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New nanny - good or bad?

(14 Posts)
catlike1979 Mon 03-Apr-17 17:18:22

Just had a trial with a new nanny for our 14 month old DS. She was lovely, kind and always observing our little one and responded to him when he turned to her, but was not as "lively" or animated with play as I would expect. I was in the background just seeing how things were going and at a lot of times it was silent for prolonged periods!

She is about to start studying to be a Montessori teaching assistant and when I asked her about her very calm, quiet way with him, she talked about this being part of the Montessori method.

The whole time she was with DS, he was calm, content and pottering around, she followed him. I suppose me and DH are both very "woo hoo" and outgoing, energetic and FUN (!!!) with him and she was just so not like this, I can't work out if her way is actually probably better for him and we should tone things down as parents, or whether she is just not the right person for us! When we are lively with DS he is all laughs and giggles whereas with her he was more considered and calm. Should I read this as her not stimulating him enough, or me and DH overstimulating him?

Does anyone have a Montessori-trained nanny? If so, how do they engage with your child? Are they more "hands off" and less engaging than you initially expected? I can't figure out what to do!

SleepFreeZone Mon 03-Apr-17 17:21:52

I think that sounds lively personally .

SleepFreeZone Mon 03-Apr-17 17:22:13

* lovely 🙄

Yerazig Mon 03-Apr-17 17:45:22

I think even if you was in the background it's still uncomfortable and not very relaxing to know that your potential bosses are in the house. So she very may well have a more quieter personality, or it may well be the face you was in the house. So she may have been a bit more reserved. I've had that a parent mention I was quiet to my agency. i personally with a child I don't know, don't want to be too much in their face to scare the child especially if it's a baby/toddler. Is that really a bad thing that she brings out the calmness in him?

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Mon 03-Apr-17 17:54:26

As long as she's actually interacting with him, it sounds lovely and calm. And he'll get the best of both worlds if his parents are more energetic.

Lunde Mon 03-Apr-17 17:54:45

She sounds very nice. Obviously the relationship would evolve as they get to know each other.

Very difficult for her to be too loud and "full on" with a child she doesn't know and risk frightening the child. It's also difficult for the nanny being under observation by a parent as the nanny may feel self-conscious or worry that parents might dislike the nanny being silly

nannynick Mon 03-Apr-17 20:31:51

I'm calm and quiet... the babies and toddlers love it. It is fine to have someone who is different to you. It takes time to build a relationship, so being calm, relaxed, in control, rather than charging around like a bull in a china shop is great in my view.

Should you tone things down, no. You are you. She is she. You are different, your styles are different, your likes and dislikes are probably different. However you may well share a lot of similarities and you find that your DS gets the best of both worlds.

If silence is an issue, then they could play classical music and some nursery rhymes.

Speech development is something to keep an eye on but you have not said that they didn't talk at all.

HookandSwan Tue 04-Apr-17 09:06:52

It takes time to establish a bond with a new baby. And I know with my new charge aged 9 months.
when I first met her, I just sat quietly with her and let her come to me. We read books etc and as we got more comfortable we got into singing and stuff like that.

Play can be loud and energetic but it also can be quiet and still be fun and engaging.

NuffSaidSam Tue 04-Apr-17 10:53:29

What NannyNick said. This is a great lesson in how people can be different, but equally 'good'. It's fab to be loud and outgoing and fun, but it's also great to be calm and considered and gentle. Wouldn't life by dull if we were all the same?! I think your DS will only benefit from having a range of people in his life.

It's also true that no nanny is going to be at their best on first meeting a child, with the parent(s) in the background too. In the same way you probably weren't at your absolute best on the first day of your job with your boss lurking behind you!

Yukbuck Tue 04-Apr-17 12:23:26

I can make up the most silly games with my charges and get into character etc... but as soon as my boss is around I get nervous and am quiet! I don't know why really! I feel nervous! But trust me.... I'm very animated when I'm the only adult around haha

thethoughtfox Tue 04-Apr-17 12:37:05

Wouldn't it be nice for your son to have a different energy about? DD went to a Montessori nursery. We were incredibly happy with it.

ittybittyluna Tue 04-Apr-17 14:08:51

I'm a Montessori nanny. A true Montessori setting will be very quiet for parts of the day as the thought is that when a child is engaged in something they are "working", and you should be present and available without interrupting them. This is quite unsettling for some parents as nurseries tend to be places that are full of noise.

I don't tend to work with babies, but I am calm and quite quiet with children in general. I will however, smile a lot, maintain eye contact, and be present. There was a study or experiment done to show that children look for reassurance from their caregiver, and it is a more positive experience if that caregiver responds to these cues (rather than being absorbed on their phone, or busy doing chores for example). The cues tend to be non-verbal.

There is nothing wrong with your way of doing things, you are engaged and animated and that is your style. There are lots of families who pay extra for Montessori training precisely for this quiet approach to children. She sounds good.

jkdnanny Tue 04-Apr-17 23:01:20

I wouldnt be super 'woo hoo' with a child I didn't know, and definitely not when I feel watched. I think her approach might compliment yours actually(and vice versa) and could really benefit your child. It would appeal to both his loud side and his quieter more thoughtful one

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 13-Apr-17 09:57:43

As others said I wouldn't be all singing and dancing nanny with a new charge and with parents about

When at work we crawl about on the floor playing chase and boo etc and singing out of tune 😉

It's hard doing it in front of new parents

Child is happy. Good to have balance of both

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