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What have I done so wrong?

(15 Posts)
chel86 Fri 28-Sep-07 16:30:02

My heart is just not in to my childminding at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids and I still get enjoyment out of seeing them learn and grow, but my head is in another place.

And I know that it's because of the c**p that's been landed on me. Last Friday I found out I had lost my baby at 11 weeks. Devastated doesn't begin to describe. Now, a week on, I've just found out my FIL has had a stroke and is in hospital. So more devastating news. DH is in shock I think and he's thinking about driving up to him tomorrow (we're in MK. FIL outside of Glasgow), which I think is a good idea.

But when is this going to stop? What have we done so wrong to deserve this? And they say it comes in 3's - what next? This isn't exactly losing a tenner and the freezer breaking down is it?

I feel so demotivated at the moment. Someone tell me it's going to get better

dustystar Fri 28-Sep-07 16:34:19

Thankfully bad things don't always come in threes so hopefully you've had your share for now. It does always seem to happen at once though doesn't it. So sorry to hear about your MC. I lost my first baby at about the same stage. How badly effected is FIL? Lots of people have a full recovery from strokes.

NAB3 Fri 28-Sep-07 16:36:27

I know just how you feel. In the last 6 years we have had 3 risky pregnancies, lost 2 babies, had medical problems with our DD and 3 emergency hospital trips, had to get solicitor involved in a family matter and seek legal advice on two other things. We have also had 5 family deaths.

It will get better. It just takes time. Take stock and don't make nay rash decisions.

I hope your DH and FIL are okay.

Take time to grieve for your baby.

chel86 Fri 28-Sep-07 16:39:41

I don't have much news yet. All I know is that he's in hospital, he can only move his left arm as far as his chest and he can't talk. I don't know anyone who's had a stroke, I don't know what to expect or what happens.

I'm surrounded by 7 kids at the moment and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.

dustystar Fri 28-Sep-07 16:41:22

The most important thing with a stroke is quick intervention. Don't worry too much about him not talking - thats quite common in the early stages of recovery.

looneytune Fri 28-Sep-07 16:44:59

Oh {{{ hugs }}}, it's horrible when it all happens at once isn't it I thought I was having a tough couple of weeks but it's more lots and lots of smaller things but I've been a bit like that, wanting to curl up into a ball.

I'm so sorry about your loss, I wasn't childminding when I went through mine, can't imagine having to put on that brave face! How long ago did this happen? Have you had time off to grieve?

As for the stroke, I'm sorry about that too but as someone else said, don't worry too much about the speech, that's normal. My grandad couldn't come to my sister's wedding because he had a stroke and was numb down one side and couldn't talk. This was about 9 yrs ago and he's fine, he's been fine for years.

Fingers crossed your FIL is ok and please take time to think of yourself and your loss. Do the parents know?

Shoshable Fri 28-Sep-07 17:00:54

In November 1991, my Mom died after a long batle with brest cancer, on the 12th Dec my daughter lost her battle at two days old, and at Christmas my husband walked out for a 16 year old, who was pg by him.

I thought my world had cme to a end, but I still had Ds to crry on for.

Now all these yeasr later I can look back, and no things did get better, not quickly, and not easily, but it did.

Time does help. but time does ke so long.

my heart goes out to you love.

chel86 Fri 28-Sep-07 21:02:23

Oh Shosh & NAB3, I'm sorry for your losses and bad times.

I spent 5 days worried I was mc but the GP and hospital couldn't get me in for a scan any earlier. On day 6, last Friday, I had the scan and they confirmed the mc. I took last Wed to Fri off, then had the weekend, but started work again this monday. I couldn't afford to take more time off, and wanted to get back to normal. So I haven't really had time to grieve I suppose

angipoo Fri 28-Sep-07 21:51:55

just want to send you a big hug and lots of comfort.things seem crap now and might do for a while but crap does get better eventually...all you have to do is hang on in there hun....xxxx

NAB3 Sat 29-Sep-07 13:30:05

I am so sorry to hear you have lost your baby. I have lost 2 so understand how you feel. It will take some time and take all the time you need. Be kind to yourself.

dmo Sat 29-Sep-07 15:16:40

think you should have some time off sick
can you do this?? i know its hard but if you carry on working you might have a breakdown and be off a hell of a long time

chel86 Sat 29-Sep-07 18:55:14

I can take time off sick, but I just feel like I'm letting the parents down, and it's a lot of my income I have to pay back. One of the mindee's mum's is brilliant - really understanding. She refused to take any reimbursement back from me for the 3 days I had off the last week. But the other parent, I can't work her out. If I have time off, it's a huge inconvenience to her, which I guess it is, but she makes this known. And while I am more than happy to reimburse fees paid for time off sick, she turns it in to a drama. And what would I do with my time off? I'm not one of these people who can sit and relax. I have to do things. Maybe that's my problem.

Well DH has just left for Scotland for a couple of nights. I'm staying here with the kids, mainly because we can't take them and can't find a sitter for the Monday, but I also can't take more time off at the moment.

Shoshable Sat 29-Sep-07 19:07:11

chel love are you getting any counselling? I you feel you cant take time off, what about contacting the Miscarriage Assoc. they are brilliant.

Or speak to your doc about seeing someone. You need to grieve properly.

chel86 Sat 29-Sep-07 21:23:32

I spoke to my GP before the mc becaue I got really bad PND with my 2 previous babies and was really worried about getting it this time. He said he was going to refer me to a professional to talk to, and I'm still waiting for the referral letter. I know I need to talk to someone, and I'm one of those people who can talk quite easily to strangers and it does help me. I haven't seen my GP since the mc though. I'm assuming he knows about it, that the hospital have told him.

Shoshable Sat 29-Sep-07 21:29:56

try here love www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

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