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CM Club: Guilt/angst/pushover?

(30 Posts)
KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 20:26:51

Do you ever feel pressured into taking a child because the parent is desperate?

I have done it again, hours I don't want to work because someone is stumped/in trouble

I wish I had more will power - but I always give in

abba1772 Tue 08-Jul-08 20:33:09

i'm a pushover too i always give in lol

KaySamuels Tue 08-Jul-08 20:34:32

I think we are all like this katymac grin

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 20:38:15

WHy though

It often (in my case) involves SN or difficult to handle children - is it pride (or there is another word that means something slightly different....I'll remember it soon) or pigheadedness

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 20:40:02

Is the word Hubris?

MindingMum Tue 08-Jul-08 20:43:35

oh Katy, bless you.

I have done it in the past but it has made me sooo miserable I've learnt my lesson and won't again.

For two years I've had a mindee who's hours were too long and it made minding her a chore. I don't believe in giving notice just because things don't suit you so I've ambled along and put up and shut up.

A month ago her mum asked to increase her hours again and I was brave and said no. Mum threatened to terminate the contract if i didn't give her the hours she wanted and I just said "ok"

This obviously wasn't the answer she was expecting, but I served notice stating that I could no longer commit to the hours and the children did their last day yesterday and it feels great.

I've made a promise to myself to decide what days/hours i want to work and wait for a mindee to fit the bill even though the drop of earnings will be awful.

I've turned down 4 offers of work over the last month because i don't ever want to be in that position again.

i hope it turns out ok Katy, why weren't you able to say that you would do it until they found someone else?

KaySamuels Tue 08-Jul-08 20:46:43

I have done that too mindingmum taking on hours that are too long, and I have ambed along too trying not to show how tired I am, my contract finishes in a fortnight tho and I will genuinely miss mindee!

I think most people working in caring professions can be too soft, I am definately a 'yes' person and usually kick myself afterwards.

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 20:47:08

That is what I have agreed to. But my big issue is what if I can make life better for this little one?

I was given a list/chart that the school & old CMer used & it was all
'I intentionally hurt someone'
'I was rude'
'I didn't listen'

I think if you set a child up to fail they will - in a couple of days I will start a positive sticker chart & see how it goes.

navyeyelasH Tue 08-Jul-08 20:50:24

And it's not just CMs this is confined to - I'm a nanny too and often find myself doing stuff I really don't want to be doing because I am a pushover!

I wish I could stand up for myself a bit more - in all other situations I can but parents who are stuck always make you feel sooooon guilty!

MindingMum Tue 08-Jul-08 20:55:15

'yes ' person no more here grin
And I won't feel guilty. Someone said to me today that when your own children are little "Childminding has to work for you, not the other way round" - very wise words I think

KaySamuels Tue 08-Jul-08 20:58:34

You may find a positive approach turns things around katymac.

I have taken on a mindee in a simlar situation and he had very low self esteem, didn't like how everyone viewed him and so on. Having someone there to listen and to accept him really turned things around for him. smile The only reason I never gave notice was that I didn't want him to feel rejected!

KaySamuels Tue 08-Jul-08 20:59:50

You are right MM, I would never work early mornings again or weekends which I did when I first started minding, if family life is suffering it's not worth it.

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 21:00:48

Well DD is nearly not sure really

We will see how it goes

But finishing at 8 is not ideal imo

MindingMum Tue 08-Jul-08 21:08:13

Yes kay we are wiser now - been there, done that.

Katy shock at 8pm what were you thinking?

KaySamuels Tue 08-Jul-08 21:11:35

mine was 8pm too KM

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 21:12:45

I'm thinking I am completely broke

MindingMum Tue 08-Jul-08 21:16:44

oh yes, well there is that too. The fees for the children I have just said goodbye to were £1200 a month so major money problems here but even that wouldn't make me work those hours again.

KatyMac Tue 08-Jul-08 21:22:26

It's crap isn't it

KatyMac Wed 09-Jul-08 21:44:31

Day 2 & I think I regret it

KaySamuels Wed 09-Jul-08 21:47:57

oh dear sad

if it is not going to work best to cancel sooner rather than later

do you have settling in period on contract?

KatyMac Wed 09-Jul-08 21:49:47

Yes - I have agreed up to next Friday

I have asked some of the others to help me - we will see

KaySamuels Wed 09-Jul-08 21:51:08

other staff?

KatyMac Wed 09-Jul-08 21:52:22

Yep - I can share it round (if they want the extra money)

It would be cheaper if I do it - but 12.5 hrs 5 days a week is a bit crap tbh

KaySamuels Wed 09-Jul-08 22:01:37

It would tire you out eventually doing long days like that 5 times a week. I do them but not every day like that, and my days will be shorter soon.

Hope things improve

KatyMac Wed 09-Jul-08 22:03:47


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