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I?m going to offend lots of people, but if I don?t post I?m going to POP (very long and moany)

(59 Posts)
TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 09:57:55

In every single profession there is a tiny minority who spoil their reputation, and childminding is just the same. When I was pregnant with dd2 I decided that nursery was too expensive for 2 children and decided to that a childminder was the best option.

For 6 months I lurked on the childminding threads! Boy what an eye opener, don?t get me wrong MOST of the threads were professional and a merit to the profession but some of them.


I remember a few such as ?Shall I report the mum to SS as she wants me to feed solids to her child at 5 months 28 days!? ?I?ve had 3 kids and have been childminding for 10 years so I know more than first time mother? ok I?m exaggerating ,but after 6 months of reading the threads decided a childminder was not for me.

Anyone still reading? Anyway about 6 weeks ago I was let down in childcare arrangements and ended up with a childminder for 2 days a week.

I normally finish work at 5pm but occasionally, I have to stay late. So rather than be late picking my dcs up and annoying the hell out the CM (see told you I read the threads thoroughly). I booked the times 10am-6pm. I explained the most days I would end up picking them early but she said that was fine.

Anyway the 2nd week I was at CM?s house at 10am, knocking on the door, in the rain, no fecking answer! 10 mins later she comings running round the corner ?Oh sorry, but I have to drop mindee off at playgroup and sometimes they?re late letting us in? Inside I?m seething, I have a meeting at 10.30am and am now going to be late.

Next day same things happens, in fact she is late every time by 10-15 mins. Now why didn?t she say at the initial meeting that she could not make 10am but could make 10.15? So when I have to go to work on time, I have to drop the dcs at 9.30am! Which I do not pay for! I have only needed to do this twice, as I now rearrange my work so as to start 15 mins later!!!

Ok ok so that is annoying enough, but the kids seem happy there, I?m willing to give it a go.

2nd week at CM?s, dd2 comes home singing ?Lunar Jim? or some such nonsense. WTF is Lunar Jim? Apparently they watch TV at CM, stupid, stupid me, didn?t think to ask at the initial meeting if she plonked them in front t of TV and how often. That p**sed me off, but hey my fault for not checking, and DCs still seem happy enough.

A few weeks in and dd2 comes home from CM but an exceptionally sodden nappy, I mean so wet that she couldn?t walk. First of all I was very upset, then I thought she?s probably sat in a puddle or something I will mention to CM next time I see her. We went on leave fro a couple of weeks, and when I got back I mentioned about dd2?s nanppy. She was so angry, when I came to pick them up, she had written a 2 page letter about how you would never leave a baby with such a wet nappy. Emm well my love, you did, I saw it, are you calling me a liar. Ddin?t say any of this! Very strange, all I expected was her to say ?Well that?s strange I would never let a baby have such a wet nappy, I wonder how that happened? I?ll keep an eye on that?

As you can imagine the professional relationship between us is not great, and last week CM said that gossip in the village had said I was moving away, and that she needed to know because obviously she was very popular and had a long waiting list. I couldn?t believe it?I?m NOT moving away and gossip is just that?gossip.

Anyway, last week the cowardly fecker sent me a letter to say ?Due to unavailable circumstances, she was terminating the contract?

I just feel so angry, like I?m going to pop!!! I know it?s the best thing for us to do, we could not continue a professional relationship when we didn?t trust each other. Plus out of the 16 weeks she has been paid for she has actually only looked after my dc for about 10 of them, due to my dds sickness and last minute holidays. Which I always paid her in full for!!!

Why am I so fecking angry?.

TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 09:59:30

Apostrophes have turned into question marks, sorry about that!

taxidriver Fri 27-Jul-07 10:03:06

sh eis only human

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Fri 27-Jul-07 10:04:47

What I don't understand really is why to start a post being rude to all childminders when you have only had a problem with ONE.

I think childminders are like nurseries, there are excellent ones, and bad ones, hence why it is important to check, double check, and check again that the chosen childminder is the right person for your expectatives.

I understand why you are angry, but at the same time I can see that your previous lack of trust in childminders may have put some strain in that relationship. It is horrible to work for someone that doesn't trust you, I can see a bit of the childminder reasons behind some of her actions.

taxidriver Fri 27-Jul-07 10:06:31

i agree she obivously knew you were so fecking annoyed with her decided to jump before she was pushed.

FrannyandZooey Fri 27-Jul-07 10:07:47

Your post does sound a bit unhinged and is very rude to childminders.

I think she did the right thing, saved you both a lot of grief.

TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 10:08:01

yes you may be right about my mistrust of childminders putting a strain even at the begginning, IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo , but I did check andcheck again that she had a good reputation. Don't think I was rude to all CMs in OP though.

TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 10:09:29

LOL at unhinged, you are very probably right. I know this is the best of all of us, but I just can't understand why I am so angry!

maisym Fri 27-Jul-07 10:10:35

sounds a difficult situation. Would say learn from this - get it in the contract the times you need. Ask about tv and ask about nappy changes. Plus ask what the kids eat and how she manages her day. Perhaps a book of what happe,s would be a good idea - yime kids ate, slept, played, nappy....

muppetgirl Fri 27-Jul-07 10:20:03

I think you have to be careful you're not making assumptions as to what you think is happening. My ds came home from nursery telling me all about spiderman and he now recognises power rangers. He doesn't watch any of these programs at nursery and certainly doesn't at home. He got it from other children.

You left it *2 weeks* to ask about the nappy? Why did you not adress it at the time? The at least there would be no doubting if you pointed at the full nappy. After 2 weeks it does seem like you're picking...

And, above all, you did note that your child seems happy there.

taxidriver Fri 27-Jul-07 10:30:28

you are angry cos basiclaly you hve been fired
by your childminder.
what are you going to do now?

Tortington Fri 27-Jul-07 10:39:00

getr of her back
she picked up her kid with a sodden nappy - not good enough.

she makes specific childminding arrangements which the childminder decides to break without effective communication.

the TV thing wouldnt bother me TBH if its only 2 days a week.

lulumama Fri 27-Jul-07 10:44:14

TV thing would not bother me, as long as there was a balance..arts and crafts, singing, playgroups, etc....

the sodden nappy would tick me right off

retelling gossip / lying about something she had heard would annoy me

being late for you more than once or twice is totally unacceptable

but sounds like you are more angry she gave you the elbow before you could fire her

don;t judge all CMs by this experience

Mumpbump Fri 27-Jul-07 10:44:21

I think when you delegate care of a child to an individual, you have to accept that they have their ways of doing things. Ds stays at home with a nanny and her dd on Mondays and Fridays now and she definitely does things differently from me, but I can't expect her to be telepathic. Nursery is more regulated so has advantages, but perhaps lacks the personal touch.

I can understand why you're angry and, as someone else said, you've been fired/rejected by someone you think is doing a cr*p job to add insult to injury. Agree that she probably leapt before she was pushed! I also agree that the sodden nappy was either best brought up at the time or, if you couldn't because you went away, not mentioned at all unless there was a repeat occurrence.

What are your other childcare options? The TV issue was one of the reasons I decided to send ds to nursery where they have no tv at all.

eleusis Fri 27-Jul-07 10:45:34

I think you have valid resons to be angry. And I think the childminder acted unprofessionally in the way she terminated the contract.

But, at the end of the day, she is a business owner and can terminate the contract when she wants.

I too would not be impressed about the nappy.
I too would not be impressed about the telly.
And I would be far less tolerating of her not being there at 10:00 than you were.

So I do think you have a right to be angry. And I think anyone who makes a business decision based on town gossip is probably not really my idea of a professional.

But, she does have a legal right to terminate the contract when she wants to, assuming she did this within the limits of the contract. As a working parent, you just have to get on with it and find other childcare.

paolosgirl Fri 27-Jul-07 10:46:21

Ok, so you had a bad experience with a childminder (although can't understand why watching TV at a childminder, unless it's all day, every day, is so bad). Not all childminders are like that, just as there are good nurseries and not so good nurseries. It's not fair to tar everyone with the same brush.

fedupwithallthispaperwork Fri 27-Jul-07 10:49:38

the cm shouldnt have been angry for you asking about the nappy, personally i always make sure all the children and changed and ready for pickups.

i do allow the children cbeebies, 7 till 730 tweenies and for an hour in the afternoon, when others are sleeping and i am washing up lunch stuff, or just having a breather, they usually loose interest after 30 mins anyway.

i would have been cross about the nappy, she must have seen it. also the 10 am thing, if it was a probm, why didnt she sugest you meet at at playgroup at 10.

did she not do a daily diary?

think you are best out of it, as neither of you seemed happy, but dont think we are all the same, as someone already said, there are good and bad in all walks.

all the best.

eleusis Fri 27-Jul-07 10:49:47

However, yes, I agree that you are painting all childminders with the same brush and some childminders are of course lovely.

fedupwithallthispaperwork Fri 27-Jul-07 10:50:22

should add, they dont have to watch tv, its on in background.

TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 10:53:39

maisym - I thought I did have a contract 10am-6pm, 2 days a week, not 10.15! The TV was my own fault, I didn't ask, just assumed and agree with cusy wsn't too bothered about TV, just annoyed with myself as a bit anal about TV for kids.

As for waiting 2 weeks to mention nappy, well I didn't notice until we got home and saw her walking funny. Thought it would be too confrontatinal if I'd phoned up and said "Hey my dd2's nappy is soakig WTF", just mentioned it in passign when I dropped her off next. After thinking about it logically, I realised it couldn't have been wee and she must have sat in something.

lol sacked by childminder, well it's saves me £600 a month!!!

Not so angry now...repalce by panic....eek I have no childcare arrangements!

Theclosetpagan Fri 27-Jul-07 10:55:56

I can understand you being annoyed about the nappy and the late starts. What I don't get is your annoyance that she may have allowed your child to watch TV. As long as it is not all day and every day I don't see what your problem is.
Lunar Jim - check out CBeebies and see what your children have evidently enjoyed.

taxidriver Fri 27-Jul-07 10:57:00

perhaps you coudl ask her why.
you live and learn

TheGodmother Fri 27-Jul-07 10:58:53

Good greif why are you all being so kind? Thought I'd get jumped on from a great heigth. Am now sitting here crying! Tears running donw my face WTF is tht all about?

eleusis Fri 27-Jul-07 10:59:35

Are you pregnant? (just kidding)

LucyJones Fri 27-Jul-07 11:05:25

I can see why you are angry.
It's very unprofessional to be continually late and not suggest a change of times.
The nappy thing too is awful.
She should have had the decency to tell you it wasn't workign out to your face and not in a letter.

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