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Gossiping Nanny - I have been so stupid

(31 Posts)
KatieDD Tue 15-Jul-08 22:27:56

As much as anything I wanted to warn other parents not to make the mistake I have.
My nanny has left because she's pregnant, in a foul mood all the time and her rather dominating boyfried has told her she has to. All fine but she is still working as a cleaner for somebody who's child is at school with mine.
Now for the past few weeks I have been getting odd looks from people at the gates and wondered why.
Well it's all come out today, my nanny has basically repeated all our business, over heard conversations, some true, some exaggerated. She's now not answering my calls, not texting I have had to resort to facebooking her to ask for my house keys back.
Please do not make the mistake I have and confuse a nanny for a friend, I am having to tiptoe around the neighbourhood at the moment.

KatieDD Tue 15-Jul-08 22:29:02

I should also add that I thought we'd parted on good terms, she's been back to visit and cried the day she left hmm

eandz Tue 15-Jul-08 22:29:58

ohh, this is why i only employ non english speakers. theyre cheaper and my secrets are safe.

stitch Tue 15-Jul-08 22:40:46

how completly horrible for you
tbh, if she is talking abotu you like this, she wont keep her cleaning job for long either.
discretion is possibly more important than the ability to wipe a bathroom sink

and she wont get a nanny job with anyone who has heard her gossip either.

KatieDD Tue 15-Jul-08 22:50:58

I agree but that doesn't help me and as she's pregnant anyway she doesn't want/need another job.
Little minx, I wish I could think of a way of shutting her up.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 15-Jul-08 22:55:50

Katie, dont worry she is digging her own grave. Who will employ somebody who is spreading gossip about her employers? I would approach the person you know at school and ask her if she is comfortable with employing somebody who is so lose in her mouth.

A nanny with a lock on her mouth is hard to come by, I think. And you have perhaps been a little naive. A paid help is just that.

My last au pair told me how she was shocked that when the group of nanny / au pair friends met up, they were all discussing the private business of their employers. Some even made a point of finding their bank statement and had pleasure in disclosing salaries, and other outgoings.

One nanny, who I shared with a friend, was "confiding" in me about my friends parenting techniques, and other personal business.

The thing is, such behaviour scare people off from employing you!

UniversallyChallenged Tue 15-Jul-08 23:01:29

oh you poor thing. People can be so disloyal cant they sad
How did you find out what she has been saying?

catepilarr Tue 15-Jul-08 23:03:35

omg about the statements!

KatieDD Tue 15-Jul-08 23:07:58

The financial stuff is what has been discussed, we've had some credit problems, actually not our fault but a CCJ that got as far as bailifts knocking the door, my explaining the issue, going back to court and it being resolved, nobody expect me, DH and nanny who opened the door to them knew about it and that is being discussed in hushed voices by my "friends" at the school gate, they are just as bad of course and loving it, but anyway.
I'm just worried sick what else will come out, all this after we took her to florida on our holiday this year which we could hardly afford and she didn't work just joined in with the family holiday, i feel like i've been stabbed in the back.

navyeyelasH Tue 15-Jul-08 23:25:27

Hi KatieDD I just wanted to say how horrible this must be for you but please do not tar all nannies with the same brush, same for you QuintessentialShadows.

On parent I work for has let me down realy badly and I ^would not dream^ of saying anything horrid about her even though I am particularly cross.

At the end of the day what comes around goes around so your ex nanny will get her comeuppance at some point and the other parents need to grow up a little everyone has £ troubles at some point especially in the current climate. If the worst thing they have to say about you is that a bailiff came round then that's pretty good going. Your obviously a wonderful mum, with a wonderful personality and a wonderful family if that is the worst she could come up with!

xx

navyeyelasH Tue 15-Jul-08 23:28:27

Oh and also I have a few nanny friends and none of them would even think to do such a rude and terrible thing RE bank statements!

I can't even bring myself to go in my employers bedroom (sometimes need to put her washing on bed as gets mixed up with children's in airing cupboard) let alone ferret around for deeply personal information and then brag about the fact! What despicable nannies angry

MindingMum Wed 16-Jul-08 11:25:21

On Katie, you must feel violated, that is horrible. To be honest though, I think people will think worse of her than of you.

You had some money issues, who doesn't? She on the other hand was privy (sp) to some personal information which she announced to one and all - dispicable angry

MindingMum Wed 16-Jul-08 11:41:24

navyeyelasH - I know what you mean, when I was a Nanny many moons ago, I wouldn't go in employers bedroom either. If I found anything that needed putting away in their room, I would make a neat pile of it and put it outside their door.

When the post arrived, I would pick it up and put it on the sideboard without looking at it even though there was often post for me in the pile.I would wait for MB to give it to me when they got home.

These sort of people don't deserve others loyalty

itati Wed 16-Jul-08 12:12:40

It is just as much about people who are choosing to believe the nanny's gossip imo.

SimpleAsABC Wed 16-Jul-08 12:28:09

Oh dear, as a nanny I find this pretty difficult to swallow.

I feel awful for you KatieDD, there is really no need for her to spread personal details, ie the bank stuff / baliffs. This is PERSONAL and should stay like that.

On occasion I have asked nanny friends for advice on aspects of my job which I think, so long as my bosses confidentiality is maintained, is o.k. I try my hardest not to be judgemental and not to be derogatory in anyway. As whether or not I need advice on any concerns, my boss is paying my wages at I would be stuck without her.

I think at the end of the day there are some nannies, thankfully many would though, who don't think twice before repeating personal / financial information giving no thought to the after affects (which are often worse than in any other job, as if a relationship has been built up then feelings end up hurt too).

Personally I have no idea how you could "shut her up" but would be wary of adding fuel to the fire and giving her more to talk about. I'd find it really difficult to do but think the best thing to do would be to let her gossip, she'll run out of steam eventually and perhaps when she is a mum herself, and comes across a similar situation, she'll realise how silly she's been.

I doubt that's of any help to you at the moment though!

paros Wed 16-Jul-08 12:44:51

you could always start a rumour about her lol .

itati Wed 16-Jul-08 12:49:30

Don't do that, you will be sinking to her level.

itati Wed 16-Jul-08 12:49:31

Don't do that, you will be sinking to her level.

itati Wed 16-Jul-08 12:52:03

Oops. Twitch in bad arm. Sorry.

imananny Wed 16-Jul-08 13:41:41

oh katie - so sorry to hear that your nanny cant keep confidental info to herself sad

it people like her who give us good nannies a bad name angry

also sad that your so called friends are enjoying the gossip, its prob no consolation to you but it will blow over, and you will know who your real friends you can trust in the future

maybe a short note via a solicter to her, reminding her of her confidality clause(sp) might be in order

the fact she is not answering your calls proves that she knows she is in the wrong

SimpleAsABC Wed 16-Jul-08 14:50:54

Yep, I agree. She may even feel bad by now. Not that that is particularly helpful to you tho!

HarrietTheSpy Wed 16-Jul-08 16:32:10

When I hear your comments I really despair. I have posted about this before but our first nanny was incredibly rude about us to other mothers at the preschool where my daughter goes. Her topics were our parenting skills, notably our potty training track record. Just the sort of thing you need when you're trying to work full time and parent, have just been through an ectopic pregnany, etc to have your parenting skills disected by your nanny with strangers. Note she had never shared any concerns WITH US, just saved it for gossiping.Sorry sorry for the hijack - I just wanted you to know you were not alone.

I wish I could tell you we got our own back. She did leave us in the end and part of me would LOVE to be asked for a reference...verbal only of course wink. But I doubt that will happen - in both our cases.

Fadge Thu 17-Jul-08 14:20:51

Katie, did she sign a confidentiality agreement? A stern letter from a solicitor could shut her up

KatieDD Thu 17-Jul-08 16:13:39

I wish i'd done that, but she told me a previous employer had done that and still went on to tell me all about their affairs etc. What a numpty I have been. Well i've deleted her from facebook and got my key back so that's all sorted, just everybody else learn from me and keep your secretes safe.

JannaT Sat 19-Jul-08 17:37:40

I'm a nanny too and just want to let parents know that we are not all like that. I have done jobs where I have seen opened post left on the breakfast table but I always just tidy it away and don't look at it. If I did see something I would certainly not discuss it infront of anyone.

As other nannies on here have also said, I don't even like going in parents bedrooms as that feels like I'm invading their privacy (even though they are not in it at the time of course!)

I have witnessed arguments between parents, overheard conversations (not on purpose it should be added) and all sorts but I would never discuss it with other people. My advice would be obviously be as discreet as you need to be but remember that most nannies respect their employers privacy and don't go around gossiping about their employers.

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