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When do first anxieties about being left start to ease?

(7 Posts)
mummylonglegs Thu 27-Jan-05 21:19:54

Dd 2.3 has had her first couple of sessions solo with the childminder, just an hour yesterday and 3 today. She seemed to cope well, didn't cry when I left and was ok when there. This afternoon she's been quite clingy and demanding which I expected and I've been super vigilant and reassuring. But tonight she's screamed for nearly 2 hours at bedtime and eventually stumbled out the sentence 'if i sleep mummy won't come back.' You can imagine how shit I feel about that. All of this I do expect to a degree but I wondered about your experiences and how long it might take before she feels a bit more confident about me leaving her.

mummylonglegs Thu 27-Jan-05 22:13:00


KatieMac Thu 27-Jan-05 22:17:55

I don't know my DD didn't act like this....we have quite an extended family and is used to being left at just 2 I took her to nursery (not 'cos I was working just 'cos it was good for her) and she said OK Mummy you can go now.

I don't think any of my childminding children have done this either (but that is a very small sample) so I can't offer any advise.


Uwila Fri 28-Jan-05 10:03:03

I think 2.3 is pretty old to expect a quick adjustment. She's old enough to know what's going on and old enough to demonstrate it. I think she's probably testing her limits. My personal view would just be to reassure her that you are coming back, and then of course show up when you said you would. She will learn that you do come back. But, I would think at that age a couple of weeks or so tantrums to protest the new routine are probably fair game for a 2 year old.

I went back to work full time when DD was VERY young, so we never really experienced this trauma. By the time she was old enough to realise I was leaving, she was well accustomed to the childminder.

All in all, I think it's normal, and probably more painful for you than her. Good luck! It's really hard to leave your child when they make you feel guilty. But, you may find that if you are the strong one, she will settle just fine but needs a bit of time to adjust.

mummylonglegs Fri 28-Jan-05 10:41:24


She's not upset when I leave her, she just happily says goodbye, it seems to be later on that her anxieties are showing. Do you think that's just a normal stage to go through?

Uwila Fri 28-Jan-05 10:46:15

Definitely. She needs some time to adjust. It is certainly normal for a 2 year old to exibit some frustration with the uncertainy of a new routing. I think positive encouragement and some time will do her just fine.

mummylonglegs Fri 28-Jan-05 14:10:46

It's weird but I think I'd handle tantrums etc. better than the kind of hopeless crying she's been doing. Although dd's not really a tantrummy child so far, she's a bit more of a 'drama queen' or 'drama princess' as she corrects me!

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