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Advice needed please from other childminders/carers

(22 Posts)
Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 13:21:04

Hello, I'm new on here and could do with some advice. I don't know if I'm being over-the-top and find it hard to know how to phrase things without causing offence.
I've been looking after a little girl,nearly 2,for the last year or so. Her parents are very 'anti-medicines/injections' etc.
She is always very poorly, for at least the last 6 months,although I know it is winter,but she has had a very bad cold for severeal months that has not shifted and she is congested and coughing a lot. She now has conjunctivitis which her parents have not seen a doctor for, they say it will clear on it's own. Does anyone know if this is true and if so how long it would take? I don't have her 1 week out of every 4 due to her parents work, so haven't had her this week. I am not sure whether to allow her back next week. I can not insist she has seen a doctor can I,before taking her back, if they chose not to use doctors?
Really at a loss now, if it was just the cold and cough would probably take her, just don't know what to do. Am I out of line? I have other children I look after, including a 8 month old baby on same days I have her, and my grown up daughter has a newborn baby who is here a lot.
Just find the whole situation quite awkward, in some ways, wish I could put an end to my contract, I know that sounds terrible, just don't know what to do. It's very delicate, as my daughter's husband works for father of this child.
Can any one advice me please?
Thank you.

galaxy Wed 12-Jan-05 13:23:55

Not a childminder but conjunctivitis is highly contagious and I wouldn't take my dd to the childminder if she had it. Think it's selfish of them. You have a duty of care to your other mindees and I'm sure they wouldn't be happy about it.

Good luck with it !

Bozza Wed 12-Jan-05 13:32:31

Rule at our nursery for conjunctivitis is that they have to be on the cream/eye drops 24 hours before they are allowed back. I know because DD was off with it last week despite being totally bubbly and fine in herself. Don't really see why a childminder should be any different. Would be more concerned about your newborn grandchild than the 8mo regarding this I think.

TBH though if I kept DD off for cough/cold I would have lost my job by now. She's had one after another since starting nursery in October and would probably only keep her off for a bad cough. She's also had tummy bugs which I've kept her off for.

ssd Wed 12-Jan-05 13:46:48

To be honest Jean,if the parents don't even half heartedly try to come round to your way of thinking I think you'll need to end this contract.Of course everyone is different and the parents have every right to follow their beliefs but if they are sending their child to a childminder they must realise you have a responsibility to more kiddies than theirs and try to "work" with you more IYSWIM.

I had to terminate a contract a while ago and I feel much better.The c/m and the parents must both have the same fundamental beliefs or can agree to differ if everyone still benefits.But you don't sound happy and I don't blame you.You must be content with what you're doing and not feel pressured as there is the working connection, you must look out for yourself first, this isn't selfish, if you aren't happy this may put you off childminding altogether and you won't want that

amynnixmum Wed 12-Jan-05 14:00:49

Hi Jean, Welcome to mn. I agree with ssd that you may need to reconsider whether you continue looking after this child. I think I would be inclined to go with what Bozza's nursery do and tell the parents that you cannot look after her until she has been on the treatment for 24 hours. I have a pamphlet that I send out to interested parents and in there its states my policy on caring for sick children etc. That way they know before they even come for a visit and a chat the way I do things. No matter how easy going you are there are some people who you are just not going to be able to work with.

Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 14:24:54

Thank you for your replies. I really would like to end this contract as it is making me quite stressed, especially as the little one is always poorly and I can't do anything or give her anything to help her. They are nice people, and because my son in law works for the father I don't want to cause any trouble. Can anyone help me with a way I can word this without causing offence?
I will take her back next week, once I have checked she has had drops, but pretty sure they won't take her, does anyone know if conjunctivitis would clear up on it's own?
I have just been ready some of the old messages on here and I've now worried myself sick because she has not had any of her injections. I thought that because the others I look after had had there's, they could not catch any of those infections, but apparently MMR and the other injections do not always work and they could be able to still catch things, is this true?
Worried about my grandson aswell, he is just over a month old and hasn't had any of his yet.
I was silly to take this child in the first place really, but didn't ask about injections until after, she started very part time, my son is law recommended me.

Bozza Wed 12-Jan-05 14:33:09

info on conjuntivitis HTH

Also the 8mo will not have had the MMR yet as well as your grandson.

Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 14:44:15

Thank you Bozza, have just read that, very interesting. I will have to be very strict about hygiene, I am anyway, but I will have to wash any flannels and towels she uses each time. It does say that it will clear up on it's own in a few weeks but it must not be very nice for her in the mean time I should think.
You are right about the 8 mth old, I know he has had the first 3, at 8wks/12wks/16wks but not the MMR yet.
I'm so silly - I should have checked with them before what they did for injections/medicines then I wouldn't have got in this situation.
Oh well, we live and learn.

KateandtheGirls Wed 12-Jan-05 14:51:48

When my daughter was at a childminders, she had to have all her immunisations up to date, and I would never have dreamed of taking her there if she had something infectious like conjunctivitus (and the childminder wouldn't have accepted her).

The parents' philosophy on doctors, immunisations, etc. is their business, but they can't expect someone else to care for their child in that case. JMO

Bozza Wed 12-Jan-05 14:56:23

Sounds like it has been a learning experience for you Jean. I just posted that link because I found it useful myself. Have been careful with the separate flannels and towels for DS and DD myself.

Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 14:57:21

Thank you Kate, it is very nice to get some support. I have found it very difficult as they are nice people and the little girl is lovely, but I just can't get round their way of thinking. She is poorly and not very happy more often than not and I have other minded kids and grandson to think about.
Can you help me with how to word this without offending them? Shall I say I'm not minding anymore or have been offered another child for more hours? Very awkward as they will know if I am lying as son in law works for the father and they will see me out and about

KateandtheGirls Wed 12-Jan-05 14:59:55

Do you think that you can say that you have been considering the situation and realised that you can't care for a child who doen't have their immunisations or receive medicine when you think they should, because she is putting the other children at risk? Make it clear that you respect their beliefs and decisions, and love their daughter and will be sorry to see her go.

grumpyfrumpy Wed 12-Jan-05 15:00:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 15:05:47

Thank you, yes, I will have to just be honest as to my reasons, it is silly to lie really, I'm just being a coward, I hate upsetting people.
I will look into the list from the health authority.
Thank you everybody, it is nice to know I am not being over-the-top

KateandtheGirls Wed 12-Jan-05 15:09:16

Definitely not over the top. You're being too nice! (Although I appreciate the difficulty that the father being your son in law's boss brings to the situation.)

noddyholder Wed 12-Jan-05 15:11:55

I think you should be honest and say that as a childminder you have a duty to the other parents to ensure that all children are up to date with imm's etc Give them a few days to get themselves straight and they should accept that

ssd Wed 12-Jan-05 16:13:25

Jean, how about saying all of the other parents have been complaining to you that they are worried their child may get the conjunctivitis and also as the child isn't immunised you have had to tell the other parents this (and any prospective parents who come to you) and some are now considering withdrawing their kids from you, therefore you will reluctantly have to terminate the contract as having this child is starting to threaten your business.

Is that any good?

alibubbles Wed 12-Jan-05 19:00:36

Haven't time to read all the thread at the moment. so will come back later, but for now:-

Not all conjunctivitis is infectious, and to exclude a child that has not been immunised is discrimination. Nurseries are not allowed to do this and it is a breach of cinfidentiality to tell other parents any information about a child in your care, so be careful about that.

I have had two children in my care that were not immunised and I got whooping cough, even though I have been immunised and had boosters in the last 5 years, and had to tell the parents.

Immunisation does not mean immunity, my DD had to have another BCG prior to going to Peru as I felt as though her scar was so small, it concerned me, she was heaf tested and was not immune. We have been living with a false sense of security for the past 4 years!

I think you are unhappy with the family and you must do what is best for yuou else you will not be able to give the other children in your care your full atention as you are fretting and anxious.

It is not easy 'terminating'and can cause all sorts of problems, but if it is the right thibng to so, it will all come right in the end. I know I have been there!

KateandtheGirls Wed 12-Jan-05 20:05:42

I didn't know that alibubbles. Here in the US you have to provide proof of immunisations to get into any nurseries or daycares.

KatieMac Wed 12-Jan-05 20:19:20

Alibubbles is right about the discrimination and the confidentiality....and what she says about immunisations makes sence (if I remember my many years ago)

It a horrid situation Jean - one of mine has just given notice and I gave such a sigh of relief.....even tho' I'll be losing money.

Good luck resolving this situation...I'll be thinking of you.

Jean1958 Wed 12-Jan-05 21:26:38

Thank you very much for the advice. It's really made me think things over. I'm still not comfortable about the injection thing, I do feel responsible and blame myself as I should have checked all this before, I would never forgive myself if my grandson or one of the other children caught an infection. I assumed that if they had had there's they couldn't catch anything. What is the point in so many mums going for injections thinking there little ones are going to be safe if there not completely effective? It's very worrying.
I have decided to carry on having her,alibubbles,thank you for informing me about the discrimination and confidentially I really had not thought about it like that. It is my fault really, if I had checked this out before I would not have got myself in to this situation.
I will see how things go with the conjunctivitis,if it's not always catching, and they haven't been to a doctor, I will have no way of knowing what kind it is and will just have to be very careful with hygiene.
Thank you for all your advice and kind words.

SofiaAmes Wed 12-Jan-05 21:56:30

Immunisations are mandatory in the usa, they are not in the uk. I however, would not send my child to a childminders where I knew that the other children were not immunized. I checked with the other mothers at the childminders whether their children had been immunized and if they had not been immunized I would have found alternate childcare....I would not have asked the childminder to terminate the contract of the other children.
Having said that, Jean1958 most childhood colds and illnesses clear up perfectly well without medicine. My ds got quite a few bouts of conjuctivitis which mostly did clear up on their own, however, he did get one lot which infected him so badly then when I finally brought him to a&e, they told me off for leaving it so long as it had endangered his eyes. Maybe if she still has the conjunctivitis when she's back you could suggest that they take her to see the gp as it doesnt seem to have cleared up and could pose a risk to her vision if left for too long.
As far as the injections go, that's between you and your daughter.

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