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Reporting a nanny...?

(18 Posts)
JeanGenie23 Tue 21-Nov-17 14:28:53

Hello this is a very sensitive issue. I will try and be as detailed and precise whilst still maintaining confidentiality.

I am a childminder. I used to look after child X and their sibling child Z. I loved them dearly looked after them until they went to school, I then moved house and it was too far to do pick ups so sadly they found other childcare arrangements. Mom went on to have third child W. When she returned to work they employed a nanny. I would occasionally bump into them out and about but not many times as we were about 20mins bus journey apart and I would spend time in the other borough.

Anyway fast forward a year and I have just taken on a new child. During initial conversation with this child’s mom it became apparent that they knew child X, Z and Ws nanny, and that nanny had in fact worked for them about two years ago, but mom sacked her with immediate affect as she caught her smoking in the garden whilst her children were present. This shocked me but ultimately none of my business. She then went on to say she saw her last week in the local shopping centre with sleeping child in the buggy, having a pint in the microbrewery. Now I didn’t see this. My new parent did. All I have is her word. But I looked after child X, and Z for years. I care for them dearly, we exchange gifts at Christmas and birthdays, and even though we don’t see each other regularly anymore, I was once a real part of their family.

So my question, would you mention this to child x, x and w’s mom, bearing in mind I have no proof, just the word of a lady who I have only recently met (although I believe her totally)

All advise gratefully received.

ThatEscalatedQuickly Tue 21-Nov-17 14:31:58

I would, but I would tell them this is only something you heard second hand so can't prove. It might make them more watchful at least to see if there is a lack of care there.

Alternatively perhaps you can ask your new employer to confirm what she saw to your previous family. She might be happy to do so out of child protection concerns.

If I was the employer I'd want to know so I could look into the level of care my children were receiving.

berliozwooler Tue 21-Nov-17 14:32:01

I wouldn't say anything unless you see it yourself. And what happened to child Y? confused

MadeForThis Tue 21-Nov-17 14:32:32

Presumably you have a friendly relationship with the children's mother. I would get in touch and give her the facts as you have been told them. Be clear that you have not seen anything personally. Leave the ball in her court. She can investigate herself.

jannier Tue 21-Nov-17 14:39:39

ThatEscalatedQuickly - she is self employed and does not have a new employer, she has a new customer.

The new customer told you something inorder to pass on any information you have to have her consent for confidentiality unless you can prove a safeguarding issue (which drinking and smoking would be) but you need some evidence - I would ask the new parent first if they are willing to put something on paper (bear in mind they may have other reasons to talk badly about the nanny) then see where you are after that.
Are the family aware she has taken them to this place would they be okay with it was it a group outing, did she have beer or shandy (non alcoholic versions) ? There is a lot to think about.

JeanGenie23 Tue 21-Nov-17 14:46:46

Thank you all for your replies. Yes I am now a self employed childminder but was a nanny for this family.

The new customer did not know I knew the nanny she was talking about. She was obviously (and understandably) really against this nanny so I am well aware some details may be untrue. New parent said it was a pint of beer, I know the microbrewery she was talking about, they sell craft beers with unusual flavours, really tasty and really strong. Could well have been drinking shandy or cloudy apple juice but equally may not have been...this is what is making it so hard for me to decide how to act. I am a very keep your nose out of it kind of person normally but this involves children I know and I’m a parent myself, I would want to know...

StrangeAndUnusual Tue 21-Nov-17 14:50:25

If I was the mother, I would want to know. If you explain it exactly as y ou have here, it doesn't sound like a wild accusation, just some information that the mum can take into account.

People often tell me things about my nanny. They are universally positive/praising things, since she's lovely. But I would want to hear negatives if they came up, especially about things that are safety issues or trust/judgement issues.

ThatEscalatedQuickly Tue 21-Nov-17 15:10:59

I don't know that the distinction is terribly important in the context but fair enough if that's the common phraseology.

That said, it doesn't change the advise I offered in any respect.

ThatEscalatedQuickly Tue 21-Nov-17 15:11:21

*advice - stupid autocorrect

JeanGenie23 Tue 21-Nov-17 15:20:05

I think I will ask new parent to put this in writing and will have to pass it on.
As soon as I was typing my original post I knew I had to mention it to mom. It may not be as bad as drinking on the job, she could have just been having a soft drink, but I would still question her professionalism, taking a child shopping whilst working, and then sitting in pub, it’s not what I would do...

jannier Wed 22-Nov-17 07:50:26

I would be surprised if a micro brewery was on the list of approved place too. I think to cover yourself getting a written confirmation is best. Personally I wouldn't even take children into a family pub with soft play while working there are plenty of non licenced places to play.

PoshPenny Wed 22-Nov-17 08:07:26

Potentially it’s drinking whilst on duty isn’t it so yes I think you should let the mother know. she ought to be aware (even if you can’t prove the nanny was actually drinking alcohol)

StrangeAndUnusual Wed 22-Nov-17 09:27:48

If I were the mother who'd told you about seeing the nanny (without even knowing that you knew her) I would definitely NOT be wanting to write a written confirmation for you to pass on in a way I had no control over! And I would think it rather pushy/slightly offensive/weird of you to ask. I don't think that's a good idea.

I think you should speak to the mother of the children you used to look after, you have a good relationship with her, and you can explain things exactly as you have here. You're not a police officer taking written evidence!

Ttbb Wed 22-Nov-17 09:52:27

If I was the mother I would definitely want to know, both about the beer and the previous termination due to smoking. I know that you cannot prove anything but the parents will at least be warned this way.

Yerazig Wed 22-Nov-17 16:46:34

I’m a nanny and I’m in two minds over this. She obviously ended on bad terms with this other mum (rightly so if she was really caught smoking) but on the other hand a pub is not the first place I would be taking a child in my care. Unless this mum knew for sure that this nanny was definitely drinking alcohol or you intact saw the nanny drinking alcohol and not just assuming, I’m in slight two minds if you should make your old boss aware.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 23-Nov-17 22:33:59

So your new client mentioned maybe in passing that she used to have a nanny called xxx and she fired her for smoking. Client then says she saw xxx in a pub with her new charge asleep

Is that right

Yes I would mention to your ex mb and now friend. Say you heard it second hand so don’t know if any truth/proof but you wanted her to know

Wonder if xxx said she smokes to your ex mb - or if ex mb asked if she was a smoker

gingergenius Thu 23-Nov-17 23:36:47

I would suggest you find out for sure if these facts are correct before you potentially ruin someone's career. At this stage, it's hearsay. And whilst it MAY be true, it MAY ALSO be fabricated bullshit.

Tread very carefully.

insancerre Fri 24-Nov-17 13:56:28

I wouldn't get involved
You have no evidence of any wrongdoing, you don't know what she was drinking
The other mum obviously has issues with the nanny
I wouldn't get dragged in to it

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