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Would you expect a childminder to...

(26 Posts)
OrangeRhinoInTraining Thu 05-Oct-17 18:50:52

Help your 3yr old DC wipe properly after having a poo? Mine has come home with pants that have a big skid mark in them (tmi!) that was clearly uncomfortable as they kept pulling at them until we got home. Said CM didn't help him. Having a few other issues with CM at the moment that may be clouding my judgement so wanted to check what others would expect! He's 3, toilet trained about 6 months ago, rarely has accidents, no other kids there today.

khanbal Thu 05-Oct-17 18:52:14

I would expect the childminder to wipe his bottom he's 3!!!!

That's really bad that she won't do it!

MrsOverTheRoad Thu 05-Oct-17 18:53:07

No. I'd expect a three year old with no additional needs to wipe themselves. I'd ask her about providing wet wipes for him....you could send them and spend some time showing him how to do it effectively.

AuntLydia Thu 05-Oct-17 18:53:34

Yes, I help my mindees but sometimes at that age they don't tell you they've pooed. I also wouldn't insist on helping a child that didn't want me to and would be encouraging them to have a good go themselves first.

MrsOverTheRoad Thu 05-Oct-17 18:54:03

Really Khanbal? Nurseries don't....why would a childminder?

RavingRoo Thu 05-Oct-17 18:55:21

No wouldn’t expect or even want them to. At 3 with no additional needs they should try themselves, and if there’s a mess after school I’ll clean it up and demonstrate.

abbsisspartacus Thu 05-Oct-17 18:55:54

Nurseries do as does my son's reception teacher/ta they never knowingly send a child home in that state

Migraleve Thu 05-Oct-17 18:56:19

Dirty pants don't automatically mean the child hasn't been wiped though?

Gottalovesummer Thu 05-Oct-17 18:56:50

Childminder here. Would let them wipe if they wanted and were able to, but at age 3 I would have a "check" as almost none of them at that age would do it thoroughly

Please talk to her, better to be open about things, rather than let things fester.

AuntLydia Thu 05-Oct-17 18:59:38

Cos we're not a nursery MrsOver?! We're home from home with smaller numbers of kids to look after. Encouraging independence is very important but it doesn't mean refusing to help or how will they learn?

HSMMaCM Thu 05-Oct-17 19:00:57

As above. I would do a 'check' wipe after the child has already wiped themselves. Most 3 year olds are quite capable of doing it themselves though.

MissJSays Thu 05-Oct-17 19:05:13

Mrs
I’ve never worked in a nursery where staff don’t help children to wipe their bottoms before. Why would we want them to be dirty and uncomfortable all day?
Of course with the older children we would encourage them to have a good go themselves first. We encourage independence at every opportunity, however this is something that most if not all children struggle with.
OP
I’d probably just mention it next time, 3 year olds don’t always tell you that they have pooed so she may just not have known.

Invisimamma Thu 05-Oct-17 19:14:58

Yes at nursery and childminder I'd expect a 3yr old to get help with this.

By nearly 4yr old perhaps expect a bit more independence.

Mehfruittea Thu 05-Oct-17 19:19:18

I've always encouraged my DS to wipe himself. He still can home from nursery and school with skids. In Y1 now and still can't wipe thoroughly, always needs an extra wipe with a wet wipe to sort it at home. Obviously I don't expect school to do this, just wanted to say he is not close to being able to do this independently, so CM should be doing this unless your DS is refusing help.

OrangeRhinoInTraining Thu 05-Oct-17 19:24:38

Okay, a range of opinions! He is very independent in lots of other ways, and likes to wipe himself after a pee (still sits to pee!) because that's what he sees me do, but always asks for help after a poo. Like I say, there are a few other issues at the moment that she's not been great about so a bigger chat is required I think 😒 Thanks for replies.

leesypops Thu 05-Oct-17 21:00:00

I looked after a little boy who would ask for help to wipe at home but when he came here would never say that he had done a poo and would clean himself up. Perhaps that’s what’s happened with your little one.

I’m always happy to help when needed

Snap8TheCat Thu 05-Oct-17 21:03:45

Childminder here- the 3 year olds I have had can mostly do it themselves. I would expect them to ask though, I don’t always know they’ve been.

jannier Fri 06-Oct-17 08:05:44

I've had children who normally say they have poohed then occasionally don't tell you and end up dirty. I don't accompany every child to the loo as its downstairs and we have to encourage independence. In our school nursery they do not check children they have 40 and don't have time so out 3 year olds have to be independent or ask for help. Similarly they don't help dress them if they need to change clothes they are asked to tae things off put them in a bag wipe themselves and re dress with clothes laid out the right way up but child does it (they do help with pooh accidents).

If you have issues with your cm you should discuss them as they come up not let them fester. Personally I would like to be told x had dirty pants and was sore so I've reminded him he needs to ask for you to check he's clean. Rather have someone assume I wouldn't help when asked.

Doglikeafox Fri 06-Oct-17 22:47:28

At 3 I would only help the child if they wanted help. If they had been potty trained for 6 months I would assume they could do it themselves, but would probably check just incase.
If my help was refused I certainly wouldn't push the issue unless I had seen evidence they were doing a poor job themselves.
Mention it to CM, ask if she can check his bum from now on. Problem solved.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 08-Oct-17 21:39:49

IVe known grown males who struggle 😉

Most cm happy to help /check

Maybe she didn't know - child could have gone for a wee

Tbh 3 seems a little young to not leave skid marks unless use wet wipes

Eastie77 Mon 09-Oct-17 10:17:59

DD's preschool nursery stipulated that all children must be able to use the loo on their own and deal with 'self care' which included bottom wiping. I don't know if this differs from private nurseries but I was a bit surprised they had this expectation of 3 year olds. They also had a list of other things children had to be able to do on their own such as putting on coats etc so maybe this pre-school was just particularly focused on getting kids to be independent (she is in Reception at the same school now and this ethos has continued)

Treaclespongeandcustard Mon 09-Oct-17 10:22:03

Our nursery help with wiping. I'd be gutted if DD(3) came home uncomfortable with dirty pants on

HSMMaCM Mon 09-Oct-17 10:38:46

I care for a 4 year old who has been wiping reliably for at least 6 months. Sometimes she doesn't get it right. She just tells me, I help her clean up and she changes into her clean pants.

Ask the CM to check, and /or get your DC to tell her if pants need changing.

Dizzywhore Thu 12-Oct-17 16:43:43

At 3 he should definitely be getting help. Don't lesson to people saying otherwise. 3 is very young! Talk to her. Don't wind yourself up just see what she says and take it from there.

jannier Fri 13-Oct-17 09:26:13

Dizzywhore......
I agree 3 is very young, but unfortunately we now live in a country that forces children into school at 3 and full time at 4. In a school nursery there will be 40 children to 3 or if your lucky 4 staff who are supposed to supervise indoor and free access outdoor play so although a ratio of at best 1 to 10 if 1 member of staff is outside covering it may well be a working ratio that is higher. The toilets and drink/snack areas are all free access and children are expected t go themselves including knowing how to wash their hands. The toilets are not supervised by a bottom wiper and chidlrne eager to play will not usually be asking for help so the sooner they at least try their best the better for their own comfort. By reception year age 4 the ratio will be 1 to 15 and the staff will not take them out of class to a toilet. The children will be expected to be sef caring including toileting and changing from uniform to pe kit and back again within a short time allowance Tights included. they will be doing their own buttons and zips. Yes its young but its the system the country want so we get cheap childcare.

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