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Should I ask...

(8 Posts)
mummykench Mon 27-Aug-07 19:29:24

About the father? Am taking a single mom's kid. Surely I need to know if there is a father about and if he has access or if there are problems? I know all about collecting children and passwords and such like but there's been no mention of a father so far. Also the kid is 4 and will be there at the meeting - so would need to be discreet?! Please reply before tomorrow morning because that's when she's coming round to sign everything!

Jacqui xx

flowerybeanbag Mon 27-Aug-07 19:33:34

Don't have any experience of CMs etc but I would say yes you do need to know, but don't bring it up in front of the kids, you don't know what complicated situations/non-existent father scenario there might be.
Presumably it's something which shouldn't affect the signing etc so you could ring her afterwards or something?

Katymac Mon 27-Aug-07 19:33:44

If you are using the NCMA contracts then there is a box for it

You need to clarify it - what if dad turns up to collect one day, you need it in writing either to allow the child to go or to keep the child there

You can do this on the child record form by asking about the dads details (there is a space) or on p1 of the contract (conact & access)

glucose Mon 27-Aug-07 19:42:01

If you are totally sure from what she has told you about pass words/collecting etc that Dad is never going to turn up to collect then I would leave it for the moment. If you are not sure call her tonight, explaining you dont want to ask in front of her child, but for safety you needed to be sure if it was ever likely Dad would arrive at your door.
She is trusting you with her child, if she gets offended by you asking for the purpose of ensuring her child's safety then I'd take it as a bad sign
Good luck!

mummykench Mon 27-Aug-07 19:51:57

Sorry, I wasn't clear; when I said I know all about passwords and collecting, I meant I know about the theory of it all - haven't talked to her about it at all yet! I will try and distract the son with some meaningful activity!

Thanks for your rapid responses!

glucose Mon 27-Aug-07 20:12:00

The son will probably reveal all in a very short space of time any way. One child I minded would give me blow by blow accounts of her single mum's love life

eleusis Tue 28-Aug-07 08:12:55

You could add a question on the forms that asks if anyone else is authorised to collect the child in her absence?

ayla99 Tue 28-Aug-07 08:31:03

Its awkward but you must ask. Sometimes dads don't take much part in the choosing of the childcarer - one mum I thought was a single mum I discovered was happily married when she filled in my forms. And one child I thought was an only child had 2 grown up half-sisters living abroad. When they come for interview, I'm now much nosier than I used to be. I ask about the child's home life & who they live with - siblings, pets & parents.

If you make fathers day gifts/cards as an activity, for example if a child's father is deceased or they don't have contact you'll need to see if the child can send one to another close relative or friend of the family.

If a parent turns up to collect the child you are legally obliged to comply unless there is a court order to the contrary. Obviously if you've never met them you should ask for proof of id you can also ask them for proof of parental responsibility. But you need a copy of any relevant court order and details of anyone who has parental responsibility. I've now amended my forms to include a tickbox against each parent to say whether they have parental responsibility (a new partner, for example living in the household may not have parental responsbility) and a separate box to ask if there is anyone else who has parental responsiblity for the child (in case of absent parent).

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