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answering "no" to "do you want [nanny] to come and play tomorrow?" - how seriously should we take it?

(27 Posts)
Tutter Mon 30-Jul-07 18:15:09

mothers help/nanny started a month ago in preparation for ds2's arrival (was born 12 days ago)

ds1 (aged 2.2) seemed to get on with her ok to begin with, but less so recently - particularly since i brought ds2 home

he rejected her most of last week and says no when i ask him if he'd like to play with her tomorrow. should i be concerned, or is this to be expected given recent changes do you think?

formummylia Mon 30-Jul-07 18:16:09

totally normal

TootyFrooty Mon 30-Jul-07 18:16:43

Completely expected. He probably associates her arrival with that of the baby. If he says no to her he probably thinks the baby will go away too.

Tutter Mon 30-Jul-07 18:21:02

thnaks both

am feeling terribly guilty about all the changes - want to spend more time with ds1 (i was with him pretty much 24/7 for 2 years) but have to spend so much time attached to ds2

NannyL Mon 30-Jul-07 18:51:38

its all normal.... think nothing of it!

collision Mon 30-Jul-07 18:53:03

and definitely dont ask him!

Change it to

'Isnt it exciting that Mary is coming tomorrow and we can bake and go and feed the ducks! We like feeding ducks dont we?'

Make it positive rather than letting him answer no!

jellyjelly Mon 30-Jul-07 19:30:17

I agree make it sound funa dn good that she is here.

sarz Mon 30-Jul-07 22:55:50

He has only had 12 days to get used to new 'thing' stealing his mummy and all her attention!! i am sure your not used to it yet, so he certainly wont be!!

Of course your new baby needs alot of attention, but get DS1 to help, eg fetching nappies and wipes, that way he doesnt feel like you and baby are doing something fun and exciting that he cant be part of (if only changing nappies could be fun!!!)

eleusis Mon 30-Jul-07 23:30:34

'tis perfectly normal. I think the best thing is to keep reassuring DS1 that he can be included in activities. Like if you are going to change baby's nanny let him get nappy, and so on.

StarryStarryNight Mon 30-Jul-07 23:41:11

I took a slightly different approach when I had DS2 and we got a nanny.

I tried to hand the baby to the nanny as much as possible so that I got to take part in the regular care of DS1, so nanny would be holding DS2, changing him, I would help dress DS1, put sunlotion on him, keep him company with his breakfast, etc as much as possible.

I did this because he started showing signs of great distress at being "pushed out" and into the hands of a stranger. After all, he had been there the longest, and had one hell of a thing to adjust to.

fridayschild Tue 31-Jul-07 09:22:46

I adopted the same approach as starrystarry. "sell" the nanny on the basis she can look after this baby while you and DS1 go and do fun stuff.

I think the novelty value of a "new friend" wears off after a while, which sounds to me about where you are with your nanny. DS1 should start to get used to her and even start to be pleased to see her again soon!

fedupwithallthispaperwork Tue 31-Jul-07 11:11:14

I totally agree with StarryStarryNight. ds 1 must come first, give baby to nanny, you can always express if breast feeding. I was sooooo worried about my son being left out, 14 now and still worry!

FluffyMummy123 Tue 31-Jul-07 11:12:33

Message withdrawn

collision Tue 31-Jul-07 11:46:45

lol cod!

HonoriaGlossop Tue 31-Jul-07 12:08:30

agree, it's normal, and don't ask him. It's not fair on him; after all, if he says no, it won't change the fact she's coming tomorrow!

basically what cod said but without the insults

eleusis Tue 31-Jul-07 12:15:46

That's true, Tutter. If I asked DD if she wanted me to go to work this morning, she would have said no. But, if I ask her if she wants to go to Legoland with friend1 and friend2 while I'm at work, she will smile and say "yes!".

FluffyMummy123 Tue 31-Jul-07 13:32:09

Message withdrawn

Tutter Tue 31-Jul-07 13:42:10

it's boys only in the tutter home, cod

present? oooooohhhhh

PinkChick Wed 01-Aug-07 15:44:08

my mindee who tells me she loves me ALL day..said to her mum last week that xxxx(me) had been nasty to her and made her cry and that she didnt want to stay or come again and wanted to go home now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

not one cross word had been utterd!! and mum said that child got in car and said shed had lovely day at xxx(mine)! listen and log, but dont take to heart as they do sometimes say weird things for no reason!

fedupwasherwoman Wed 01-Aug-07 15:52:32

Two points - "Don't ask him, tell him" was valuable advice we were given about getting ds1 to do things.

Secondly, the plan of nanny/mother's help being here to "look afer the baby" worked for us big time. Our lady was experienced in coaxing difficult children though and eventually ds1 was asking for xxx to help him get dressed, play with him, take him to nursery etc.

He was putty in her hands after a short while and I still wonder if chocolate buttons weren't changing hands behind my back

Twiglett Wed 01-Aug-07 15:54:38

Tutter I love you but why are you asking a 2 year old if they want nanny to come play?

Twiglett Wed 01-Aug-07 15:55:28

just scanned thread and see Cod said that far better before me

Oblomov Wed 01-Aug-07 16:11:19


Tutter Wed 01-Aug-07 16:16:04

ach, because my mind is befuddled from new mum hormones and lack of sleep, twig

ds1 is doing my bleedin head in

normal for an irked firstborn presented with his sibling i guess, but blardy nora

Twiglett Wed 01-Aug-07 17:33:44

Tutter .. children do one's head in I'm afraid

I used to be quite intelligent

now look at me


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