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5 month old distressed(9 Posts)
Hi all; my almost 6 month old started a few weeks ago at a childminder to settle in two mornings a week prior to me returning to work next month. (I feel awful enough about this but I financially can’t stay off) this cm seemed great and we’ve done all the settling in. He is absolutely fine when I’m there but apparently sobs after an hour when I’m gone. On 3 occasions now in the last two weeks the childminder has rang me to collect him after one hour as he’s been crying. (He’s absolutely fine and smiles at me when I walk in!) she doesn’t have any suggestions about what I can do to make this better. So at the moment I’m paying every time full price to pick him up after an hour. I’m really worried now as although I can collect him at the moment I simply can’t come home every day from work when she rings me! I’ve spoken to her about moving forward and she’s said she will need to call me if he’s upset for more than 5/10 minutes every time; I don’t know what to do...try him somewhere else? Keep persevering? I have no family or alternative care. Is it separation anxiety this early?
She sounds if she can't cope - a cm shouldn't need to call mum back every session as baby isn't settling
You say baby is smiling when you arrive and doesn't seem distressed so why not leave them
Have a chat to cm and make clear (tho you shouldn't need it) but once at work you can't come and collect if unsettled
Did her settling build up from an hour to a lunch then a full day or was it straight into full days? I would make an appointment say for hair and tell her you cant come back until after lunch if she calls as your physically in a chair half way through and that's the earliest you can get there unless he's ill. 5 to 10 minutes is ridiculous children can be on and off unsettled for the first few days. I had one who refused to eat for the first week of settling in so we just continued at stopping until an hour after lunch time until he accepted food.
Take something that smells of you so he can have a comforter if upset say goodbye happily trying to be anxious.
Babies do need a lot of attention. Is she used to caring for babies? Does she have many other children to look after? Most CMs would be able to comfort a crying 5 month old, as they are generally much easier to settle than an older child.
As Jannier said, I consider it a victory if they eat, drink and sleep at my setting. Keeping them stimulated and happy is the easy bit.
Ask her how she's going to manage once you are at work and can only come back for an emergency. A crying child is not an emergency. Making an appointment that you can't leave is a good idea and tell her you will be busy for a fixed amount of time.
I had a six month old who would not settle, but I never phoned the parents back. 10 minuets isn’t really very long I don’t think. Can you ask her what her plan is going forward. Does she envisige phoning you back from work or does she think by that point baby will be a bit more settled?
Are you breast or bottle feeding? If breast, does the baby take milk/comfort from a bottle/dummy? (That was the biggest issue with the baby I had, her main source of comfort was taken away and without it she couldn’t settle).
Does the cm come recommended and does she have lots of experience with other people’s small babies?
Separation anxiety can start at 6 months then easer up at 2 years.
Could be the separation anxiety
My breastfed 6 month old found it awfully difficult to settle into nursery (to this day she won't take a bottle!). I had to find a new job so absolutely had to leave her. I only had a few calls from nursery, maybe your childminder isn't so keen on spending time settling your baby in? The thing that really helped my daughter settle was going full time, and me not popping in to pick her up early when I wasn't working. She also had a comforter that she used to sleep with. If it makes you feel better, my girl is now very very settled in her nursery, crawls around like she owns the place, eats all her food and has lots of fun there and has a great bond with her key worker - you wouldn't believe to look at her now how much she'd howled when she first started!
My dds older she's 2 in December but I started working full time 2 weeks ago. The week before we had some settling in sessions. On the Monday she went for 2 hours 9-11 then Tuesday 9-11:30 then Wednesday she stayed for lunch and I picked her up at 12:30. Thursday I picked her up at 13:30 then Friday we went till tea time. It worked really well and she's got quite fond of one of the workers there. She does cry when I drop her off but they said u less she wouldn't settle what so ever or was making herself sick with crying then they wouldn't phone just for that.
Like others have said explain to her that she can't phone you at work unless it's an emergency or child is unwell. A good childminder or nursery would be able to handle an unsettled child
Why is she still going to this childminder? Many mums have to work, but it doesn't mean that the child should spend most of her waking hours in a place where she is miserable. If you hated your job to the degree that it was making you so unhappy, you would leave and find another one, so I don't see why your daughter has to go to this person who she clearly has no bond with and dislikes. There are other childminders, nannies, nanny shares, nurseries available. She's only 6 months old, far too young to be made to endure all of that distress.
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