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CM Club: how long to settle in?

(9 Posts)
nicm Tue 04-Sep-07 13:54:34


was just wondering how long you give a child before you decide that they just won't settle? have had a mindee in the past who just wouldn't settle and have had a toddler on a 6 week trial and they still hasn't settled, and don't want the same thing to happen again.

have spoken to cm advisor and she has said i should just tell them it's not working out but feel really bad for the family.

feel sorry for the poor child too as they look so upset all day any advice greatly recieved.

MaureenMLove Tue 04-Sep-07 13:59:04

Hi, is he full time with you?

nicm Tue 04-Sep-07 14:54:05

hi sorry was on the school run there, no he's here 2 days a week, but have met with them the other days for an hour or so. knows what is happening though so when mum says shes going or when his dad turns into the drive the tears start . i think after 6 weeks though there should be some improvement!!?? the only time he's settled is when he's on his own- 10 mins today!! maybe a busy cm isn't what he needs- 11 kids over the week and loads of school runs, etc. but cm's here are all really busy, so doubt she'd find someone with just him- even in the mornings.

am off on another school run now so will check back after.


Shoshable Tue 04-Sep-07 15:04:42

sounds like he needs one to one, although IMO that dosnt do them any favours in the long run as eventually they all go to school and have to mingle then.

How old is the mindee, I had a little girl who came to me at 2 having never been away from mum ever, she is the only child I have come close to giving notice to, as she cried continually, which wasn't fair on her, me or certainly the other mindees.

Eventually at about 6 weeks she just stopped,, and decided that she would play, there has been no looking back now 6 she is at school, a beautiful, social, well rounded little girl.

hennipenni Tue 04-Sep-07 15:11:18

I remember one set of parents who decided that after only 2 days of their DS starting that he wasn't going to settle as he cried on both days so they removed him!

MaureenMLove Tue 04-Sep-07 16:06:34

My current baby mindee was exactly the same. Only 2 days a week, so its going to take much longer to settle, as over the course of 6 weeks, I'd only actually had her for less than 2 weeks. I used to have to tell people in the playground not to look at her, because she would just start crying! Like Shoshable, one day, she just suddenly stopped crying. Now, I can't get her to stop smiling long enough to get her food in her mouth! I'd give it a little bit longer, if, as you say you had a break though for 10 minutes today. Thats how it happened for me. She was perfectly happy, if I wasn't looking at her or talking to her, but as soon as I interacted with her she screamed! She's an absolute dream now.

nicm Tue 04-Sep-07 16:51:11

hmm. thanks for your advice, just not sure with this one though, he seems a tough one to crack! he's 17 months which i don't think helps in that he's that wee bit older and knows he's being left, not like a baby who really doesn't mind as long as you feed and play with them. will let you's know what happens. thanks xx

mogs0 Tue 04-Sep-07 19:03:38

I totally sympathise! One of my mindees has been with me for 8 months and still cries!! She only comes once a week and it's not so much a "settling in" problem, it's just the way she is!! She's happy when she's eating but cries as soon as you stop feeding her (even if she's had enough!). She cries as soon as she wakes up. After 8 months I've learned to follow certain routines to keep the opportunity for crying to a minimum. The one thing that I know she always likes is being out in the pushchair which is fine because I like to be out a lot anyway.

Also, my first mindee was a big cryer for about 6 months then almost overnight he changed and is now the loveliest boy! His problem was lack of sleep and once that was fixed he was like a different child!!

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted!!

mothermirabelle Tue 04-Sep-07 19:32:51

So glad I saw this thread as I'm going through something similar at the moment. 1 yr old mindee started a few weeks ago, with me 3 days per week. Poor child has been in a terrible state. Very, very upset when parents go...hysterical in fact...and I don't seem to have any way of calming the child down at the moment. I really do sympathise nicm!
Like some of you have said, the child I have calms down when out and about in pushchair, car or at the park (and is happy when eating) but the minute we get to my house the hysteria starts again. I am just grinning and bearing is at the mo as feel its early days but I am dreading tomorrow! Nicm - I guess its really up to you as to how long you can stand the child being upset for. Some of the CMinders here have persevered for months and it has paid off (which is wondrful when it does)...but at the end of the day you're the one who has to put up with it. If you don't feel comfortable or child is upsetting others because they are so distressed (lets not forget its also pretty distressing for us childminders when children are like this as we're on our own, moreorless, trying to deal with them all day!) then perhaps this arrangement is not right for you...or the child.

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