and stinks. Would have got over it by tomorrow.. but anyway...
She has been away this weekend staying with friends. Just arrived home. Knocks on the door, saying have we got some painkillers and shows me her arm, which she has badly grazed. Oh dear I say what have you done. I fell over last night when I was out she says. I can't do anything and I need some pain relief. Haven't got much in the house, scrabble round for ten mins and find a couple of paracetomol. I can't do anything she repeats. Take the tablets and see how you are in the morning I say.
So the reason I'm feeling slightly grouchy is..
1/ if it was that bad, surely she would have come home this morning and we could have sorted her out, not turn up a full day later.
2/if it was that bad, surely she could have bought some pain killers today.
She's going to want tomorrow off....do I give it to her and pay as normal,? offer day off unpaid? ask her to make up hours on another day?
All a bit of a pain really as I've got the funeral of a friends baby tomorrow so you can imagine I'm not in the best of moods anyway sad
Now, ....tell me to stop being so mean and uncharitable.

nbee84 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:46:31

Give her the day off. Tell her that she needs to sort her bedroom out as the smell is permeating into the rest of the house and she now has all day to do it. Tell her she can make up the hours over the rest of the week.

This is presuming you can do without her tomorrow?

ingles2 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:54:13

I'm fine tomorrow, you're right, I'll get her to make her hours up over the week. I'm just being mean cos my periods due and I spent a good chunk of today sorting out the kids washing, ironing and cleaning the kitchen blush

ingles2 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:56:52

blush
meant to say Thanks Nbee

catepilarr Sun 20-Jul-08 20:57:44

hmm a tricky one. for the reasons you'd given i think i would want her to make up the hours if she gets the time off.(maybe she'll change her mind). i guess you should tell her what you told us that she should have sorted herself out or at least try. not a very mature attitude.

beansprout Sun 20-Jul-08 20:58:35

I hope the funeral is ok, no wonder you are feeling stressed today. smile

ingles2 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:03:56

Thanks Catepilar, beansprout....

edam Sun 20-Jul-08 21:08:37

Hope the funeral is as OK as these things ever can be. Au pair sounds bloody irritating.

ingles2 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:24:39

Thanks... I can't believe how upset I feel for this poor woman, she's not a great friend, but her son is very friendly with mine. This is a tiny village though, so we all got very used to seeing her with her bump, and we all were counting the days with her as she was so excited. It's just all so awful for both her and her son sad I can't imagine tomorrow is going to be great either sad

nbee84 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:30:00

No, you're not being mean. You just have to remember they (ap's) are young, sometimes irresponsible and don't think things through. As Cat says have a little word to her and let her know that she is a grown up now and needs to be more responsible for herself and not expect you to just pick up after her. Hopefully she will be grateful for the day off, but make it clear that her room has to be sorted out in this time.

sad for tomorrow. Hope things go smoothly.

imananny Mon 21-Jul-08 15:19:49

not uncharitable at all - its a grazed arm, not life or death!!

Tell her to grow up and put a bit of sudocream on it

Hope today went as well as can be expected ((hug))

squiffy Mon 21-Jul-08 15:24:22

Lots of sympathy for you, but not for your Au Pair. You're not her mother, and she knows what a chemists is. Hope today wasn't too draining.

SimpleAsABC Mon 21-Jul-08 16:25:10

How insensitive of your ap (that is assuming that she knew where you had to be today).

I'm sure if she'd been more worried about you and what you've to go through then you'd have been appreciative and perhaps responded with some sympathy for her arm (which I think is a bit ridiculous really).

Hope everything went ok.

ingles2 Mon 21-Jul-08 21:22:31

well, the funeral was heartbreaking........ sad
AP came to work, but is just the same as every other AP really and totally oblivious to anything else going on that doesn't directly impact on her. I think I've come to the end of the road with AP's for a while. Nothing wrong with this one particularly. I've just had enough. Time to think of another solution.
Thanks for all your support x

lisalisa Mon 21-Jul-08 21:28:57

Know the feeling ingles2. Sory to hear about the funeral too sad.

What I do now ( having got fed up awith au pairs ) is to recruit more mothers help type live ins. It is a bit more expensive - I pay £200 per week ( I'm in London) but specifically recruit for either uni students or older girls who have been here at least 2 yrs with checkable childcare refs. Tbhus I get someone of higher ( hopefully) calibre. I've never gone wrong wtih a uni student ( we live quite near a university) and I find tghat being intelligent they adapt much quicker and grasp the tasks to be done better. Also whenever I've had uni students as nannies on gap years for my younger children ( aged 2-3 - I wouldn't recommend younger as specific baby experience would be necessary) they hve really worked out well.

My dd3 was looked after by a uni student on gap yr at this age who made it her mission to teach her colours,letters and numbers etc as well as baking ( but properly - why stirring - to get air in etc) and to this day dd3 is very advanced smile.

gooseegg Mon 21-Jul-08 22:58:05

I hope you have had a better evening than yesterday after such a sad day.

You're not mean or uncharitable ingles2.

Not all aps are so self absorbed, but if you've had a run of them then I completely understand your limit.

MrsRecycle Tue 22-Jul-08 09:54:12

oh ingles sorry to hear about the funeral, how absolutely terrible. sad

You really do sound like you've had enough of APs - just like I have. I was thinking about the mother's help route when I go back to work lisalisa - glad it seems to work well for you. Someone on mumsnet recommended findababysitter.co.uk and I had a quick glance and it seems to have a lot of good candidates who don't want extortionate Nanny rates (and is free to register). So I might go this route. Mind you, we are coping remarkedly well without APs, I really don't miss them. My 10yr old and 7yr old are as good as any AP in the morning, my house is clean and tidy and I have food in the cupboard. Plus no ill children to deal with (APs were more ill than LOs). Good luck whatever you decide.

ingles2 Tue 22-Jul-08 10:46:44

Hi Mrs R smile
How are you?
tbh work is quiet at the moment, so it's probably a case of spending too much time at home with someone under my feet.
I think if things don't improve workwise for September I'll let her go.
I'll have a look at that findababysitter.... Thanks for the tip x

MrsRecycle Tue 22-Jul-08 12:59:11

I'm fine thanks ingles - I so agree about someone under your feet - you have to really "gell" with a person for them not to annoy you. That's happened a few times with some APs but sadly not recently.

Weegle Tue 22-Jul-08 15:34:39

hi Ingles

Sounds like a terrible time sad, so tragic

Things brighter today? Is she pulling her weight? Arm suddenly working ok?!

imananny Tue 22-Jul-08 19:00:49

well done for going and supporting your friend - sorry it was so heart breaking

no parent should EVER have to bury their child sad sad sad

what childcare/hours do you require ingles - maybe paying a bit more, if you can afford/manage it and get a MH or a student xx

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