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What would you have done..

(7 Posts)
cm38 Wed 09-Aug-17 11:29:32

Sure this won't go down well but..

I'll just point out that the youngest is VERY hard work. He is aggressive, rude, has few social skills, limited speech etc. I didn't think having him would be as hard as it is.

I look after 2 children who I take home from school. They lived near the school at the time and that was fine, they moved quite a way and I charged extra, all fine and now they are back so back to original fees.

They asked me to have the children in the holidays. I quoted them and was met with an abrupt response of 'how do people afford it' basically can't and won't pay it and would I barter. At the time I needed the money, was happy to have them and agreed to cut the fee (a lot) due to them being siblings. The agreement was 8 hours. He started turning up late and said he thought it was flexible? I explained that 8hrs was exactly that.

So the holidays began and wow..I'm shattered already. He's such hard work. Hits not only other kids but me. Is rude, has tantrums galore etc. Ive mentioned since the start and dad says I'm over reacting. Despite him mis behaving for him he doesn't seem to see anything wrong. Mum struggles big time with him.

Yesterday was an awful day. I have other children and it was all focused round him again. I'm surprised I can talk today. I spoke to dad about the day and he said it must be me as he's good for (whoever he's with today)? I asked how many kids they have..none? Cannot believe that for a minute but?

Anyway I decided last night I just can't see a way past it and can't cope another 3-4 weeks with the stress..incidentally for the reduced fee. At the time it was a verbal agreement and he didn't want to sign anything. I messaged him saying I was willing to have him all the way through but was increasing the fee as of next week for said child (not the sibling) I totally understood if he wanted to make alternative arrangements etc. He's not happy, says I need to give notice? Says he's not willing to pay more etc..

What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
sparklyelephant Wed 09-Aug-17 13:23:06

How old is the boy?
His behaviour would seem to be impacting on the other/younger children?

I'd be writing/emailing dad, that if that's the case he will have to pay contracted payment, not the discounted rate you've given him to help him out.
I would also put in there if there is another incident ie; another child or you being hurt by his child, you will be terminating the contract.

Willow2017 Thu 10-Aug-17 15:26:48

You dont have a contract apart from a verbal one, which is dodgy ground but never mind.
All you need to do is tell them you are terminating the contract from todays date as the child is disruptive and causing harm to you and the other kids. As you are spending all your time focusing on stopping him doing things you need to call it a day. You dont need any other reason, you dont need to explain yourself any further.

If the other parents complain about the times their kids are being hit or their day is being disrupted and they are missing out because you are spending your whole time centred around this kid you could lose their business and be stuck with these 2 kids!

Next time dont let a parent dictate your terms and conditions, thier kids their problem I am sure nobody else would have put up with this, they are playing on your good nature. And make sure you have a proper contract water tight (as well as they can be)

maggi Thu 10-Aug-17 16:50:09

I have a terrible time with one boy. He wants my attention the entire time and uses all means to obtain it: spitting, kicking, hitting, shouting in your face, throwing, breaking things, hurting the baby, shaking the baby buggy, refusing to walk, sweeping things off shelves, saying nasty things, swearing. Strangers comment: "What a horrible child. I realise he is not yours dear." He is about to begin school -HORRAY!!!. That cheer said, he may have SEN so has an excuse. But it is soo difficult.

(I've looked after him for 3 years)

jannier Fri 11-Aug-17 15:36:57

Im presuming you are Ofsted registered....if so you have a duty of care to all the children in your care and any children you take on must not impact on the care and development of your under 8's. If this child is endearing them or hurting you and of the main contract companies say this is grounds for immediate termination the fact the parent is unwilling to own the childs behaviour and support you would push me to that.....but then you said the parent refused to sign a contract this time...why did you let him get away with this? Its you business and your rules if you want to stay in charge of the relationship you need to keep control from day one ...have you all the other legal paperwork signed? permissions addresses etc? If its a verbal contract it is still enforceable I would say if you previously had a written contact the terms of notice etc. would still apply (but you ma need to check that legally) unfortunately you may not get help from your insurance company as most insist you have written contracts to help you.
I would not have this behaviour from any child unless the parent was working with me and only then if I felt it did not impact on the others in my care of my physical wellbeing.

Piratesandpants Fri 11-Aug-17 15:48:01

Do you won't have him at the reduced fee but suddenly can cope with him (and the impact...) at a higher fee...???? Focus on what's best for everyone here. Don't negotiate fees in the future, it muddies the water...

MissJSays Thu 14-Sep-17 19:43:52

Gosh Maggi, your comment made me cringe. Poor child, I hope he is getting better support at his new school.

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