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Have just found out my teenage holiday childminder is meeting her friends while looking after ds. Hmmm.

(29 Posts)
FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:25:29

What do you think? He has only just mentioned it and she is due to look after him again today. It's only for 1.5 hours and he says he had a good time, but it was not really what I had planned when I asked her to do it. I am paying her £5 an hour.

I am inclined to leave it, as she is only looking after him a couple more times for me this summer, and he said it was fun, but do you think I am being unreasonable to be a bit about it? One of the friends is completely dappy and I wouldn't trust her with a hamster let alone a child. I just wonder if their attention is completely on ds while they are together. Hmm.

MaloryTowersHasManners Fri 10-Aug-07 09:26:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch Fri 10-Aug-07 09:27:18

Yes, agree, depends on where, how old your ds is etc.

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:28:21

No, she has to pick him up from me at work, and drop him back to me 1.5 hours later. I told her to just go to the park with him, it isn't near enough for her to go home with him. So he is climbing and stuff (old ruins) and I really need her to be watching him carefully.

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:28:34

He is 4.

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:29:17

Oh they did go to the park btw, she just met her friends there. It must have been planned, I don't believe her two best friends just happened to be walking past.

WideWebWitch Fri 10-Aug-07 09:29:31

Tell her she needs to be very careful, as she is RESPONSIBLE for him. I think she's entitled to meet a friend as long as they are watching him VERY carefully.

Beetroot Fri 10-Aug-07 09:29:34

Just mention that you are happy for her to meet her mate but please please be aware that she needs to keep a close eye on your ds.

Beetroot Fri 10-Aug-07 09:29:58

snap WWW

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:31:59

Hmm. I don't know if she IS entitled to meet her friends when I am paying her. It's only for 1.5 hours. I wanted him to have some one to one time with someone, as he has a busy day on Friday and not much time from me. I expect (hope) he is getting the attention from 3 people instead.

Oh, she doesn't know I know, if you see what I mean.

moondog Fri 10-Aug-07 09:34:25

If you're not happy about it,then say.
Don't go with anything that makes you feel weird.

If need be and it's only for a couple more sessions,pay for them to go and have a cake or something.

Is it over your heuristic play sessions?
I have done similar when doing baby signing classes and would say a walk and a sandwich/ice cream.



FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 09:41:58

Yes it is just after lunch and he goes bonkers after ice cream. I am assuming she would just meet her friends in the cafe anyway, were you thinking that at least it would be safer there?

What I want is for them to go to the park and him to have a good run around and lots of attention from her. I think I will say that this week and hoepfully she will get the hint. It isn't just business, she's a friend of mine. I would be more inclined to say something otherwise.

motherinferior Fri 10-Aug-07 09:54:58

I think it depends on the teenager and the mates, tbh. I agree with Beety overall.

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 11:27:29

But I am not happy, I think she's taking the mick a bit, so I don't want to say that I am happy. I am prepared to ignore it for the time being, as it is only a few hours this summer, but I don't really like the feeling that she is deceiving me slightly.

unknownrebelbang Fri 10-Aug-07 11:29:41

She probably doesn't see it as deceiving you.

LucyJones Fri 10-Aug-07 11:31:39

Can a teenager be a childminder?
is she qualified?
Or is it just babysitting?

tortoiseSHELL Fri 10-Aug-07 11:31:56

I think it depends - if she is meeting her friends and then they're all playing with him (which is possible - I've seen teenagers at the park with little ones, and the little one is having the time of their life, with 3 teenagers running round with them) then that's ok - if you think she is just chatting with friends and not being responsible then you need to tell her that.

MightyMoosh Fri 10-Aug-07 12:47:13

Did you say before you employed the girl that meeting her friends was taboo? If not, no this isnt deception, every parent has such differing views its not always possible to predict what they want. If she was leaving the child with a friend thats different, has he said she's done that? At 4 He's old enough to be asked if she did leave him, which is deceitful. I have seen adverts for jobs where parents specifically want nannies and babysitters to meet friends to widen the childs vocab etc, so if you havent told her not to meet friends how does she know not to? We childcarers dont read minds!

Katymac Fri 10-Aug-07 16:46:03

Sorry to be a pain Franny - but is she a childminder?

I know it's an easy term to use but is she really?

Or is she a babysitter/Aupair/mothers help?

Flibbertyjibbet Fri 10-Aug-07 16:56:35

She is a teenager, how can she have any concept of one to one care?
Teenagers are pack animals.
Were she and her friends hanging about on the corner outside the offlicence {grin}

motherinferior Fri 10-Aug-07 17:05:25

I think Katymac's point is really important actually: she's a teenage babysitter. Nothing wrong with that - my two are being babysat by charming, fabulous teenage girls while I work at home on Thursdays, this summer; but there is a different standard of care and attention I expect from those teenagers than from the skilled and experienced childminders I use the rest of the time.

beansprout Fri 10-Aug-07 17:07:47

Some teenage girls are very responsible, and others are not. Franny, if you are uncomfortable with this, then you need to act.

Cammelia Fri 10-Aug-07 17:11:34

Teenager represents a big age range, are we talking 18/19 or quite a bit younger?

FrannyandZooey Fri 10-Aug-07 19:10:45

Erm, she's 15. I use the word childminder although she is obviously not a registered childminder, because she is doing the work of a childminder. Sorry if this offended / confused anyone. She isn't a babysitter - this is during the daytime and ds is not at home. I should have said "childcarer" and sorry I didn't, to avoid confusion.

Anyway. I spoke to her on the phone beforehand and just waffled "I am so pleased ds can have this one to one time with you as he does not get much attention from me on Fridays." Ds reports back that she didn't meet any friends today

I expect I sound controlling about this but for 1.5 hours a week I expect her to just give him her time and not eg go shopping, meet friends. I agree she may not have realised I would mind, but she didn't mention it to me which makes me think she perhaps didn't want me to know. Either way it is not a big deal - no she certainly didn't leave him with her friends. And I think ds got a lot of attention from them when they were there. So it seems to be ok; thanks for your thoughts about it

AttilaTheMum Fri 10-Aug-07 19:28:46

Actually I don't think it's that unlikely that she met her friends by accident - if DD went to any of the parks in our town, or the main one in Reading which is nearby, I could pretty much guarantee there would be friends of hers there.

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